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Heads up

By Anonymous - 18/03/2024 06:00

Today, after a day spent at the beach, I was looking back through our photos. Neither my husband, sisters, kids, or our friends bothered to tell me that my white swimsuit became a bit see-through when wet. In absolutely every photo you could clearly see my pubes and my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 392

By Anonymous - 11/12/2013 08:25 - United States

Today, is my little sister's 16th birthday. I spent my last $20 on a gift for her, cleaned the house for her party, made an ice cream cake, and got her a rose. What did I get? "I hope you kept the receipt for this. Oh, and stay in your room during my party." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 553

You deserved it 3 852

Timing

By iliterallypoopedmyself - 19/01/2012 01:54 - Australia

Today, I anxiously waited 8 hours for an important phone call. The phone rang while I was sitting on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 791

You deserved it 3 890

How could you?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 505

You deserved it 4 226

By anon. - 17/01/2012 23:41 - United States

Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 208

You deserved it 8 803

Have a Coke and smile

By Cokerella - 14/08/2021 18:01 - United States - Pomona

Today, at a work function, I noticed that my boss and my girlfriend kept leaving the room at the same time. Fearing the worst, I waited outside in the hallway. As soon as they went into the bathroom, I pushed my way in. Sex? Nope. They were doing lines of coke off the bathroom counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 151

By Jobless - 13/08/2009 01:47 - United States

Today, my 16 yr old cousin needed help making a job resume so I give him mine to see as an example. He changed my name to his and it got him a job right away. The sad part? I handed my resume out to about 30 places and I am still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 000

You deserved it 4 357

By sosadbuttrue - 14/01/2012 13:15 - Switzerland

Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 206

You deserved it 28 013

By dkajxu - 12/08/2009 12:57 - Singapore

Today, while studying in the middle of the night, my dad came home drunk. I helped him to the sofa and after clearing up his mess, he started going on about how useless my sister Vanessa was, and how good a daughter I am. I am Vanessa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 289

You deserved it 3 148

By SoClose - 03/02/2009 14:25 - Canada

Today, two girls invited me up to their room at 3 am. As soon as we pressed the up button on the elevator, the fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 907

You deserved it 5 510

By hackling fellow - 10/03/2011 13:17

Today, I was painting my mom's house, which so far had taken 12 hours over two days. All of a sudden there was a wind storm. All of the leaves stuck to the wet paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 953

You deserved it 4 178

By Nate - 12/01/2012 05:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 808

You deserved it 59 136

New life, new kink

By Anonymous - 01/04/2024 00:00 - Denmark

Today, I found out my mom was a swinger when I opened a closet and saw a water bottle saying something with "Swinger Club" on it, with three bags beside it with all kinds of shit in it. She's also doing pole dancing "as a sport" and wanted to have one installed in our living room. My parents divorced just a couple of months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 193

By pickit - 25/02/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 324

You deserved it 20 872

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 03:30 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards, he said he was in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever. It was also at this time I realised that I can't stand him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 281

You deserved it 38 870

By kiki - 24/02/2010 05:54 - United States

Today, before my date came to pick me up, I put tissues under my arms so I wouldn't leave wet marks. I forgot to remove them, and when we got physical, they fell out, looking like I'd stuffed my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 433

You deserved it 33 544

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 14:33 - United States

Today, after going to the beach with my guy friend, I thought I looked pretty good in front of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 990

You deserved it 46 005

Let it all out

By Anonymous - 24/05/2020 17:00

Today, I had too much to eat at dinner. I had to cut sexy time with my husband short because I couldn't do it. I feel bad because it's his birthday today but we stopped. I then proceeded to throw up everything I ate today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 563

You deserved it 674

Little shit

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to pick up my little brother from his friend's house. When I got there, he ran off screaming that he didn't know me. His friend's parents believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 360

You deserved it 3 318

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 06:07 - Canada

Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense, saying, "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 628

You deserved it 11 382

Slip of the tongue

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 23:00

Today, a few army recruiters came to my school to discuss their jobs with us. When asked to say our name and what we wanted to do when we were older, I said I wanted to be a prosecutor. Everyone started laughing. Turns out everyone thought I said prostitute, including the recruiters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 231

Judgement

By Anonymous - 13/10/2025 03:00

Today, I was venting to my dog about how my roommate never cleans. I said, “You’re the only one who listens, at least you don’t judge me.” I didn’t realize my roommate was standing behind me holding a trash bag. The dog wagged his tail. My roommate did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 408

Defeated

By Aaron - 09/12/2012 23:34 - United States - Matthews

Today, I decided to talk to a girl at the gym I had seen there a lot. I walked up to her at the station she was at and asked her out to dinner sometime. I didn't realize she had been wearing headphones. She took them off and asked if I was waiting on the station. My courage left. I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 739

You deserved it 4 941

By ihateeverything - 30/01/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, the dentist had to give me a lot of novacaine because my mouth wasn't becoming numb. After the 4th time the entire right side of my mouth was numb, except for the 2 teeth getting worked on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 419

You deserved it 1 881

It's never like in the movies

By Anonymous - 06/09/2021 19:59

Today, after giving a speech at college, I did the good ol' mic drop. The microphone fell with a loud bang that was heard through the clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 1 441

By only 10 more hours to go - 06/01/2012 11:40 - United States

Today, at work, I slipped and fell on my backside. The creepy security guard offered to 'kiss it better.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 333

You deserved it 3 389

Sorry honey

By Anonymous - 30/11/2022 00:00

Today, my boyfriend and I get along very well, but I’m not used to being extremely close to somebody. Every time we are together, I always somehow manage to elbow him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 223

By DravensMommy - 06/08/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 574

You deserved it 3 016

By agnosticstudy - 28/01/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, all three of my meals consisted of two Hot Pockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 952

You deserved it 27 754

Sick burn

By littl3storm - 01/06/2020 17:00

Today, while sitting an at home university exam, I started getting period cramps. I decided to use a heat patch to help. I left it on for the allotted time, but when I took it off, it peeled my skin off and burnt the surrounding skin. I'm now burnt AND still experiencing cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 797

You deserved it 225

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The Top

Today, I overheard my mom talking to a friend on the phone. What caught my attention was when she said, "You ever look at your kid and just think... 'Fuck. Where'd I go wrong?'" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 818

You deserved it 2 465

Today, I fell off a ladder while building a shelter for one of my wife's horses. I think I broke some ribs. I absolutely hate horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 945

You deserved it 6 460

Today, I found out that my new serving job does in fact take the time out to write a check for $0.00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 129

You deserved it 181

Today, I found out that a burglar broke into my house. Since I didn't have expensive stuff for them to steal, they took my Fleshlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 216

Today, my sciatica is so bad that my feet feel like they have frostbite, I don't know what to do. Getting older sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 91

Today, my girlfriend cried and begged me not to leave her, saying her "hickey" was a burn from a curling iron. That might be believable if it was one on her neck and not in four places on her tits and thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 53