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I heard that

By Anonymous - 25/04/2011 09:20 - Ireland

Today, I organised a romantic day trip for me and my boyfriend to some tropical gardens. I packed lunch and paid for the tickets. He decided to bring a friend, who doesn't speak English. The only thing that he said that I understood was that, "Your girlfriend eats a lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 330

You deserved it 4 513

By SapphireRaven - 07/09/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I found out that I was denied for work study eligibility by my college. I went to my financial advisor to ask why. It wasn't my grades or attendance. Apparently my father makes too much money for me to get a job at the school. My dad was fired 3 months ago and has been out of work since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 676

You deserved it 2 577

By Gabi - 20/02/2012 14:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 318

You deserved it 6 577

Fun day for all

By Alicia - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friends and I had a long fun day at the river. That was until sundown. I now have mosquito bites in places you don't want to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 200

You deserved it 11 545

Mind your own business, Cheryl

By A different illness - 21/09/2022 03:30 - United States

Today, I was harshly scolded by a woman who claimed I "can't get over the Covid hysteria" because I was wearing a mask outside in public. I wear a mask whenever I'm outside because of seasonal allergies, and I have not caught Covid since November 2020. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 198

By neighbor - 26/01/2014 13:08 - Australia - Mosman

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 925

You deserved it 4 019

By op-poopy - 22/04/2011 14:26 - Canada

Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 086

You deserved it 2 602

Bad sex

By izzie - 09/05/2010 14:15 - Canada

Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 558

You deserved it 5 095

By Anonymous - 24/01/2014 21:02 - United Kingdom - Broxburn

Today, my mum decided that having the flu and being too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom is a valid excuse to shit in a jug instead. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 45 013

You deserved it 3 612

By frozensolid - 24/01/2013 21:25 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 263

You deserved it 3 245

By mypoolisstilldirty - 16/02/2012 16:26 - Australia

Today, I found out that the pool boy has been stealing from me for over a year now. The latest things that he has taken are my laptop, the cash I hide in my closet, and my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 829

You deserved it 4 335

By Stupid - 20/04/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, my manager told me to throw out some of the old toys at the daycare we work at. I can't because I've seen Toy Story 3, and thinking about them in a dump makes me cry. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 161

You deserved it 18 655

By heartbroken - 23/01/2013 13:57 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, my boyfriend was in the shower and his phone was buzzing with calls and texts. Concerned as his nan is in ICU, I picked it up to find he's been secretly sexting his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 811

You deserved it 6 114

Back to square one

By nurseITHINKNOT - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally started my job as an in-home caregiver. The man I was hired to care for died two hours after I made it to his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 835

You deserved it 3 964

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 09:39 - New Zealand

Today, my boss rang me for the 5th time on my day off. Frustrated I pushed 'ignore' and yelled a string of obscenities at my phone. Turns out I pushed 'talk'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 573

You deserved it 50 964

Got em

By stinker - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother told me she was going out of town this weekend. I reassured her that I would not throw a party. She replied, "Oh, like you have enough friends to do that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 093

You deserved it 4 482

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 10/10/2022 17:30 - Turkey

Today, my girlfriend and I haven't had sex for a long time, so when she got out of the shower I was ready on our bed to finally do it. Her response? "Really? Now? I just got out of the shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 516

Assumptions

By adriana - 01/09/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills. She said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 374

You deserved it 4 594

Not a morning person

By Anonymous - 15/07/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 782

Hey Deborah, check these out

By Gabby - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 519

You deserved it 23 916

By Loser - 17/03/2010 04:41 - Canada

Today, I got into a fight with the dryer over a plastic toy car. My hand is bleeding and numb, three of my nails are broken and I have a bruise on my chin. The plastic car is still stuck in the now broken dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 764

You deserved it 26 029

Wiped out

By STIgary - 17/07/2021 16:01 - United States

Today, while at work, I had to poop. While wiping, I somehow managed to get the back tail of my shirt in between my butthole and the toilet paper, effectively wiping my ass with my white dress shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 310

By pigtails - 16/01/2013 12:21 - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 436

You deserved it 3 244

By Falcon - 09/02/2012 06:42 - United States

Today, I had to pee in the kitchen sink because my bathroom is being completely revamped, and the only other toilet in the house is my parents'. They refuse to let anyone use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 507

You deserved it 2 844

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 16:46 - United States

Today, I spent three hours getting ready to go out to lunch with my boyfriend, only to find out he meant we're going to the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart so he can also pick up condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 691

You deserved it 9 988

By Embarassed - 30/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my father why most of the bar was giving him dirty looks at a concert. His air guitar motions made it look like he was jacking off under the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 385

You deserved it 3 041

By fatass - 19/02/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I had a great workout and was feeling really good about my body. Until I sat on my desk, and broke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 982

You deserved it 7 535

Peace and quiet

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 14:01

Today, I swear to Christ, I prefer being at work these days, because when I’m at home if it’s not the kids screaming then it’s my wife moaning about nothing, or the dogs whining and barking, or the neighbour coming round to moan about all the noise. Sometimes wish I was bleeding deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 480

Flash, ah ah!

By Dumb, Dumber, and Dumberer - 12/10/2022 20:00

Today, a bird ran into my window. My overzealous cat ran at it like the Flash and smashed his face in the window. He yelped and ran away, then as I was running to see if he was OK, I slammed my face in the door jamb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 281

By Anonymous - 08/02/2012 05:04

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 192

You deserved it 4 239

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The Top

Today, my friend invited me to his boxing club for the first time. Since I'm somewhat short and scrawny-looking, he was worried that the workout would be too difficult for me. I waved him off and told him that I was tougher than I looked. Five minutes into class, I sprained my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 967

You deserved it 4 960

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 722

You deserved it 12 082

Today, marks a whole month that my boss has asked me to come in early to my part-time job, which makes me pretty happy to get the extra hours. I casually made a joke that she might as well make me full-time now. That made her change her mind, now I'm back down to 23 hours a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 171

You deserved it 965

Today, as I was getting dressed after a shower, I spent a good 30 seconds searching for my underwear… which I'd already put on at that point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 335

Today, I went to make coffee, but having just woken up, I forgot the paper filter. You can guess what was in my coffee… FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 303

Today, after her shower, my wife bent over naked in front of me so I went to dive in face-first, and she farted in my face for laughs. The thing is I physically saw some pieces of shit fly out and land on my shoe, and this was after her shower when she should have been clean as a whistle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 168