The Top

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By just about pissed off - 11/08/2013 17:24 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, to help with my insomnia, I downloaded some relaxing rain MP3s and set them to loop. For the first time in ages, I fell asleep within minutes. Somewhere around 5, however, the sound of trickling water caused my bladder to empty itself all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 612

You deserved it 6 787

By fsdjhgasjlhg - 03/08/2013 06:46 - Australia - Cairns

Today, I found a topless photo of my mother on my phone. Thanks, iCloud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 936

You deserved it 4 997

By JunkDex - 23/12/2015 07:45 - Australia - Merrylands

Today, my boss thought it would be a great idea to delay paying me until after Christmas. There goes rent, bills, food and of course Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 610

You deserved it 1 706

You have been warned

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 13:18 - Sweden

Today, my cute co-worker asked if he could use my computer. I told him my password and went to the bathroom. When I came back he said he'd finished. I tried to log in, but my password wouldn't work. I then noticed a Post-it note on the desk saying, "Stop stalking me and I'll change the password back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 988

You deserved it 41 214

By heatherfeather22 - 31/07/2014 03:28 - United States - Ottumwa

Today, I got into trouble at work because a customer complained about my face tattoo, I don't have a face tattoo but I do have one behind my ear. Nonetheless, I still got written up and had to cover it with a band-aid, which ripped out hair when I took it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 270

You deserved it 11 217

ASAP

By failedexam - 06/11/2009 06:52 - Canada

Today, my mom texted me in the middle of my end of term math exam, saying it was extremely urgent and needed me to come home ASAP. While skipping my exam, I finally got home to find out my mom forgot what the emergency was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 819

You deserved it 6 172

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 18:47 - Canada

Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 183

You deserved it 5 519

By AnonymousUser - 05/05/2012 00:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, feeling desperate, I asked my dad for advice on how to get a girl. He asked me why I want to even date. I panicked and said I just wanted to make someone happy. He told me that if I wanted to make someone happy, I should "just start by getting a goddamn vasectomy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 302

You deserved it 2 742

By gircos - 30/04/2014 00:10 - United States - Westerly

Today, I learned my girlfriend was cheating on me. After giving her a second chance and meeting her parents for the first time, her father said at the dinner table, "I like the other guy better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 366

You deserved it 7 321

By Again - 25/07/2015 16:55 - United States - Pell City

Today, I received my replacement debit card in the mail after losing my previous one. I've already lost my new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 730

You deserved it 30 240

By anonymous - 20/03/2013 05:42 - United States

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I started singing and harmonizing with the vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 269

You deserved it 4 742

By MoonStarShine3 - 09/06/2015 16:12 - United Kingdom - Chorley

Today, my boss yelled at me for being 3 hours late. I was late because I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. Apparently, breaking my arm is not a good enough excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 507

You deserved it 2 079

By Anonymous - 26/01/2013 01:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boss put me on suspension for violating company policy by having non-work related mail in my inbox. They were spam emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 071

You deserved it 2 270

By Lebac - 14/04/2015 08:33 - United States - Burlington

Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 826

You deserved it 4 095

'Tis the season to be jolly, falalala lala la la

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom hung her new "Christmas Clock" on the wall. It plays a different Christmas carol every hour, on the hour. It's only December 2nd and I'm already starting to understand why suicide rates sky rocket this time of year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 741

You deserved it 2 893

By Anonymous - 23/11/2012 02:49 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I ran into an old friend, and she remarked how she couldn't believe we hadn't seen each other in a year. Except not only did I attend her baby shower a few weeks ago, I spent hundreds of dollars on a unique gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 286

You deserved it 2 887

By ilu.xo - 13/01/2010 06:11 - Canada

Today, I found out the guy I've been seeing for 3 months lives at home with his parents. He's 30. They live in a '50+ only' housing complex and he sneaks in the side door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 934

You deserved it 4 083

By Sleep. - 27/11/2014 07:06 - United States - Imperial

Today, I finally got time to take a nap. Later, my mom asked me if I was depressed because I didn't leave my room for 3 hours. She talked to my dad about it, and now my family thinks I'm depressed because I slept for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 519

You deserved it 2 764

By For - 28/12/2009 14:00 - United States

Today, I asked my husband if he thought I was pretty. He replied "compared to what?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 677

You deserved it 7 007

By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 06:57

Today, I pulled an all-nighter to finish rereading my set work for my English exam. I managed to finish earlier than expected and decided to get some sleep. I then promptly slept through my alarm and missed my exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 538

You deserved it 5 048

X marks the spot

By Anonymous - 01/07/2013 21:14 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had to explain to a coworker that "the little red X" next to the email title she's been pushing out of curiosity is actually the delete button. Then, I had to restore the dozen emails she'd deleted even after I told her to stop. She's a manager. I stock shelves for a living. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 765

You deserved it 2 547

By stanky - 22/04/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with this guy I've been trying to get for four months. I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. I walked out, glad that I was quiet about it. Ten minutes later, my mom walks out of the same bathroom and goes "Honey, you need to spray after you make a stinky" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 922

You deserved it 5 862

By hungry - 15/08/2016 03:03 - United States - Waverly

Today, my husband offered to do the weekly grocery shopping. Because he has never done the shopping before, I made him a list of what we needed and other optional foods to give him an idea of what to get. He came back with a week's worth of ramen noodles and 2 litres of soda. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 044

You deserved it 2 230

Spammed to death

By lesousterre - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my grandpa still receives more mail than me. He's been dead for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 363

You deserved it 2 730

By Anonymous - 02/04/2012 02:33 - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a happy birthday was a survey website. I took their stupid survey out of appreciation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 416

You deserved it 2 326

Cultured

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Rochester

Today, I was telling my friends about a date I had recently that went badly, because the guy turned out to be a moron. I said the last straw was when I used the word "decipher" and was met with a blank stare. I was then met with more blank stares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 742

You deserved it 7 098

Cost effective

By EmbarrassedDaughter - 23/05/2010 07:27 - Canada

Today, I was on my bed on top of my boyfriend when I lost my balance and fell. My father walked in the door to see what the noise was. I don't know what is more embarrassing, my father walking in, or him walking in and saying, "That's an expensive bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 678

You deserved it 10 610

By Martine624 - 07/05/2015 21:56 - Netherlands

Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 147

You deserved it 3 481

By Robbins - 31/08/2009 02:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to meet with my landlord to organise when he was coming to look at my flat and decide whether I get my deposit back. In the time it took to see him, my friend drank a bottle of vodka and vomited all over my room and knocked the window through. My landlord is coming in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 727

You deserved it 5 405

Celebrity lookalike

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Mattawa

Today, a guy at work told me I look like a famous celebrity. I was flattered, until he remembered the celebrity's name: Steve Buscemi. That wouldn't be a compliment, even if I weren't a 24-year-old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 628

You deserved it 2 618

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The Top

Today, while taking a shower, my back hair caused so much friction against the bar of soap, it stuck for a good second before coming free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 093

You deserved it 8 942

Today, a cop pulled me over and started bitching me out. He was certain I'd been drinking, because, "Nobody goes to Albertacos this late at night unless they're drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 773

You deserved it 3 292

Today, I found out why my parents forgot my birthday. Facebook didn't remind them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 297

You deserved it 4 726

Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 104

Today, I got sick of my mother-in-law telling me everything I do brings shame to the family, so I meanly asked if her other son spending three months in prison was shameful or if he was already forgiven. It turned out that he told her he'd spent three months touring Brazil. Cue massive family screaming match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 83

Today, someone hacked the bus's Bluetooth speakers and played "Heal the World" by Michael Jackson on repeat. It was a four-hour, point-to-point nonstop bus ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 59