The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By ClaustrophobicNightmares - 28/03/2014 08:42 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, I was stuck in the elevator for almost two hours. Where was the elevator mechanic? Next to me in the elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 967

You deserved it 3 303

By Puppylove - 26/02/2013 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 923

You deserved it 10 302

Well played

By anonymous - 05/03/2014 05:43 - United States - League City

Today, my mom came into my room, yelling at me about a pregnancy test that she found in my bathroom. My mom wouldn't believe me when I said it wasn't mine. Turns out my sister bought the test, threw it under my bathroom cabinet, and now she won't admit to the prank. She thinks this is hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 405

You deserved it 3 645

By Kat - 08/03/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I bragged to a coworker that our boss compliments me constantly on my work performance, my fashion sense, and my trustworthiness. She then directed me to a "neighborhood watch" website. My boss is a registered sex offender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 379

You deserved it 8 240

Alert!

By DamnDogs - 05/03/2012 10:28 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my neighbour's dog losing its mind, and I remembered reading a story about someone ignoring a dog and later finding out that their car had been stolen. Paranoid, I went outside to check on mine. Nope. Just the damn dog barking at one thirty in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 622

You deserved it 4 080

You bastard

By ccgundum - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Vancouver

Today, someone hit my parked car. The impact caused the front of the car to go up onto the sidewalk, and I got a ticket for parking there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 068

You deserved it 4 055

Thanks, privatisation!

By Sivvus - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Reserved

Today, I paid £140 for a train ticket. All the seats were full. When I sat in the corridor the guard yelled at me. I paid £140 to stand outside a stinking train toilet for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 446

You deserved it 3 453

By Anonymous - 01/01/2009 03:49 - France

Today, I went onto my computer and found a cyber sex conversation between my sister and my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 221

You deserved it 3 163

By cuntsmom - 24/09/2013 04:47 - United States

Today, my niece, who is fifteen, convinced my six-year-old daughter that her name is spelled C-U-N-T, and just pronounced as Catherine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 580

You deserved it 3 468

By Anonymous - 28/11/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 674

You deserved it 6 748

From beyond

By hearingthings - 26/06/2012 02:59 - Australia - Perth

Today, in a drunken, depressed state I thought I heard my deceased mother trying to make contact with me from beyond the grave. It took me a moment to realise that the soft voice was from the music my neighbours were playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 259

You deserved it 6 534

By moreliketurdmart - 03/06/2013 16:48 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 168

You deserved it 5 344

Bedlam

By Snow-White - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Wilmslow

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat, and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 001

You deserved it 19 392

By Anon - 24/03/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 421

You deserved it 32 324

By elmalo68 - 20/09/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I must find a gentle way to tell my 71-year-old mother that she's too old to be wearing shirts that expose her belly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 279

You deserved it 3 221

By Stixchop - 26/02/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 311

You deserved it 54 921

By pop, pop - 08/05/2015 15:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I fell asleep while working the night shift. It took me 3 hours and a whole lot of dirty looks while walking home before I looked in a mirror and saw my cockbite of a coworker had drawn a swastika on my forehead while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 025

You deserved it 7 759

A good grunting

By Anonymous - 06/01/2013 13:06 - United States - Tampa

Today, I realized my girlfriend makes the same exact noises in bed and when she eats. I don't know if I'm a really good cook or a really bad lover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 303

You deserved it 4 092

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 22:25 - United States - Statham

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 603

You deserved it 3 392

By cwhitney7 - 22/12/2014 15:04 - United States - Waltham

Today, I decorated my boyfriend's house for Christmas as a surprise, just in time for him and his family to come home. Also just in time for him to tell me he's Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 794

You deserved it 13 375

By MyEarsHurt - 16/09/2012 23:01 - United States - Stockton

Today, my next-door neighbor decided to become a rapper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 470

You deserved it 2 085

By Anonymous - 23/06/2013 19:19 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 362

You deserved it 5 050

By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 07:21 - United States

Today, I was running a meeting feeling very stressed. I grabbed my stress ball out of my bag, squeezing it vigorously throughout the meeting. When I stood up to talk my stress ball exploded all over my new black suit and the desk. So much for relieving stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 490

You deserved it 4 360

By Anonymous - 21/07/2014 15:58 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The officer was nice and let me off with just a warning. That is, until my dipshit brother yelled "Fucking pig!" out the window as the officer walked back to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 638

You deserved it 22 222

By pregnant loser apparently - 20/05/2013 04:31 - United States - Franklin

Today, my parents posted on Facebook that they were excited that my sister was pregnant and couldn't wait to be grandparents. Last week I told them that I, a 33-year-old happily married woman, was pregnant and they told me I was ruining my life and encouraged me to have an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 237

You deserved it 3 581

By Colin Jr. - 23/09/2015 13:24 - United States

Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 820

You deserved it 1 708

By crippled - 08/07/2014 08:40 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I helped my dad push our broken-down truck from the driveway onto the tire ramp. Truck didn't make it; neither did my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 228

You deserved it 4 293

By idiot says "you raised him" - 31/05/2014 21:30 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 205

You deserved it 8 000

Many such cases

By Anonymous - 04/05/2014 18:57 - United States

Today, I met up with my group for class. We were doing some final checks on the project we've been working on all semester, when I realized something about one guy's work seemed off. I googled it and found out it's almost completely plagiarized. It's all due in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 247

You deserved it 4 067

By chocochoco - 24/03/2014 03:40 - United States - Auburn

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 982

You deserved it 17 945

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Dad jokes Kids Argument Money Neighbours Sleep Health Mental health Embarrassing NSFW Intimacy Family Alcohol Transportation Miscellaneous Birthday Cute I need your advice Relatable Love Sex Friends My ex Awkward Scary Technology Annoying Work Capitalism Divorce

The Top

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 641

You deserved it 5 201

Today, I was cashiering at Walmart, when a customer picked open a cold-sore on her lip before trying to give me her money with the same hand. When I freaked out and refused to take her money, she started screaming and threatening to sue me for "violating the First Amendment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 733

You deserved it 3 142

Today, I was stuck in a room with a man who was catching flies. That I could cope with, until he insisted on turning the lights out because it was 'stressing out' his flies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 605

You deserved it 2 395

Today, I added my boss to the "ew" list on Skype. I then realized it sends her a notification. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 053

You deserved it 6 820

Today, my father and I were out in town when a lady walked up and commented on what a great looking couple we were. My dad puts his arm around me and says, "Thank you! We've been together for 17 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 961

You deserved it 242

Today, I'd organized a small dinner with immediate family for my birthday. I’ve since received texts from every one of them, cancelling due to varying reasons. My parents excuse is the funniest - they went out last night for a coworker’s party, and don’t want to go out again tonight. For me. Their child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 139