The Top

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Doghouse

By Anonymous - 14/11/2024 03:00

Today, my girlfriend’s mom just got engaged to her boyfriend and he claimed it was me that inspired him to ask her. My girlfriend hates him, so to say I’m in the doghouse is an understatement, I’m lucky to still be in the garden, never mind the doghouse, and I have no idea what I did to inspire him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 77

Narcissistic

By Anonymous - 07/03/2022 12:00 - Canada - Dundas

Today, my mom chewed me out, because my brother has been complaining to her that I don't talk to him anymore since moving out. We've never talked much, even when we were sharing a place! FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 103

What did you ACTUALLY do?

By Anonymous - 23/06/2026 15:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, I got dumped, so I was sad. I was so unpopular in my friend group that everyone but two people "sided with my ex" in their words; the other two "didn't side." I'd told my ex that I hated her, so I asked my friend to tell her I'm sorry, my ex-friend then replied with death threats. Like WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 396

We the people are tired

By Voter - 18/11/2024 15:00 - Germany

Today, I live abroad, but I was born in the USA so I'm sick of people asking me who I voted for in the last election, all while looking at me weirdly and suspiciously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 141

Home renovation

By Anonymous - 22/11/2024 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was cleaning my lazy son’s bedroom when I knocked a full cup out the window, complete with a layer of mould. It landed on the dog, covering him in mouldy, milky coffee. He ran inside, shook it off everywhere, then rolled around to really make sure it was smushed deep into the carpet fibres. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 309

Victim complex

By Anonymous - 28/06/2026 00:00 - United States - Corona

Today, my ex got a new girlfriend. I genuinely don’t care who he dates, I just know that now I’m in for 3 to 6 months of performative angry phone calls, court summons, and social media slander, all while he plays up sympathy from the new chick. He doesn’t care about our kids and pulls this same stunt repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 100

Breaking news

By Anonymous - 23/11/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I was feeling motivated to improve my unhealthy miserable life and went for a jog. Halfway through, I tripped on my own shoelace and scared a couple walking their dog. According to my wife, it's already been gossiped about in our neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 134

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 01/05/2022 10:00

Today, I got a verbal warning at work for "having a resting bitch face." I had a headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 105

Party hard

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I was playing beer pong at a party and managed to get the ball in a cup. I jumped a little bit in excitement and somehow managed to fracture my foot while doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 826

You deserved it 568

Tin bathtub

By Anonymous - 30/06/2023 00:02

Today, I finally bought an above ground pool, as wifey has insisted on one for a loooong time. It didn't cost too much, but wifey is all sulky cause it appears that a 1.8 x 3.8 x 0.9 meter pool is TOO BIG. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 170

By Jobless - 27/04/2017 14:00

Today, my new job e-mailed to tell me the role was no longer available, leaving me to start my job search all over again. My notice at my current job ends this week. But it's OK, because as compensation for my 'distress', the company sent £100 worth of vouchers... to the wrong address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 516

You deserved it 274

Hate sex

By xenutja - 29/01/2021 20:02 - United States - Amery

Today, I found out why my boyfriend always has sex with me like he hates me. Turns out, he actually hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 180

Introverted clumsiness

By I'm a fucking idiot!!! And I suck at using discord. Going back to tumblr. - 09/12/2024 09:00 - Canada - Concord

Today, I hit off with a guy I met on Tumblr, and we moved to Discord to chat. We're just friends, but have things in common. Then I accidentally called him while he was driving by clicking the wrong button, because I forgot how to search things up. Now he thinks I'm a creep. Time to build my walls back up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 181

Mad skills

By Anonymous - 10/12/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son is so naive that he didn’t notice that a company he interviewed for basically used him as free labour during a 3 day “skills assessment period”, after which he didn’t even get the job. Even after I explained to him they'd used him for 3 days free grunt work, he still didn’t understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 140

Master the blade

By Douglas - 18/07/2026 20:00 - Australia - Melboune

Today, I tried to be helpful at a family dinner and offered to carve the roast. The knife slipped, the serving tray tipped. My uncle caught it with his bare hand like a movie hero. Everyone praised him for dinner-saving reflexes while I quietly sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 311

Happy Christmas your arse, I pray God it's our last

By Anonymous - 14/12/2024 22:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, It’s almost been a year since my husband dumped me which was on… Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 100

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 18/12/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, my bank, being overly paranoid about fraud, declined my Christmas purchase on Amazon because I usually don't spend that much all at once. Instead of Amazon simply asking to try the card again, they instead switched to a different card in the wallet. Which would be fine, except it's a shared family account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 142

Free speech

By Anonymous - 21/07/2023 10:00

Today, my dad thought it would be appropriate to get drunk at my wedding and include in his father of the bride speech all the very bad things I did as a child, before I got the psychiatric help I needed. My in-laws were giving me death glares, and his nana yelled, “Shame on you!” at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 148

Naked

By Flora - 30/07/2026 00:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I began my first solo holiday at my family's' lakeside cabin. After an hour of tanning in my fave bikini on the lake beach, I saw that I was alone, got brave enough to take a risk, and took off my bikini so my body could get a full tan. Guess when a family from a nearby cabin chose to also come to the lake for fun… FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 469

Love U 2

By Kellie99 - 03/08/2026 22:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, for some unknown reason, I called my boss "Mum" at the end of a meeting. She paused, smiled, and said, "Aww, love you too, kiddo." The rest of the team in the room lost it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 186

How's about you go **** yourself, knobhead?

By Anonymous - 26/07/2023 06:00

Today, my boyfriend of four years told me that I have a potty mouth and that I should clean it with Harpic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 334

Happy new year

By Anonymous - 01/01/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I hosted a New Year’s Eve party, but everyone left at 11:45 PM to go to another party because "it sounded more fun." I rang in the new year alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 138

Not so glam now

By Fuck off - 10/08/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I shelled out the big bucks to stay at a luxurious glamping site in the mountains for some much-needed R&R. It was great… or would have been, were it not for the party animals in the other unit. Despite being fifty yards away, I could make out every word of the shit rap they blasted for 12 hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 88

Any good news? Any at all?

By Anonymous - 12/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Warren

Today, while getting a followup to my MRI, my doctor joked that he "had bad news, and more bad news." Apparently my bulging discs were pressing on my spinal column, which was causing my back pain. The other bad news was my hip pain, it's caused by torn cartilage in there. I need to see two different specialists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 68

The squits

By Nina - 17/08/2026 12:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, it’s my first full official day with my adoptive dad. To celebrate, he took me out to a fancy restaurant for lunch. Lunch was great. The ride home less so. Let’s just say spicy lunch plus upset stomach equals diarrhea, which makes for a smelly NOT fun ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 88

Run run run

By Graham Watson - 01/07/2019 16:00

Today, I'm currently in hospital with a painful and swollen Achilles heel problem. I was dreaming I was running down stairs, then tripped on one, and as I whacked my foot on the stairs in my dream, I also raised my foot and whacked it on the end of the hospital bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 202

New or used?

By Dez Johnson - 07/03/2021 11:01

Today, I discovered that my old roommate had left a full bag of cat litter on my porch and all over my yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 91

Ewww, gross

By Raisin Brain - 22/01/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I was happily messing around with my girlfriend's toddler niece. I suddenly sneezed, coughing out a tonsil stone as big as a raisin. Before I could even react, she horrifyingly said, "Oh no! Your brains came out!" My girlfriend started to laugh, saying, "That's just about right!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 144

Zoned out

By Anonymous - 31/08/2026 03:00 - Canada

Today, I took a train to visit a friend and fell asleep for what felt like ten minutes. I woke up at the final stop with the carriage empty. The doors opened, I stepped onto the platform, and immediately realized I had no idea where I was or how I'd got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 269

What would you do?

By Anonymous - 02/09/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom - Taunton

Today, I realized I've fallen for my best friend. Private conversations suggest she feels the same, but around others she dismisses love as "stupid". I don't want things to become awkward, but I feel like I should walk away instead of burying my feelings to maintain the friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 119

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The Top

Today, my new girlfriend gave me head for the first time. It was so good, I swear she sucked my soul into another dimension! I was snapped back to earth by the thought that no one sucks that good without years and years of practice. Now I can’t stop thinking about all the other dicks she’s sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 1 911

Today, I saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear and smiling at it, humming to himself. He didn't see me. I stood there for at least 30 seconds in shock, and when I backed away he was still looking at them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 614

You deserved it 7 541

Random

Today, I was out with my dog, who loves to bury things. He had recently torn apart his toy and buried it in the sand. I saw a piece of it sticking out of the ground, so I picked it up. It turns out that I was not holding his toy, but rather a dead bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 388

You deserved it 2 787

Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 834

You deserved it 5 418

Today, a thunderstorm killed our internet and I realized there were lots of things I could do "in the real world", but… I’m too tired to do any of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 629

Today, I had my first day being my mum’s carer. She did the biggest shit I’ve ever seen, and when the toilet wouldn’t flush it, I had put a gloved hand down the loo and break it up with my fingers. Start things how you mean to go on, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 96

Today, I went to my uncle's funeral. His eulogy was ruined by an annoying little kid repeatedly talking over the pastor, who didn't pause for anything, no matter how many times his parents told him to stop. The complimentary lunch was horrible, and the hearse driving him to the cemetery got into an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 80

Today, hoping to earn some extra cash, I spent a fortune on a purebred pit bull so I could breed her. To my horror, the ad lied about her and she had already been spayed. When I tried to contact the seller to get my money back, they just replied, “Serves you right, backyard breeder” and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 1 122