The Top

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Trashy

By JD. - 31/01/2021 23:01

Today, the office I clean as a janitor left some candies with a note saying, "Take as many as you like." I was flattered and felt like I was finally being recognized for my years of hard work. Later, I found the same candy with a single bite taken out of it in the trash, along with the rest they'd spat out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 134

The literal smell test

By Yudith - 02/12/2024 12:00 - Canada

Today, my boss held his polo shirt one inch from my nose and asked me to smell it. He said that he was going into one of our tenants' apartment and wanted to smell him before and after so I could judge said apartment's cleanliness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 82

Nuts

By Almost neutered - 03/07/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 152

Teamwork

By Anonymous - 07/12/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I spent ages cleaning my house, only for my toddler to spill a box of cereal right when I'd finished. As I cleaned up the mess, the dog dragged the cereal into almost every room. All the floors now have what I can only describe as "surprise crunch zones." FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 126

Bon appétit !

By Anonymous - 14/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, as I was running late for work, I asked my husband to pack me some hard boiled eggs for lunch. When I went on my lunch break, I went to crack my eggs only to discover they were completely raw. When confronted, my husband said, “Well you didn’t say I had to cook them first!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 97

A very good boy

By Carrie - 16/07/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I waved at a dog through a car window because it looked pleased to see me. The dog wasn't looking at me. Its owner thought I was waving at him and got out to have a conversation. We talked for ten awkward minutes because he thought I was hitting on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 276

Give it back!

By Anonymous - 08/05/2022 14:00

Today, I found out that my brother has been stealing money from me for the past five months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 108

Big tasty

By reisz618 - 31/05/2019 07:00

Today, I was at a barbecue and, unbeknownst to me, took a bite of really hot bacon. In my ensuing panic, I grabbed and took a swig of my friend's beer. It wasn't beer, at least not any more. She was using it as an ashtray, and I got a mouthful of cigarette butts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 698

You deserved it 617

Knackered

By kira - 19/07/2023 10:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I have to go work for ten hours in a warehouse after getting no sleep at all. I get horrendously sick if I don’t sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 226

Double take

By Anonymous - 01/04/2022 02:00

Today, I walked into a job interview, then turned round and walked back out again. The interviewer was a one-night stand that ended very badly months ago, and she remembered me. I could see in her face the interview was pointless, so instead of grovelling I went to the pub to drown my sorrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 554

Receding

By Peyton Manning - 24/12/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, my friends like to call me "Peyton Manning" because of my huge forehead. I thought it was funny until I realized my forehead is "huge" because I seem to be going bald. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 81

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 26/12/2024 22:00 - United States - North Reading

Today, after my wife just cashed in $160,000 in stock options, my Christmas present was two pairs of socks she bought with REI credit. I suppose it’s better than last year’s spatula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 132

Sexy talk

By Cora - 06/08/2026 09:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I got in bed with my guy to have sex with him to distract myself from having diarrhea, when my gut cramped, my butt pushed, and I then doubled over from that as I yelled, "Why must I go doo-day right now?" I don't know what's more embarrassing, that I shit my bed before sex, or I called diarrhea "going doo-dah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 437

Dude, shut up!

By LordHeadass - 19/04/2022 04:00

Today, I was having a pretty good day, then I showed up to work for my night shift. I get here, and I’m put on the worst check stand, have to work with the most annoying person on the planet, and I forgot both my dinner and my AirPods at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 249

Stick the landing

By Anonymous - 30/12/2024 03:00 - Canada

Today, I confidently told a funny story during a holiday family dinner. Nobody laughed, except my younger cousin, who snorted so hard at the way I'd flopped into complete silence, he sprayed cranberry sauce across the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 139

Weirdest scam attempt ever?

By Violet Winters - 01/08/2023 12:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, a customer checking out a camera at my pawnshop asked if the memory cards got erased. I said yes. He asked if I had a case for it and I left to get it. I came back and the guy said, "There's naked pictures on this memory card!" I Look at the LCD screen and it's a picture of his own dick, which he'd just taken in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 112

Long eulogy

By Anonymous - 30/04/2022 12:00

Today, the minister at my grandpa's funeral had a speech impediment that made him stutter his R’s. My grandpa’s name was Robert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 90

Basic

By Sheldon Cooper says what? - 20/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Rialto

Today, my boyfriend is pissed at me and went so far as to equate it to cheating that I went out to eat with some friends. I’d love to go to a restaurant with him but he refuses to eat anything other than beef, cheese, white bread, and chicken nuggets. That man has the palate of a 4 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 117

What are you doing?

By soembarassed - 23/08/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I was visiting friends in the country, and the property next to theirs has cows. Bored, I walked over to the fence and looked at a cow, who trundled over to the other side of the fence. I then saw the farmer staring at me and for some reason I said, "Just saying hi to your cow!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 258

Don't get too comfortable working from home

By Anonymous - 10/05/2022 06:00 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, just make sure to mute your mic in a meeting before doing anything… anything like flushing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 045

Craving it

By Anonymous - 26/05/2022 00:01

Today, I realized how low my husband's libido has gotten over the years. He has zero intention of trying anything to fix it, no matter how hard I try. I don't even think I'm horny anymore as much as intimately touched starved. He ran his hand down my back in passing and I almost burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 245

Free ring!

By Anonymous - 20/01/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, the waiter took the cake with the engagement ring to another table. By the time he'd figured out his mistake, the other couple had left, with the ring. I demanded the security footage, and the couple didn’t just get up and go, they full on snuck out, making sure no one saw them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 143

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 16/08/2023 04:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he "couldn't handle the distance." He said he "couldn't commit to driving to see me long term." We live two hours apart, and I've driven to him every time; he never tried to come to me once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 161

Thanks, I hate it!

By thanks for reminding me - 18/08/2023 10:00 - United States

Today, I was reduced to a blubbering mess at my baby shower. My mom bought tons of clothes, bibs, etc. Sounds nice right? Well, they all had sayings like "Daddy’s Little Princess" and "Daddy’s Girl." She knows full well my fiancé quit his job, changed his number, and disappeared without a trace 3 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 137

Fight!

By Anonymous - 05/09/2026 03:00 - United States - Lake Zurich

Today, I told my girlfriend about a huge fight I had with my female best friend. This friend no longer wants anything to do with me, and I was obviously upset about it. Instead of being supportive, all my girlfriend said was, "Well maybe now you'll shut the fuck up about her for once." FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 559

New receipe just dropped

By Anonymous - 29/01/2025 20:00 - United States - Glendale

Today, feeling ravenous and hungover, I sneakily ate my roommate’s leftover pizza. Halfway through, I realized it wasn’t pizza, it was a frozen waffle with ketchup and cheese they’d left in the box as a trap. I fell for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 1 110

By Anonymous - 16/07/2019 00:01

Today, I went in for I thought would be an interview for a promotion, but turns out there was no interview set up, and they'd already decided who would be the next manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 134

Maxed out

By Anonymous - 01/02/2025 22:00

Today, my daughter took her ex to court for child support. After the judge was done, she ended up having to pay support to him, and since she was the one who took him to court just for money, her ex now hates her and will make sure to collect every penny he’s owed, even though she only works part time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 620

Parents of the year

By Anonymous - 07/02/2025 15:00

Today, I got to experience the rare pleasure of overhearing my divorcing parents admit that neither of them want full custody of me, or even shared custody, and then planning to guilt one of my grandparents into accepting custody instead. God I hate them both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 105

Before I forget…

By Anonymous - 24/05/2022 18:01

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. My boss called me into her office and congratulated me, and spent almost half an hour asking me what our wedding plans were, where we might honeymoon, if we wanted kids, etc. She then followed this by suddenly remembering she had called me into the office to sack me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 88

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The Top

Today, due to the cold, windy weather, I decided to wear my brand-new cute (and expensive) jacket that has a faux-fur hood. As I walked down the street, numerous PETA members attacked me with red liquid. I'm a Vegan and an animal-rights activist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 967

You deserved it 25 051

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 059

You deserved it 287 680

Random

Today, I woke up super early to get ready for a wedding an hour away. I'm a bridesmaid, and also 8 months pregnant. The dress that fit me perfectly 3 days ago won't fit anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 687

You deserved it 721

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 215

You deserved it 4 395

Today, I was standing in the parking lot with my sister, after my aunt's funeral, when my grandma walks up and says to my sister, "You're the one going places in life, I'm proud to have you as a grand daughter." She then looked at me, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 597

You deserved it 3 859

Today, I gave my name for a lunch order, I even spelled it out for the cashier. When my food was ready, they screamed "Labia," in the restaurant full of people. My name is Nadia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 860

You deserved it 151

Today, my best friend got drunk and told me he's only friends with me because no one else will be friends with him. He then went on to tell me that he wasn't actually that drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 724

You deserved it 159

Today, a friend invited me over for dinner. She presented me with a "gourmet" homemade meal. As I started eating, I realized it tasted… off. She looked at me expectantly, so I politely ate it all. Afterwards, she told me it was a new recipe she was trying "tuna casserole" made with canned tuna… which we found out later expired in 2015. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 103