The Top

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Don't judge a book by its reader

By Anonymous - 20/12/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I made the mistake of uttering the phrase "I’m not like other girls" at work when discussing how I prefer staying in and reading over going out to a bar. Now none of the other girls in the office will talk to me and are calling me a "pick-me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 764

By Anonymous - 24/05/2017 02:00

Today, I got better phone reception crossing an inlet on a ferry than I normally do at my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 632

You deserved it 363

Survivalist

By John Johnson - 10/04/2022 02:00

Today, a friend moved into my new house. He was a great roommate years ago, but COVID seems to have driven him mad. He brought a huge stockpile of non-perishable food, and keeps talking about "fortifying" the house. He's trying to build a composting outhouse right now. Send help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 236

By Pierced - 30/05/2017 18:00

Today, my mother accused me of getting another lip piercing done on the sly to spite her. She finally realised I have more than one and won't believe I've always had two. Thanks for noticing, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 135

You deserved it 449

Cats with jobs

By Where's Jerry the mouse when you want him - 17/04/2022 16:00

Today, our baby cries constantly, except for when our grumpy old feral tom cat comes over to lay beside her, lick her head and so on. This bastard cat is the most ornery sumbitch I've ever met and bites worse than a bear trap, yet he's a better dad than I am. Plus, he looks so damn smug while he's doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 274

Animal lover

By fml9124 - 01/03/2021 02:00

Today, my 14 year-old daughter threatened to run away. Why? We live in southern Arizona. In the last week, she's found a dead tarantula and a live scorpion in her bedroom. In a couple of weeks it will be rattlesnake season. She's not liking the desert much anymore, where even the plants want to hurt you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 502

Opportunist

By Tmo - 12/08/2023 08:00

Today, I saw a toddler bolt in a parking lot. Since he was running towards the road behind me, I scooped him up to hand off to his mother. She shrieked, snatched him from my hands, and sprayed me with mace. While I was writhing in pain, some punk kid lifted my wallet and phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 132

Help needed

By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 22:56

Today, I've been asking for help to close up store for the last 7 months, at the height of a global pandemic. My boss's excuse for no help? Joe Biden and the government is keeping everyone who would earn 10 dollars an hour from working, because they are all lazy. Joe wasn't president 7 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 161

A rock and a hard place

By Anonymous - 27/01/2025 12:00 - United States - Orange Park

Today, I’ve been having an affair with my cousin’s husband for the last 16 years. For 3-ish months, when my husband gets drunk, he accuses us of cheating & threatens to tell everyone. Sober, he remembers nothing. We are constantly worried he will tell but are too in love to end it. Both in bad marriages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 2 104

Alexa, play "Communication Breakdown" by Led Zeppelin

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 04:00

Today, I've always needed to share stories about things that made me upset to my boyfriend, and I thought he was my safe place to do so. I've always talked to him, and so has he. If he got upset, he'd tell me what's bothering him. Now he says he doesn't like it because I always talk to him about it. Now I have no one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 215

What is going on in this FML?

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 10:00

Today, after weeks of doubt and pondering the pros and cons, I finally broke up with my girlfriend, and she burst into tears. Feeling guilty, I tried to console her by saying, "Don't worry, we can still be cousins." FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 848

I like what I like

By Anime - 17/02/2025 03:00 - Poland - Poznan

Today, I realized that after years of watching Hentai I can only ejaculate while hearing Anime voices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 677

You can talk, mate

By Anonymous - 30/07/2019 12:07 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a customer asked me if I was English, because I was struggling to understand what he was saying. I said yes. He then called me a liar, and said I must be "one of them Polish immigrants." Oh, and he also had a thick Scottish accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 693

You deserved it 168

RIP

By Anon - 11/09/2023 17:00 - New Zealand

Today, while on a nature hike with friends. I tried to take a selfie at the edge of a cliff with the majestic view as a backdrop, but I slipped and dropped my phone. It's now RIP (resting in pieces) at the bottom of a ravine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 1 147

Alexa, play "Catch the Breeze" by Slowdive

By Anonymous - 21/06/2022 02:00

Today, my OCD mother got mad because I wouldn't let her turn the fan over my head at a higher speed than low. She's got every other fan going at high speed but not aimed at herself, while I'm trying to work from home without the wind in my face for 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 199

Stinky

By mechgineer - 14/09/2023 18:00 - United States - Watertown

Today, my wife is 20 weeks pregnant and today is the first day that my natural, clean scent makes her nauseous. We don’t have somewhere else I can sleep and we both work from home. Twenty more weeks to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 146

Needs a follow up

By Anonymous - 18/09/2023 00:02

Today, I was told the reason for me getting evicted without notice is because I unnecessarily threw a fit that the dog my roommate got wasn't the one I wanted. I pointed out my anaphylaxis to my landlord and she asked, "That’s hypochondria, right?" I’m still getting evicted without notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 163

Old prude

By Anonymous - 25/09/2023 22:00

Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 342

Appeal to nature

By Anonymous - 29/06/2022 16:00

Today, I dumped my boyfriend for cheating on me and he actually asked if we weren’t dating could we still have sex, as a FWB type of thing. I blame his mother, she must have done something to screw him up, there’s no way idiocy like his occurs naturally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 273

Rats!

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 22:00 - United States - Pomona

Today, I'm feeling extremely sick and itchy. I'd bought rats as pets to help with my anxiety, and they gave me ringworm. I now have ringworm in about nine places on my body, including my face. I don’t know which one is worse, being dizzy from the medication or the itching. I’m feeling more anxious than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 609

Wokescolds gonna wokescold

By unhealthy - 05/07/2022 06:00

Today, my friend went on a lengthy rant about how people are "healthy at any size" and I need to embrace fat pride, after I said I intend to lose weight to alleviate my digestive and breathing troubles. Apparently her activist forum knows more about my health than my own doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 121

We meet again

By Anonymous - 09/10/2023 07:30 - Germany

Today, it’s been 5 months since I can’t walk properly, 3 months that I’ve been waiting for a doctor’s appointment, and 1 day since I found out that the "top specialist" was in fact the same doofus who couldn’t help me with the same issue years ago. He was out of his depth as soon as nothing conclusive showed on the X-ray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 108

Everyone's an expert

By Goiter - 17/06/2019 07:00 - United States - Fort Washington

Today, I was telling my fiancée about my Hashimoto's symptoms when my MIL to-be said, "You must be drinking too much alcohol. My aunt had a goiter and it only swelled when she drank, usually bourbon or beer." She then walked out of the room, perfectly content with her "diagnosis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 171

Come on, man

By Anonymous - 07/07/2022 22:00

Today, I realized my boyfriend is more tough to deal with than any customer at my call center job, because all I do when I talk to him is use de-escalation and sympathization techniques used when customers are upset or angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 204

Priorities

By Anonymous - 10/04/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, when she found out my mother died, my ever empathetic wife said, “Tell them not to have the funeral on Friday. I have a hair appointment.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 87

Lovely family vibes

By Anonymous - 14/07/2022 18:00

Today, we have three kids. Two were "natural" and our third was through expensive IVF. Of all three kids, only our IVF son turned out to be a real asshole. Now he’s going to jail for armed robbery and pushing a pregnant woman to the floor. Wish we’d saved that IVF money and paid off the mortgage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 378

You deserved it 525

Creature comforts

By Anonymous - 22/10/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, while my man raves about that one time he went hiking with his brother, without even a sleeping bag, spending the night under piles of dry leaves, now that we are looking for a small camper van, he insists it must have a toilet, kitchen, and indoor shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 167

Stay out of trouble, kids

By Anonymous - 14/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I complimented a woman on her "beautiful pregnancy glow" at the grocery store. She wasn’t pregnant. She was holding a melon. I’ve never backed out of a conversation so fast in my life. Note to self: Don't go grocery shopping after a night of drinking and no sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 748

Controlling

By Anonymous - 02/11/2023 00:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that the ring I wear on my ring finger needs to come off because it's too big. It's too big because I bought it for him and he gave it back to me 6 months later. I've been wearing it on the same finger for the last 3 months with no problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 104

Them's the rules

By Anonymous - 28/07/2022 10:00 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I found out the guy I've been pursuing for six months doesn't date people in recovery. That's literally how we met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 355

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The Top

Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokémon game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 764

You deserved it 24 411

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 209

You deserved it 274 631

Random

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 057

You deserved it 3 632

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 827

You deserved it 110 539

Today, I was hit with a sudden urge to shit. I knew it was going to be a bad one, so I ran out of the meeting. I made it to the toilet in time, but I forgot to lift the lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 638

Today, my mom yelled at me in the store so loudly and for so long, a crowd began to form. The reason? I didn’t know how much milk we had left at home. I don’t drink milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 118

Today, I've come to accept that while my family claims to be supportive of my disabilities, they become completely ableist whenever they're the source of the problem, or if my problems otherwise have a direct effect on them. I have no real friends in this world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 203

Today, I was alone in the kitchen doing the dishes, and I started singing along to my favorite song when it came on my playlist. However, unbeknownst to me, my neighbors were having a barbecue next door, and they cheered and applauded when I'd finished. I’m never singing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 185