The Top

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By sma93 - 17/12/2016 18:30 - United States - Baldwin

Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 747

You deserved it 596

By BrokeStudentTryingToDoSomethingNice - 02/12/2016 06:31

Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all the post and gifts they have been sending her. For a special birthday / Christmas, I'd splurged on an expensive, interactive mystery game where you are mailed clues over the course of 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 999

You deserved it 1 578

Animal

By Anonymous - 22/05/2017 12:00

Today, I worked construction building a hotel. I was taking out the trash when I suddenly felt an extreme urge to poop. I ran into one of the rooms and found an empty cardboard box to poop into. Finished, I closed the box and made my way to the door. I then saw my boss staring at me from the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 781

You deserved it 4 718

By totallymyfaultyeah - 18/07/2017 05:00

Today, it was my 23rd birthday. I didn't make it to my party because I was rear-ended on the way there by a 16-year-old in a red mustang going 50+ mph. My birthday cake landed in my lap and I was yelled at by his mother for getting chocolate icing on their insurance card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 978

You deserved it 329

By Iris - 12/10/2016 13:53 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today I bought a $50 voucher card to refill my phone. After I purchased it, I threw the receipt in the dustbin. When I got home, I found out that the 14-digit pin code was on the receipt. I basically threw 57 bucks in the dustbin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 417

You deserved it 11 777

By Lissa - 14/09/2016 00:00 - United States - Baldwin

Today, my stupid coworker informed the managers that there were no more kids' menus downstairs. Trusting her word, they ordered 3 full boxes. She then asked me where we kept them. We now have 12,000 kids menus to fold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 774

You deserved it 976

By wait, what - 17/10/2017 22:00 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I found a 2-page letter nailed to the door of my car demanding that I break up with my girlfriend, Janet, so that a "real man" can date her instead. I’m a single straight woman and I don’t know anybody called Janet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 905

You deserved it 218

It's a trap

By Dangling - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Lizella

Today, as I entered our narrow hallway while leaving the bathroom, my belt loop caught on the knob of a nearby closet. My husband had to come and rescue me as I hung there, my ass in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 096

You deserved it 1 822

End of the road

By Anonymous - 28/02/2018 05:00

Today, I woke up to a note on my nightstand from my fiancée, along with the ring I proposed to her with yesterday, which stated that not only was she not ready to be married, but she’d been planning to end things before I “blindsided" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 642

You deserved it 486

By JTBastry - 30/04/2018 19:00

Today, after graduating from culinary school, I was turned down by Chipotle, Jersey Mike's, and McDonald's entry-level jobs because I didn't have enough experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 157

You deserved it 410

By Anonymous - 24/05/2018 19:00

Today, after submitting a 500-word essay to a writing contest, I found out that I lost to someone who wrote 3 sentences. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 038

You deserved it 511

By Anonymous - 10/06/2018 15:00

Today, I ended up in the hospital due to a severe acid reflux attack. I knew I had acid reflux for years, but was never allowed to get it checked out. Why? My dad told me I was too young to have it and that I was making it up. I now have to see a specialist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 191

You deserved it 281

By princess - 08/09/2018 13:00

Today, I accidentally touched a hot pan and, like any normal person would, jerked my hand back. My mom saw, yelled at me for being a "prissy princess" and then proceeded to stick her whole hand on the hot pan for a full 5 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 004

You deserved it 390

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 22:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 871

You deserved it 302

A teaching moment

By Sensitive!!! - 24/08/2020 13:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 252

You deserved it 296

By Justkillme - 15/11/2018 03:00

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've been seeing. He confessed that he gave me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 730

You deserved it 454

By hellphone_fml - 22/11/2018 03:00

Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 937

You deserved it 308

By Ms Yeins - 26/04/2019 14:00 - Belgium - Mechelen

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public toilet. When I threw away the used one and opened a new one, it turned out that it had no thread on it! I took another one out. Again, defective! It was the last one I had with me, and it was the second day of my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 212

You deserved it 204

By feeling fed up - 25/04/2017 18:00 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, I spent hundreds of pounds buying my best friend concert tickets to see our favourite band, complete with a meet and greet. I drove over very excited to pick her up to take her. She had already left. With her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 862

You deserved it 607

Explosive

By burrrito_ - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I found out why you depressurize your espresso maker before changing out the coffee grinds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 070

You deserved it 3 412

By Anonymous - 29/07/2017 20:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my co-worker offered me sweets, then chocolate and then biscuits. Repeatedly. She knows I'm trying to diet for my wedding. She does this every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 510

You deserved it 467

Talk to her!

By Anonymoys - 07/04/2021 00:30 - United Kingdom

Today my girlfriend actually moved during sex. I love her, but she's so awful in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 412

By Daddy - 19/08/2016 14:55 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I discovered an effective form of body hair removal. I discovered that my three-year-old daughter is strong enough to pull off a major clump of my leg hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 649

You deserved it 1 249

Freedom of speech

By Powerless111 - 15/10/2019 20:00

Today, I got yelled at for 30 minutes while on a date for using the word "bitch." I used it to describe my friend's wife, who will also yell at you for 30 minutes for using a word she doesn't like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 1 957

Tactician

By Anonymous - 05/04/2020 02:00

Today, in the most polite and friendly way I could think of, I told a friend that she's slightly too dramatic about things. She started throwing a fit, deleted my number, and ended our seven-year friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 761

You deserved it 333

By minikat - 02/06/2018 15:00

Today, my parents woke me up and grounded me for the "disrespectful" things I said to them in my sleep. Apparently I say these things every night, and each time I do they extend the grounding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 137

You deserved it 269

Professional.

By Anonymous - 23/06/2018 19:00

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for racism after I refused to hire a black woman. I didn't hire her because she came to the interview wearing what was basically a bikini and she was covered in tattoos depicting lewd sex acts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 504

You deserved it 306

As seen on TV

By Big break - 18/05/2020 14:00

Today, I finally got my big TV debut. After thousand of dollars in acting classes and years of waiting to become a professional actress, I got featured in a commercial. I will be rubbing toilet paper against my face for all of four seconds. Hurray, fame! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 648

By sam.exe - 29/04/2016 19:26 - United States - New York

Today, I was declined a sales position at a local store. As I headed out, I heard the interviewer telling a colleague, "Christ. That kid had less charisma than Microsoft Sam." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 157

You deserved it 1 777

By iams - 30/08/2018 06:00

Today, I found out my mom is banging my ex-boyfriend's best friend. He’s 22 and my mom is 50. Oh, and not only does my ex know, but so does the whole town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 562

You deserved it 346

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The Top

Today, after watching Hulk with my friends, we spent a good half hour discussing exactly how enlarged Bruce Banner's package would be in his Hulk state. I couldn't hide my excitement, and now my friends won't stop teasing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 540

You deserved it 25 410

Today, my sister decided to wake me up by pumping handwash into my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 056

You deserved it 3 522

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 542

You deserved it 18 977

Today, despite the fact that I've lived alone for four years, and have a well-paid job, my father is still whining about, "Why am I still playing video games at age 32?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 159

Today, my mother thought it would be a wonderful idea to make me late for me own wedding. It wouldn't be so bad if she hadn't focused solely on my sister because my wedding didn't center on her. The sister in question snubbed being my maid of honor over a year ago, and just decided to randomly show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 91

Today, I was washing my face and I started rinsing the soap off my face with my eyes closed when I felt something gooey on my face. I opened my eyes to realize I had been rubbing snot on my face from when water got up my nose and apparently snot came down with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 118