The Top

The sad part was there wasn't even a box of cheerios in the room at the time (even though there usually is). I had to go to my food spot and double check anyway so I could sleep.

Nice neighborhood

By Mrs. W. - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 978

You deserved it 2 510

Demonic

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 14:41 - United States - Modesto

Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 361

You deserved it 3 800

By sickofthisshit - 02/07/2016 16:43 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I nearly got written up for "publicly humiliating" a coworker. All because I left a note in the restroom asking whoever keeps peeing all over the floor to please be considerate of other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 267

You deserved it 1 031

By vacationless - 05/02/2013 19:35 - United States - Parkersburg

Today, I finished booking the non-refundable cruise for my wife and I to the Bahamas. I did this after confirming once again that my mother could take care of our son while we're away. An hour after I paid, she called back saying she mistook the dates and can't do it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 174

You deserved it 2 667

By Kfeaaa - 24/02/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, I ran up to my boyfriend and gave him a kiss. I didn't understand why the girl next to him got upset, but it turns out the voicemail I deleted by accident was him breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 033

You deserved it 7 593

Gun control

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 10:59

Today, I took my 15-year-old daughter to our local shooting range for her birthday, as she requested. While she was setting up a target in front of me, I jokingly pulled the trigger and shouted, "Think Fast!" not realizing that the safety was off. I shot my daughter in the arm on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 4 465

By drewcaver - 12/04/2015 19:49 - United States - Houston

Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 696

You deserved it 2 333

Unmotivational speaker

By Shivvy - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I came downstairs disappointed thinking that my parents had forgotten my birthday. Turns out they didn't forget, they just couldn't be bothered to do anything for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 883

You deserved it 3 278

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 969

You deserved it 1 283

Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 214

You deserved it 4 079

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of four years. She took the opportunity to tell me that she's pregnant. With my half-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 435

You deserved it 284

Today, I was arrested on my 25th birthday and thrown in jail overnight for impersonating myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 179

Today, my dad grounded me. Again. First it was my phone, now my watch. How the hell am I supposed to communicate now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 1 203

Today, while registering to get married, my fiancé and I discovered that we’re already married and have been since our first foreign holiday together, to Vegas, when we got very drunk. Elvis was there. See where I’m going with this? Our parents are furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 1 065