Spicy

By Anonymous - 18/01/2017 10:00

Spicy

Today, I shaved my lady bits for the first time to surprise my husband, who I haven't seen in months due to deployment. I ended up with razor burn and my dim-witted husband believes I cheated on him and that it's an STD. Nothing will tell him otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 774

You deserved it 1 658

By Disrespectful - 18/01/2017 09:01

Spicy

Today, my boss fired me for "disrespecting" him after I told him to fuck off. This would be understandable, if I hadn't said it when he was at my house for dinner, harassing my wife with suggestive poses, heavily implied comments, and trying to put his hand on her crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 335

You deserved it 898

By stun_zeed - 17/01/2017 10:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 176

You deserved it 1 287

By Adam - 16/01/2017 08:00

Spicy

Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 826

You deserved it 1 008

By Annoyed - 15/01/2017 18:00

Spicy

Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing blow job, he asked me if I'd seen Kung Fu Panda 3 yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 046

You deserved it 1 724

By Anonymous - 15/01/2017 10:00

Spicy

Today, I accidentally uploaded a video of me pleasing myself to my Snapchat story. Five people saw it before I could take it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 097

You deserved it 15 248

By Lesbian - 14/01/2017 10:00

Spicy

Today, my coworker, who I hardly ever speak to, gave me a birthday present. It was an 8,000-word extremely graphic story of how he convinced a lesbian to have anal sex with him in the work bathroom. She had my name and characteristics. I'm the only lesbian he knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 198

You deserved it 728

By Bad parenting101 - 08/01/2017 03:23 - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, my son shaved his eyebrows. Two days ago, I caught my 10-year-old daughter watching porn. I'm totally winning at parenting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 891

You deserved it 2 290

By OhGodWhy - 29/12/2016 23:30 - United States - Indianapolis

Spicy

Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 808

You deserved it 887

By bdw89 - 29/12/2016 18:42 - United States - Warrensburg

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years still can't get it that dry humping me and saying, "But I'm horny" in a goofy voice isn't a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 341

You deserved it 1 038

By admin1771 - 25/12/2016 17:00 - United States - Alexandria

Spicy

Today, I'm supposed to go to my girlfriend's house for Christmas with her family. I got a text from her saying that her dad found our used condom package from last night. I'm supposed to be there in 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 004

You deserved it 3 218

Right to privacy

By NoctisMax - 25/12/2016 06:47 - United States - Humble

Spicy

Today, I was caught doing it with my boyfriend in a car because we wanted to have privacy from my family. I'm a grown adult with my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 552

You deserved it 2 433

By notagoodjoke - 25/12/2016 01:01 - United States - Vincentown

Spicy

Today, Christmas Eve, I told my wife she has three presents to choose from: one large, one small and one tiny. She immediately responded, "Is the tiny one in your pants?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 780

You deserved it 2 248

Revealing

By Anonymous - 23/12/2016 12:09 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, on WhatsApp, I jokingly said, "I have been a naughty furry, I need spanking" in a group chat with all my friends. They had a good time laughing their asses off, not only because of the text, but because I put it in a group that included my boss and all of my colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 557

You deserved it 9 886

By missblue97 - 23/12/2016 08:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad asked my step-mom if he could get some booty before bed because he still had energy. He didn't realize I was still in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 716

You deserved it 946

By Anonymous - 21/12/2016 23:13

Spicy

Today, I went to my parents house to secretly collect all of their home videos and convert them to DVDs as a Christmas gift. Among them I found a sex tape my parents had made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 802

You deserved it 3 677

By Mb13 - 21/12/2016 20:02

Spicy

Today, I got my nipples pierced. Momentarily forgetting about the piercings, I started to lather up with my loofa. Shark week in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 386

You deserved it 5 069

The grass is never greener

By Toolate - 21/12/2016 12:26

Spicy

Today, after having gone off the pill a couple of weeks ago, I finally got my old friskiness back only to find part of a condom wrapper in my husband's pocket. Turns out he was impatient and went elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 786

You deserved it 1 384

By anon - 20/12/2016 23:57 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Spicy

Today, after taking a guy home and getting frisky, he woke up in the middle of the night, got out of bed, and peed on my desk. That's 2 years of uni work and my laptop soaked through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 2 920

Nice to know

By LyricalTragedy - 16/12/2016 00:08

Spicy

Today, I saw my father for the first time in two years. He felt compelled to tell me about how he got involved with a BDSM group and got an STD because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 124

You deserved it 746

New stars

By Wobblefat - 14/12/2016 13:16

Spicy

Today, I was watching porn when I found a lookalike of my soon-to-be sister-in-law. She's attractive, so I enjoyed watching her getting it on by herself. Needless to say I did not finish as I saw another "lookalike" entering the room. I have now seen my brother's erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 042

You deserved it 4 433

By breedles - 10/12/2016 22:20

Spicy

Today, my extremely inebriated boyfriend casually mentioned that he wished I had a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 721

You deserved it 855

breedles tells us more.

breedles 28

Friday 16 December 2016 1:11

Hey guys, OP here. I love the comments xD This happened a couple of months ago, and actually, before this incident he did confide in me that he was bisexual, and as I am open minded and bisexual as well, we did do some experimenting with a strap on to see if I could satisfy him on that level. His comment was meant to suggest that because I didn't have a REAL penis, it wasn't enough for him, which was painful to hear, because obviously, there was nothing I could do about it and I was very invested in our relationship. He changed his stance on the matter when he was sober, but we did move out of a boyfriend girlfriend relationship and into more of a FWB relationship, and we're both happier now. :)

By Anonymous - 08/12/2016 14:53

Spicy

Today, during sex, I somehow sneezed hard enough to really hurt my neck and shoulder. But don't worry, writhing in pain doesn't ruin the mood. My boyfriend just kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 825

You deserved it 1 389

What a thoughtful gift

By Natsert99 - 08/12/2016 14:02 - United States - Deerfield

Spicy

Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 155

You deserved it 1 263

By Junkrat - 08/12/2016 13:32

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 574

You deserved it 3 318

By Anonymous - 08/12/2016 09:35

Spicy

Today, it's been so long since my fiancé and I have had sex I now apparently have dreams about all-night unprotected screwing marathons with George Bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 330

You deserved it 1 452

By youngsamoo92 - 07/12/2016 04:32 - United States - Houston

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate when she pulled me in close and whispered in my ear, "We're getting Chips Ahoy after this." I came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 643

You deserved it 2 998

By Anonymous - 05/12/2016 18:22

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex in the same bed my dog pooped in because we were both too polite to ask the other person why they smelt like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 226

You deserved it 5 465

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The Top

The Top

Today, the woman who wanted a relationship, sent me heart kisses multiple times a day every day, and claimed that everything was perfect, bailed on me after I asked her if she could fit in one more than the current four days a month we see each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 116

Today, my roommate's boyfriend told me he would be driving the several hours EVERY weekend to come see his girlfriend. As a couple, they are constantly all over each other, and can't seem to break out of the annoying baby talk voice. Plus, they like to kick me out of the room to do stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 409

You deserved it 5 765

Today, I felt rain on my face. I looked up and saw a man peeing out of a hot air balloon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 043

You deserved it 314

Today, I got my drivers license suspended until I am 18 for driving without a license. Where was I driving to? My last day of Drivers Ed. The high school where I take Drivers Ed. classes at is across the street from my house. I gave up 3 years of driving to drive 100 feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 432

You deserved it 104 575

Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 066

You deserved it 5 086

Today, I walked into an office at work, ready to ask everyone a question. I then blanked and forgot why I was there the second everyone turned to look at me. I just stood there, nodded, and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 130