Spicy

By Anonymous - 15/09/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 615

You deserved it 2 157

By Steve - 13/09/2017 04:30

Spicy

Today, I helped my girlfriend pick out a pretty dress for a corporate event. It turns out the first use it was going to see was a date with her side dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 377

You deserved it 395

Sick

By Anonymous - 11/09/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was sick for the fourth day in a row. I stopped by her house to check on her and bring some necessities, only to find her ex's truck in the driveway, and the sounds of some very intense love making coming from inside. I guess she's not that sick after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 924

You deserved it 557

What a jerk!

By traumatized house keeper - 08/09/2017 13:00 - Germany - Munster

Spicy

Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 500

You deserved it 432

Creeper Alert

By of fucking course - 05/09/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 180

You deserved it 903

Damn you, Siri

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 00:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 033

You deserved it 4 165

Book club gone wild!

By TheWriter - 01/09/2017 04:30

Spicy

Today, during a family gathering, my mom, grandmother, and aunts started talking about an erotic novel they're all reading on Amazon. My cousin asked for the writer's name and I heard my pseudonym in response. My entire family is reading my horribly-written porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 518

You deserved it 1 533

By Anonymous - 31/08/2017 16:00

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 4 years thinks my chemotherapy sessions are the perfect opportunity to sleep with other girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 487

You deserved it 312

Red handed

By grandpa porn - 28/08/2017 01:30

Spicy

Today, while I was walking to the kitchen, I heard someone on the TV moaning. As I made my way down the stairs, I saw my grandfather quickly change the channel and lean forward. I'm 90% sure I caught my grandpa watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 760

You deserved it 382

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 01:30

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was in the midst of giving me head when she got lockjaw. My dick was stuck inside her mouth as she bit down on it for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 502

You deserved it 783

OMG

By At least she knows I floss - 25/08/2017 14:15 - United States - Pomona

Spicy

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents and everything was going perfectly. He and I even had some time alone upstairs, where I gave him a blowjob. After dinner, his mom helpfully pointed out something stuck in my braces and inspected it for me. It was a pube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 503

You deserved it 5 375

By Anonymous - 24/08/2017 07:00 - United States - Carlisle

Spicy

Today, I came home early from work and found my brother in my bed with a girl I've never met. Apparently he's been using my house to hook up with girls while I'm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 766

You deserved it 389

By Anonymous - 23/08/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, I'm a counselor at summer camp. I don't know how to tell the 12-year-old girl in my cabin that I can hear porn playing through her headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 383

You deserved it 328

Ménage à nope

By 3somer - 20/08/2017 04:29

Spicy

Today, I received a text from the woman with whom my boyfriend and I recently had a threesome. After years of fantasizing, I finally experienced what it was like to be with another girl. Now we also get to experience what it's like to have gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 119

You deserved it 5 197

By really_dad? - 17/08/2017 13:00

Spicy

Today, I came out to my parents. After we had a talk about them accepting me, my dad said, "Now get out of here you little duck sucker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 923

You deserved it 720

Deep Sigh? More like Deep Throat

By Deep Sigh - 14/08/2017 23:15

Spicy

Today, I wanted to get my mind off my ex, so like any other guy I decided to watch some porn and jack it. I see one video with a familiar looking room so I click on it. Guess who I saw getting it from some dude? So much for forgetting about my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 480

You deserved it 614

Mood ruiner

By Skittles - 13/08/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 863

You deserved it 1 310

By thebigguy - 12/08/2017 04:30

Spicy

Today, as it's been a long time since I've been with a woman, I decided to enlist the services of an escort. Upon my arrival, she looked at me and said, "Honey, we are going to need a bottle of whiskey and an extra $100." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 805

You deserved it 1 318

Oh no…

By Tomato - 11/08/2017 14:30

Spicy

Today, I went with the kids I work with to a roller rink, where there are tons of black lights. Under the glow, I realized in horror that an old semen stain could be seen on my shorts. Praying no one saw, or realized what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 703

You deserved it 3 599

By Didn't want to hear that from you - 11/08/2017 10:46

Spicy

Today, my mother-in-law and I were having a lovely chat about my partner, until she asked me if he was good in bed and started saying things like "I've seen it, great length. I'm jealous." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 817

You deserved it 658

Scoobz tells us more.

Scoobz 2

Sunday 6 August 2017 2:33

OP here!! Can't believe that this actually got posted! My mother-in-law and I have a unique, open relationship... Quite traumatic at times though. We're like good friends, that sometimes take it too far. Thank you all for your comments!!

White lie

By Sorrymom - 11/08/2017 01:30

Spicy

Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 492

You deserved it 928

At least it wasn't rotting coconut?

By Getmeoutofhere - 10/08/2017 17:15 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said, "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 579

You deserved it 1 163

By Anonymous - 09/08/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, I got a call from the wife, but I was asleep so she left a voicemail. Seems like she accidentally called while sleeping with another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 255

You deserved it 363

By Anonymous - 09/08/2017 13:00

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted him to be a little more masculine and dominant in the bedroom. He broke up with me because I'm not "feminist enough". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 231

You deserved it 1 385

Stoner Logic

By Anonymous - 07/08/2017 00:30

Spicy

Today, I've been sleeping with my drug dealer from high school who I still buy pot from for the past week. He made me go down on him a few days ago and he smelled funny but I didn't say anything. Today, he told me he only showers 2-3 times a month and he thinks he's a genius for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 229

You deserved it 11 530

By OhGreat - 04/08/2017 12:00

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend who is a VERY loud moaner. He kept saying my name over and over again then all of a sudden his mom comes in and says "yes hun...oh God sorry"...that's how I found out I have the same name as my boyfriend's mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 242

You deserved it 1 104

OhGreat. tells us more.

OhGreat. 9

Wednesday 2 August 2017 22:08

Hey OP here! No he doesn't live with with his mom. No I didn't know his mom's name. He lives alone so no we didn't lock the doors. His mom lives in Florida with his step dad she was coming up to visit and to meet me she was a week early! He never called her by her first name it's always "my mom". But I guess when she's around he calls her by her first name all the time but with me he calls her mom. I hope to God that during us having sex he wasn't thinking of her....thats weird.

FML: Uncensored

By Cliché... or Touché? - 03/08/2017 02:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 889

You deserved it 62 158

Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo

By Rhett_15 - 01/08/2017 13:00

Spicy

Today, I found out that my favorite song is about blow jobs and crystal meth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 447

You deserved it 958

Doggy Wants A Bone

By Oh man... - 01/08/2017 06:30 - Australia - Perth

Spicy

Today, I began my ritual of my afternoon wank. As I was about to finish, I noticed my dog staring at me from across the room. We shared a longboard stare as I came, and I can't look him in the eyes the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 024

You deserved it 5 068

By Justlooking - 28/07/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, my new husband of two weeks attempted to solicit sex from a hooker. He tried to excuse himself by saying, "I would never cheat on you! I was just looking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 447

You deserved it 592

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FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, despite having my 5-day-leave approved 2 months ago, my boss demanded I return to work in the middle of it. Why? She wants to go on a vacation and no one else is available at such short notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 490

You deserved it 1 573

Today, it's my birthday, and I was going over to my friend's house for dinner. When I walked in, everyone yelled, "Surprise!" and then turned on the lights. When my friend looked over at me, she said, "Wrong person guys, turn off the lights." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 657

You deserved it 3 347

Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 629

You deserved it 3 541

Today, my OCD boyfriend stopped mid-way through sex just to crack all ten of his knuckles after accidentally cracking one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 490

You deserved it 4 900

Today, I got into a fight with my roommate's girlfriend's best friend. A few hours later, they had me evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 259

Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 885

You deserved it 8 728