Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and...

By Saradee - 24/12/2012 04:55 - United States - Inglewood

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 228

You deserved it 10 974

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Same thing different taste

This ain't working out

By just a reaction - 17/08/2020 23:09

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 098

You deserved it 343

Orders

By belljars - 18/04/2014 02:27 - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 270

You deserved it 9 167

Cool moves, bro

By Anonymous - 30/06/2012 09:45

Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 390

You deserved it 5 700

Like in the movies

By alltern8ive - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 647

You deserved it 5 165

Kinky

By LaLa - 09/01/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 815

You deserved it 7 888

By omgdesdes - 16/11/2014 01:29 - United States - Casselberry

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 751

You deserved it 6 029

Sensitive snowflake

By onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 450

You deserved it 26 543

By I warned him - 19/12/2014 02:39 - United States - Marietta

Today, I beat my boyfriend in a video game. He promptly dumped me and told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 214

You deserved it 4 649

Thunderstruck

By myasshurts - 14/10/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 765

You deserved it 6 673

Are you experienced?

By still laughing - 28/08/2015 21:48 - United States - Providence

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 526

You deserved it 5 120

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

Monday 24 December 2012 9:38

Wear a chastity belt next time and scream," YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

Roguedork19 8

Monday 24 December 2012 9:44

No, this is Patrick. O.o

Comments

Sugarcane1234 0

Tuesday 25 December 2012 8:48

I don't get why you posted this. I would be laughing my ass off.

asilentcoconut 0

Tuesday 25 December 2012 10:22

I have officially lost faith in the male sex...

rasta76 9

Tuesday 25 December 2012 17:09

i guess it's because he didn't get his open tongue kiss from a man.

AgaveLoco 5

Tuesday 25 December 2012 18:37

Now, you can use your foot in his balls

eirameelhsa 6

Tuesday 25 December 2012 18:58

Hahaha soo going to do that.

DrFuzzyPickles 9

Wednesday 26 December 2012 18:00

When would you get the chance to do that?

ThuggishBabes 2

Tuesday 25 December 2012 19:25

LMFAO , hahaha .

Shawn_R_Carter 4

Tuesday 25 December 2012 19:27

Funniest one I've read in a long time!

sacmaster 11

Wednesday 26 December 2012 0:06

That is so freakin EPIC

Jordath_Fil 11

Wednesday 26 December 2012 4:34

Human decency, what is that? You forget: This Is FML!

Cloeeewashere 8

Wednesday 26 December 2012 4:43

LOL!

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The Top

Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 310

You deserved it 3 858

Today, I didn't have my key, so my sister told me to call her to let me in. I called, no answer. I waited for 15 minutes and then called my dad complaining about her, still being outside. She popped her out the window and yelled, "Don't talk about me, bitch!" and wouldn't open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 107

You deserved it 4 616

Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 678

You deserved it 2 169

Today, I gave an old owl lamp away because I had no need for it. The new owner informed me shortly after that it was worth $400. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 282

You deserved it 22 850

Today, I was feeling sad and lonely. I got a message from my father-in-law asking how I was. I instantly felt great that someone was thinking of me and wanted to chat. It soon became clear that the account was hacked. The hacker said more to me than my own family on the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 141

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't have sex with me because he doesn't want his mom "watching from heaven." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 751

You deserved it 7 868

Same thing different taste

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