Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate with each other, starting with some foreplay. Before he fingered me, he put on a blue surgical glove, claiming that "down there is dirty and smelly" and he didn't want it on his hand. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was finally time for both of us to have sex with each other. He kept his shoes on the whole time because he thought he had smelly feet. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML
Close but no BJ
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Steamy
Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML
Today, my boyfriend of over one and a half years told me he won't give me a hand job because "it's awfully wet down there," and he isn't "a fan of other people's bodily fluids." FML
Crotch rot of the mouth
Today, as I hadn’t showered yet, I told my boyfriend not to go down on me in case it smelled "down there." We started kissing instead, but he made a "blech" face, then went down on me anyway. Apparently my morning breath was worse than unwashed crotch. FML
Turn me on
Today, as my boyfriend was unbuttoning my pants to go down on me, he looked at me and said in his best robot voice, "Caution, contents may be stinky." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML
Thorough check
Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. FML
Top comments
PhantomCrevan 8
Well... is their odor there? Or unusual discharge? Or had you simply not bathed recently? If he seriously felt your mothers were so unsanitary he needed to use gloves, then either something IS wrong, or he has some issues he needs to work out. Which, don't be surprised if said issues turn out to be his **** habits gave him unrealistic standards and expectations of how that anatomy is supposed to be.
bluejello2001 18
Yeah, it does not sound like this is a guy who is mature enough for sex.
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Comments (28)
Dameon Diablo 2
PhantomCrevan 8
Well... is their odor there? Or unusual discharge? Or had you simply not bathed recently? If he seriously felt your mothers were so unsanitary he needed to use gloves, then either something IS wrong, or he has some issues he needs to work out. Which, don't be surprised if said issues turn out to be his **** habits gave him unrealistic standards and expectations of how that anatomy is supposed to be.
bluejello2001 18
Yeah, it does not sound like this is a guy who is mature enough for sex.
TeachAllTheMath 19
What?! Vaginas have an odor?! How abhorrent!!! They should be surgically clean at all times with zero odor at all times! Calling a ****** “mothers” is really icky. It’s a ******. You can just say ******, we aren’t in elementary school anymore. (Also- the irony of you mentioning I don’t have a good grasp on the English language in a former conversation we had on a different post, and then using their instead of there is not lost on me)
Inkoseh 31
I think they tried to spell 'mothers for Nether-regions. Althougthinthehehe OP'boyfriendsnd may be going overboard, there ARE some women who think their smell is normal, when in fact there is yeast problems. And it DOES smell! Then too, I remember the majority of users on here are young to mid-teens and are severely uneducated in anatomy. Not entirely sure how old OP/BF is, or if OP's BF is telling the truth or is a moronic jerk.
Inkoseh 31
Oh my gosh, it corrected me too. NETHERS*
PhantomCrevan 8
It's called autocorrect and FML refusing to reimplement the edit function despite knowing that people have run into repeated issues due to autocorrect making incorrect changes. Which, even if I had substituted one homophone for another, it would be a very different matter than an inability to understand a basic concept. Like knocking. Also, bringing up something from nearly a month ago on a completely separate post? Real mature, and not at all harassing or off topic. You've shown your poor grasp of manners again, considering that it is well known that it's inappropriate to intentionally attempt to embarrass someone while pretending said attempt is a corrective statement. Finally, unusual or strong vaginal odor IS a sign of a problem, more specifically it tends to indicate an infection of some kind, be it bacterial or fungal. There's a distinct difference between the scent produced by healthy body parts and one that is experiencing some sort of issue, regardless of what said body part is. Hence why scent can be and is in fact used as a diagnostic tool for many illnesses. So if you are going to attempt to correct someone in order to "show up" someone for an entirely different subject, it may be beneficial to know what you are talking about. Or, you could be a mature adult- which, presumably as a married person, you should be- and not drag up an unrelated subject, after you yourself claimed said subject was settled.
TeachAllTheMath 19
Nethers or mothers, it’s still called a ******. To my credit, it was damn near impossible not to take the bait when you knocked me for my English language abilities, and you left the bait right “their”. You don’t need to get all crazy upset though, just joking around with you.
Bloo2555 22
That's what the shower and mouth wash is for.
Vesi 29
You do not EVER use ANYTHING inside the ******, especially mouthwash! It takes care of itself. If medical help is needed, then only via a Doc's orders (suppositories). Funny how everyone jumped on OP saying she has a medical condition. In this case, I suspect the issue is actually the guy has a problem with female genitalia. On the plus side, at least the OP knows he's protecting himself with any other girls, too. But if she is truly concerned about herself, a simple and quick visit with a gun will ease her mind.
brandosgirl87 2
I think he meant mouthwash for the mouth, after oral... not into the ******. I think he was talking about ways for the guy to clean himself up after.
Vesi 29
OK.. that was supposed to say G Y N not a gun... dahell FML???
RichardPencil 30
Lobby_Bee 17
RichardPencil 30
Hmm? If a woman wants to wear blue gloves while giving me a ********, I’d go for that!
Lobby_Bee 17
It would look like a dude from Blue Man Group is gently caressing my penis. I'm not sure how I would feel about that.
Steffi 26
Or put a blue glove on his willy if he asks for a *******
mssileas 25
ProperPengTing 15
Shouldve waited for the bells
manb91uk 22
Goatstookallusernames 5
Ppl will obviously ask about your personal hygiene when you post such an FML, but you did anyway. YDI.
filthyPierre 4
Geez, what's wrong with him? Dirty and smelly is the best part!