Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML
Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked through the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML
Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories' sake". FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML
Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML
Today, I slipped as I was about to take a shower, knocking myself out cold. I woke up to someone banging on my door. It was a cop checking to see if I was okay. When I asked how he knew to come, he said he was notified by "a male neighbor who called anonymously." I guess I have a peeping Tom. FML
Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML
Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML
Today, I took my kids to our local swimming pool. When we arrived, there were several cop cars parked outside and a group of officers interrogating a creepy, haggard-looking old man who was in handcuffs on the bench. As we got closer, I realized the man was my ex-husband. FML
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Top comments
luis72091 0
you're married to a criminal lol
cgchamp89 7
Used to? Maybe your husband is like the Craiglist killer and you just don't know it
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Comments (111)
daxter136 0
so you married an axe murderer
A13X33STJ 0
hey im watching that right now.
BoronBullet 0
you should have told the detectives that your neighbors were really harboring that criminal and he has now made a timely ecscape! They will always remember this as the day they almost caught captain jack sparrow.
User1518 6
Haha, how does that even happen?! XD You've got some awesome neighbors!
RedPillSucks 31
You've been hit by... You've been struck by.... You've been married to.... a smooth criminal.
FireSphinx 5
smooth criminal by alien ant farm I love them :D and I love for knowing them lol
cumverg 0
^ Can't tell if trolling, or just really stupid
Ieatpeople1984 0
Alien ant farm did a COVER of said song
BWill9014 4
Yeah, but he was obviously referring to the Michael jackson original version considering well known...
FireSphinx 5
"hide your kids hide your wives and hide your husbands , cuz they raping everybody out here"
berryblue 0
amazing what did he do?
zimandme123 0
is he???
Consequences 0
That's going to make game night awkward.
AnimalLover1031 8
Don't they need a warrant to do that? They must of had proof that your husband did what ever they say he did .
TheIllusionist 0
more proof that most of this is fake D;
UnfOrg1ven 1
^^ I think you are right