Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML
Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked through the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML
Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories' sake". FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML
Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML
Today, I slipped as I was about to take a shower, knocking myself out cold. I woke up to someone banging on my door. It was a cop checking to see if I was okay. When I asked how he knew to come, he said he was notified by "a male neighbor who called anonymously." I guess I have a peeping Tom. FML
Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML
Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML
Today, I took my kids to our local swimming pool. When we arrived, there were several cop cars parked outside and a group of officers interrogating a creepy, haggard-looking old man who was in handcuffs on the bench. As we got closer, I realized the man was my ex-husband. FML
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Top comments
luis72091 0
you're married to a criminal lol
cgchamp89 7
Used to? Maybe your husband is like the Craiglist killer and you just don't know it
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Comments (111)
airborn54 0
fyl you shouldn't have married the achmed the animal ******
YacL 15
So many things wrong with that comment.
mrT95 1
thanks
luis72091 0
you're married to a criminal lol
bravesfan112233 0
run while you still can
Agiggleaday 0
...Or maybe he is a criminal but hes a master of disguise.
Jimmyd0t 0
craigslist killer! lol well at least they didn't show up with pointed guns
TheEricCartman 0
My friend Kyle was arrested by Apple once, it was so COOL!
magentaballoon15 8
^ i was about to ask if your bane was Cartmen, and then I realized it was:) Ps: I love ur name
YacL 15
I wonder what the crimes committed were.
herrobear 0
Admit it!! You killed him didn't you!!!
jamieleigh_315 0
#18 I love ur pic hahaha
6joe9 0
#67 isnt that you in the picture ???
6joe9 0
#67 isn't that you in the pic ????
lovinj 2
ouch!!!!! you just got burned!!!!
alexg823 0
Figuratively, of course.
winfieldALJD 6
#41's picture explains this perfectly.
secret_dragon 0
you should report your neighbours to the police
lifesucks1234567_fml 2
read the FML more carefully before you post comments like this
PassTheDutch 0
think more before you post comments at all. secret dragon was clearly saying that to get back at the neighbors.
marix54888 0
well it doesn't say my neighbor upstairs, it say's my neighbors upstairs. so NYPD showed the picture to OP's neighbors upstairs, not her neighbors.
tinytimmy2 2
WTF are you saying?
numbers878 8
101 is probably saying that op lived in a apartment
Mcstud1y 30
Perfect revenge 3
cgchamp89 7
Used to? Maybe your husband is like the Craiglist killer and you just don't know it
A7X_LoVeee 10
Hey, I saw that movie on Lifetime!
JesusFishTaco 5
I wanna play this FML in LA Noire.
imacreeper 3
The movie was awful:(
A7X_LoVeee 10
I would say 98% of Lifetime movies are.
Niqhtware 6
Looks like someone has a dark past.
1215116a 14
This has nothing to do with the FML, but why is your profile picture of a dissected animal?
BigOrca 2
maybe he has a secret life. he is a criminal and when he says he is going to work he is really doing illegal activities.
justSTOPx100 5
yeah, i feel enlightened. thank you.
hollysterT 0
I didn't ;)
kiketag 0
remember everything hitler did was legal
sparta98 4
Actually, 74, I think Hitler was guilty of Homocide by Omission. Since he was married to Eva Braun, he had legal obligations to care for her, which he failed to fulfill.
Surferbro 5
Dude you ****** up in real estate
parxxx 0
lmao
parxxx 0
hahasoo true
hollysterT 0
what does that mean?? lol
PassTheDutch 0
parxxx, it's stalkers not stockers lol. and no I wasn't stalking you I was just reading your bio.
amandawarnermofo 0
loll
ColorfulDonut 7
somebody is not telling you something....
YacL 15
Either your neighbours were half asleep, your neighbours are evil or you husband's not telling you something.
OceanBreathesSal 5
or all of the above... :O
User1518 6
^ my thoughts exactly #43!
BigHoshJosh 0
you shouldn't have gave your neighbor crabgrass. that ***** annoying!
A13X33STJ 0
Im not a grammar nazi but you shouldnt have given....
1215116a 14
*Shouldn't
BigHoshJosh 0
Julie, I love you