Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML
Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked through the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML
Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories' sake". FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML
Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML
Today, I slipped as I was about to take a shower, knocking myself out cold. I woke up to someone banging on my door. It was a cop checking to see if I was okay. When I asked how he knew to come, he said he was notified by "a male neighbor who called anonymously." I guess I have a peeping Tom. FML
Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML
Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML
Today, I took my kids to our local swimming pool. When we arrived, there were several cop cars parked outside and a group of officers interrogating a creepy, haggard-looking old man who was in handcuffs on the bench. As we got closer, I realized the man was my ex-husband. FML
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Top comments
luis72091 0
you're married to a criminal lol
cgchamp89 7
Used to? Maybe your husband is like the Craiglist killer and you just don't know it
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Comments (111)
sourgirl101 28
And did they question your husband or was he out on a crime spree?
cgchamp89 7
He had one foot out the window by the time she opened the door... not sure she had the chance lol
SexyQueen0905 24
Yeah, or the Mad Butcher of Kingsbury Run returning!
Valdez_14 8
My guess, your neighbors hate your husband and want him out!!! Sucks to be you!!
kipdjordy 0
yea hes a criminal
Fayelyn 0
I'm sorry your husband is a criminal.
jasminea 0
hahaha, time to move(:
YourMomxD 8
To Mexico!
jasminea 0
they're even worse there... try again(:
alex6946 10
good morning! ;D
eirini2602 0
woopsyyy
swimmer150733 6
Lmfao damn that ****** sucks
The_Darth_Wabbit 3
"i'm sorry officers, he is a bad boy, just not the type you're thinking."