Intimacy: Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me... - FML

By fmysexlife - 27/07/2009 05:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 676

You deserved it 15 454

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

Bed move

By wellokthen - 26/11/2019 18:00 - United States - Birmingham

Spicy

Today, my friend sent me a link to a porn video. The guy in it was my boyfriend, the girl in it wasn't me, but they were in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 229

You deserved it 290

Kinky

By sandwichsex - 08/08/2009 22:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 221

You deserved it 12 041

By fuckadaisical - 06/12/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 467

You deserved it 8 909

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 575

You deserved it 6 885

By thismakesmesad - 07/09/2011 16:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 473

You deserved it 7 593

Dirty talk

By Username - 24/02/2010 15:06

Spicy

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 830

You deserved it 4 785

Hangry sex

By Krissy - 06/04/2012 02:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 215

You deserved it 4 862

By thoughtitwasspecial - 18/05/2011 05:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found a link to a porn website on my boyfriend's computer. A bit jealous, I asked why it was there. He told me that he thought thinking of me might get boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 567

You deserved it 20 782

How could you?

By datingmrpicky - 22/08/2011 03:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 527

You deserved it 37 048

Tasty!

By Username - 31/01/2011 15:47

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me the thing that gets him really horny. Apple sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 126

You deserved it 5 737

Next

Top comments

iLIAMMM 0

Monday 27 July 2009 12:04

I hope you made him a sandwich.

ihatewankers 0

Monday 27 July 2009 12:18

Next time he tells you he's horny, send him a link to "2 girls 1 cup", then tell him to make his own ******* sandwich.

Comments

PepsiMerch 4

Saturday 16 July 2011 4:34

that's genius...funniest thing ever.

xxchampionxx 0

Sunday 17 July 2011 7:43

har har you better make sandwhichs for him cause he just raped you. just kidding rape isn't funny. completely kidding of course rape is funny. like the long comment.

Alfonsooo 0

Monday 25 July 2011 1:15

it was probably meant as a sexist joke...

mastersmurf 13

Friday 12 August 2011 21:23

he's a keeper, i hope you did it.

TritonTheBeast 0

Wednesday 24 August 2011 7:55

WINNING

Impulseforyou 6

Saturday 27 August 2011 22:19

Haha thats funny! youre boyfriend wins! XD

alkaid 14

Sunday 28 August 2011 5:10

Im in love with your bf! LOL

_chrisbluee 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 0:15

hahaha!

gms16 2

Friday 21 October 2011 0:46

Haha! Classic.

tehemokid666 0

Friday 28 October 2011 0:08

Holy **** that was great.

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Keywords

Trauma Kids Accident Embarrassing Work You're fired Money Teenagers Pranks Transportation Poopoo peepee Intimacy NSFW Sex Parenting Family Cheating Love Fight Miscellaneous Awkward Lonely Shopping AITA Make up Dreams Medication Liar Weird Weddings

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Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 913

You deserved it 8 007

Today, my neighbour came over, claiming she was tired of receiving my psychic messages so yes, she would have a sexual relationship with me and my husband, as long as I stop sending messages because every message gives her a migraine. The cops and an ambulance were called real quick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 155

Today, my cousins are visiting from America and boy do I want rid of them. We went to a restaurant and ordering their food took over 20 minutes due to their crazy food orders. It was seriously like the restaurant scene in The Goldbergs, only not funny. Seriously, go watch that scene. MADNESS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 146

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 162

You deserved it 11 488

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?" I looked at him confused and then he said, "What about Dave? Dave? My boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 153

You deserved it 576

Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 5 423