Intimacy: Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went...

By checkup - 15/07/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 358

You deserved it 5 091

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 058

You deserved it 4 141

So close…

By fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU - 03/03/2014 22:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 385

You deserved it 9 636

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 498

You deserved it 8 045

By Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 247

You deserved it 3 779

Be careful what you wish for

By cottage cheese-cunt - 21/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’d been bi-curious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch-searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 544

By Anonymous - 09/11/2015 00:18 - Netherlands

Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 271

You deserved it 3 185

By Anonymous - 07/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 868

You deserved it 382

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 735

You deserved it 24 351

By sadsexer23 - 16/02/2010 03:10 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 862

You deserved it 6 753

DKjazz 20

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:11

I just love the wording of this FML.

sunnyt 5

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:11

Genital warts.. still the girl of your dreams?

Comments

CapnCapes 4

Sunday 15 July 2012 6:26

I think you need a different dream...

Missy2612 11

Sunday 15 July 2012 6:37

wow I had to do a double take there ! almost missed the "genital warts" part... glad you didnt, buddy.

brandoneyez1 25

Sunday 15 July 2012 6:54

One in the hand is worth none in the bush.. Lol

rcgirl2 11

Sunday 15 July 2012 6:55

The girl of your dreams, the girl you want to make sweet love to, has a disease and you still want to make love to her? Pshhh I'd find a different girl.

tiarrae 10

Sunday 15 July 2012 14:35

You should reread the FML again.

SephoraGypsy 15

Sunday 15 July 2012 15:37

I'd love to temporarily experience the thought process of certain people. "I'm going to read this hilarious anecdote, then utterly misconstrue the point completely! Ahhh job well done, vacant-area-where-my-brain-should-be."

doglover569 0

Sunday 15 July 2012 6:59

Excuse me while I throw up

inkblotdrummer 6

Sunday 15 July 2012 7:02

I had to Reread the part about genital warts because I didn't pick up the first time.

realeah 4

Sunday 15 July 2012 7:03

I was wondering where the FML was in this... Up until I saw an add-on to genital. Genitals generally shouldn't be followed by anything, or else it's bad- genital warts, genital bleeding, genital infections... Bad things follow genitals.