Intimacy: Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went...

By checkup - 15/07/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 358

You deserved it 5 091

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 058

You deserved it 4 141

So close…

By fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU - 03/03/2014 22:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 385

You deserved it 9 636

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 498

You deserved it 8 045

By Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 247

You deserved it 3 779

Be careful what you wish for

By cottage cheese-cunt - 21/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’d been bi-curious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch-searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 544

By Anonymous - 09/11/2015 00:18 - Netherlands

Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 271

You deserved it 3 185

By Anonymous - 07/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 868

You deserved it 382

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 735

You deserved it 24 351

By sadsexer23 - 16/02/2010 03:10 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 862

You deserved it 6 753

DKjazz 20

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:11

I just love the wording of this FML.

sunnyt 5

Sunday 15 July 2012 5:11

Genital warts.. still the girl of your dreams?

Comments

Irishgypsy 2

Sunday 15 July 2012 7:40

Virgin??? I think not!!! Keep dreaming

JakesLife101 0

Sunday 15 July 2012 7:43

Now it's a beautiful nightmare

alexa9510 1

Sunday 15 July 2012 7:55

That is disgusting... at least you noticed in time.

greatfirstdate 18

Sunday 15 July 2012 8:02

Are you sure it wasn't just razor bumps? I shave down there, and it brings up red, irritable bumps. How do you know it's not that?

Mademoiselle_fml 34

Sunday 15 July 2012 8:31

Could be, but better safe than sorry I suppose :s

JadeWalker 14

Monday 16 July 2012 6:41

I pretty sure u dont shave the inner area for hair doesnt grow there and thats where the bumps would be.

xBunnehAddictx 6

Sunday 15 July 2012 8:02

Genital warts? What the ****. O.O

mrsquiggles6900 5

Sunday 15 July 2012 8:54

Oh, is that what the FML said? Thanks for informing me:D

Senseless_487 29

Sunday 15 July 2012 8:08

Sucks that that happened, but here's a ****** up statistic for you. 3 out of every 4 people have some form of HPV. Sucks to think about it, but I would suggest getting the vaccine. A series of 3 shots, and it prevents and cures most forms of HPV. The more you know!

Leslier_fml 4

Sunday 15 July 2012 8:14

Genital warts...**** her life

satanisthesavior 21

Sunday 15 July 2012 8:24

And people wonder why I don't really care about sex. If you really stop to think about the statistics that go with it (the number of people who have various STDs, pregnancy, etc.), it's really not worth the marginal pleasure you get from it. I'll take masturbating over putting myself at risk for that shit any day. Only time I would go with sex was if it was with someone I knew was clean, and if I had a condom or they were on birth control. Also, as others pointed out, are you sure it wasn't just razor bumps? I wouldn't think they would look similar enough to get them confused but I could see how that would happen...