Intimacy: Let me Slytherin

Let me Slytherin

By Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 012

You deserved it 10 976

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Same thing different taste

By ginny - 10/09/2009 17:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 277

You deserved it 8 258

Turn off

By no no no - 21/03/2023 02:00

Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 321

By SwAGkiLlS - 15/07/2012 15:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 973

You deserved it 5 082

By fffmmll - 21/03/2011 16:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 001

You deserved it 56 259

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 346

You deserved it 2 779

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 811

You deserved it 4 453

Found it

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 20:01

Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 845

You deserved it 448

By dahs - 03/04/2011 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 630

You deserved it 15 247

By thetalkingvagina - 09/06/2010 11:34 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 938

You deserved it 18 545

By yikesss - 23/10/2018 03:00

Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 889

You deserved it 446

lil_miss_blair 0

Monday 13 December 2010 23:01

don't complain, your boyfriend rocks.

SynchronicityII 0

Monday 13 December 2010 23:03

After that, did he conjure up an ****** with his "magic wand"?

Comments

MarioandSonic 8

Sunday 6 February 2011 12:24

your boyfriends a legend !

Allu_fml 0

Monday 14 February 2011 2:06

That is so awesome! I think I know what I would do in that situation... ;)

Luv4Amuc 0

Tuesday 1 March 2011 20:45

wow, first time i've heard a girl complain about being eatin =P

Fx13mz 7

Wednesday 23 March 2011 14:15

Win.

chellabella856 0

Tuesday 26 April 2011 20:33

lol thats sexy

ILF 0

Sunday 19 June 2011 21:09

Oh my god, I totally just fell in love with that guy

coolpwnagedude 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 4:44

haha! I love Harry potter pick up lines like "can I put my basilisk in your chamber of secrets? pretty funny bf u got

Flamindemon 2

Tuesday 9 August 2011 11:06

That made me laugh.

frosh2 9

Thursday 11 August 2011 5:26

Thts too funny!!

Clubkicker_fml 0

Saturday 15 October 2011 15:17

Actually it IS funny

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 933

You deserved it 6 368

Today, I was taking a selfie. My grandma saw me, then after smirking to herself, she went and told my parents that I was "doing that sexting thing". They believed her and grounded me, even after I showed that all my photos and sent messages were totally innocent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 683

You deserved it 9 634

Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 712

You deserved it 4 699

Today, a friend told me he no longer wishes to be my friend, not because I did something, just because he no longer looks forward to seeing me, counts down every minute until a socially acceptable time to leave, and is always thinking up excuses to either be late or not come at all. Wow, just wow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 184

Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 882

You deserved it 4 843

Today, I woke up to my living room covered in 8 cm of water. My $2k computer was on that floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 805

You deserved it 833