Intimacy: Let me Slytherin

Let me Slytherin

By Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 012

You deserved it 10 976

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Same thing different taste

By ginny - 10/09/2009 17:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 277

You deserved it 8 258

Turn off

By no no no - 21/03/2023 02:00

Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 321

By SwAGkiLlS - 15/07/2012 15:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 973

You deserved it 5 082

By fffmmll - 21/03/2011 16:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 001

You deserved it 56 259

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 346

You deserved it 2 779

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 811

You deserved it 4 453

Found it

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 20:01

Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 845

You deserved it 448

By dahs - 03/04/2011 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 630

You deserved it 15 247

By thetalkingvagina - 09/06/2010 11:34 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 938

You deserved it 18 545

By yikesss - 23/10/2018 03:00

Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 889

You deserved it 446

lil_miss_blair 0

Monday 13 December 2010 23:01

don't complain, your boyfriend rocks.

SynchronicityII 0

Monday 13 December 2010 23:03

After that, did he conjure up an ****** with his "magic wand"?

Comments

bethnoire 10

Friday 4 November 2011 6:39

Assuming your boyfriend isn't 14 or something, that's actually adorable.

Humanspider 18

Friday 9 December 2011 9:40

YDI for being with an awesome Harry Potter fan. I am totally doing this now.

bagleface 6

Tuesday 3 January 2012 11:19

So your saying he slithered his basylisk into your chamber of secrets

FweakofCydonia 40

Friday 6 January 2012 0:52

Harry Potter pick up lines are amusing

funnynesh 10

Tuesday 17 January 2012 5:14

At least he tried?

Jannettecooks 1

Wednesday 1 February 2012 20:56

I love that! I want his number!!!

impress69 6

Tuesday 3 April 2012 4:44

lol at least hes creative

1098765432 0

Sunday 29 April 2012 21:08

That's when you dump him... you deserve it

kittycat1597 10

Thursday 3 May 2012 2:56

XD. Your boyfriends awesome, I think that was funny.

neonglostix 28

Saturday 7 July 2012 18:15

May I have him?

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that no, the dishwasher didn't make the glasses shrink, I'd bought smaller glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 825

You deserved it 6 210

Today, I was walking down the train station steps, in no rush, as my train wasn't due to depart for another 10 minutes. I managed to trip down the last 5 steps and break my ankle. Oh, and I got to watch my train drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 541

You deserved it 350

Today, it's Saturday and a planned date night for my partner and me. He's not showered since Tuesday and was surprised that I requested that he to do so ahead of getting intimate. And he wonders why our sex life isn't better… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 202

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out, and about to have sex, when she asked me to "do that thing we did yesterday". We haven't had sex in 6 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 433

You deserved it 4 587

Today, I figured out how my wife sees things. When I'm at work, I don't have to deal with responsibilities at home. Thus, work is a mini-vacation, and since I take a mini-vacation every day, I should have no problem cooking dinner and cleaning for hours after work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 165

Today, instead of being an adult, my husband was more hysterical than my daughter during a hissy fit. It makes me want to divorce him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 198