Kids

Just eat it

By salt bomb - 02/03/2023 07:00 - United States

Today, I spent all day carefully preparing a wonderful homemade beef and vegetable stew from scratch. Close to dinner time, I tasted it and it was inedibly salty. Confused, my horrifically bratty stepdaughter then laughed and admitted she poured salt in it because it wasn’t what she wanted for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290

You deserved it 142

Betrayed

By Whaaaaaaa - 02/03/2023 12:00

Today, my mom had a fit and confessed that my grandfather is also my father. Apparently, I was the product of a rape and she further confessed that she was going to abort me but chose not to, and she regrets her decision. What caused this conversation? Me watching the season 4 of "You" without telling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 174

The boy is mine

By Not the daddy-o - 01/03/2023 02:00

Today, I found out that I’m not the father of my “son” but I'm his uncle. The only thing my wife did was to shrug and say, “Shit happens.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 162

Wrap it

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I’m 16 years-old, father to a 4 month-old baby, and I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 1 674

Competitive

By Crazy mom - 28/02/2023 02:30 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I've been relentlessly refreshing my email. I'm anxious and expecting the results of a competition. It's my preschooler's playdough competition results. What has my life become? FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 802

It's always in the most obvious place

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 14:00

Today, my toddler thought it would be funny to hide my car keys. After searching for hours, I found them in his toy box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 190

Fur babies

By going no contact in 3…2..1 - 27/02/2023 06:00

Today, my insane mother refused to pick me up from school. Her reason was my “little brother” didn’t feel like going in the car. I got upset and snapped that her dog is not my brother when she tried to ground me. She won’t cook, clean, or take care of her family, all for that damn dog. I can’t wait to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 113

Jam it in my ears

By missmom83 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Torrington

Today, my toddler found my daughter's recorder from third grade and figured out how to play the highest-pitched note. Of course, my daughter pulls out her trombone to have a jam session. And I'm out of Ibuprofen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 608

You deserved it 5 673

Cute but messy

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 00:00

Today, my kids made a mess in the kitchen while trying to make breakfast in bed for me. The mess was bigger than the breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 215

Queasy

By Anonymous - 24/02/2023 18:00

Today, I tried being the 'cool parent' by taking my kids to a fancy, expensive amusement park, but ended up getting stuck on every ride and getting motion sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 344

Take this seriously!

By Anonymous - 24/02/2023 06:00

Today, I got the hiccups while my dad was yelling at me. He then said, “You’d better stop hiccuping or I’m gonna kick your ass!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 137

Big book of baby names

By isthisajoke - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was told that my mom and her new husband have named my newborn brother "Titan". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 651

You deserved it 2 561

No uggos please

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Scottsbluff

Today, my girlfriend and I tried out a website where you upload pictures of two people, and it shows you what their future children might look like. She actually started crying because the kid we were shown wasn't cute enough for her liking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 889

You deserved it 4 561

I like what you've done with the place

By Tyrez - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Boulder

Today, my stepbrother's attempt at making a snack resulted in the microwave catching on fire and the everlasting smell of burnt pizza rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 333

You deserved it 1 877

The great pretender

By abbielane - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Rochester

Today, my daughter tried to sneak out of the house. When I caught her, she freaked out and punched me in the face. She then "snapped out of it" and claimed she was sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 577

You deserved it 3 913

Unfair

By Anonymous - 20/02/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I got into trouble for moving my chair around in class, which went on my permanent record, while other people were literally throwing things across the room and being loud but they didn't get in trouble. Tomorrow's my birthday and now my parents won't let me go out, even after I told them what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 161

Highway code

By lucy the witch - 20/02/2023 14:00

Today, my son got pulled over for speeding. His excuse? The speed limit signs “aren’t posted often enough,” so he “forgot” what the limit was. I raised this dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 229

Maintenance

By Anonymous - 19/02/2023 14:00

Today, a maintenance crew came to shovel outside our apartment at 1:00 a.m. They were a hired third party so our usual maintenance guy can't stop them, they didn't speak English for me to communicate, and the cops don't consider shoveling a noise complaint. They woke my kids, and I have to be up again in a few hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 282

Harsh

By jet - 19/02/2023 00:00

Today, I overheard my mom talking about how she would love me if only I didn’t have ADHD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 117

No introductions needed

By Anonymous - 18/02/2023 09:00 - United Kingdom - Bangor

Today, my younger half-sister discovered my existence. She then went to our grandparents' house, smashed my picture off their wall, and ransacked their house looking for other pictures of me to destroy. She's in her mid-twenties, behaving like a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 107

Own it

By Anonymous - 17/02/2023 06:00

Today, I was entertaining my niece at the family lunch by painting my lip with calamari ink. My father told me I looked like Ursula, from The Little Mermaid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 374

A heartwarming family story

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 22:00

Today, I realized that over 20 years ago I married a man who could never mature, after we had a marital argument and he couldn't just have an one side, but rather decided to involve our 11 year-old old son, allowing him to repeat his words toward me, like "bitch", "whore", and "cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 197

Fatherhood

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 18:00

Today, and in the month since our son was born, my husband has lost interest in fatherhood entirely. This morning, our son had naptime in the kitchen, while he was also in the kitchen on a 2-hour work call, and according to him that was father-son bonding time just because they were in the same room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 215

Great plan, kiddo

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 16:00

Today, my daughter confessed to me she is pregnant from a guy she had a three-minute hook up with in an alley with, but I shouldn’t worry because she’ll make plenty of money from her OnlyFans, since lots of guys like pregnancy porn, Plus it gives her a real good reason to quit smoking. I'm gobsmacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 404

Smoke signals?

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 02:00

Today, my dad grounded me. Again. First it was my phone, now my watch. How the hell am I supposed to communicate now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 1 188

Classic mistake

By Katy - 14/02/2023 18:00

Today, after I finished giving my baby a bottle then burping her, I lifted her up and was bringing her in for kisses. As I was doing this, I felt this warm liquid hit my lips and slide into my mouth. I instantly pulled her back and she'd vomited. It took everything out of me not to vomit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 380

Neglect

By letthemcomelivewithmeyouselfishtwat! - 14/02/2023 01:00 - United States

Today, I confronted my sister for teaching her kids “extreme independence”. It’s really just code for doing the absolute bare minimum required by law to keep them out of foster care so she can spend every waking moment with her new boyfriend. If I cut her out, I’ll never see my nephews again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 93

Freaked out

By notmycircus - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Cincinnati

Today, the school counselor asked me to leave the grief counseling group I've being go to after the death of my sister. Apparently, I scare the others. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 346

You deserved it 2 736

Shitshow

By Cassy - 14/02/2023 13:00 - Australia - Rockingham

Today, my 4 year-old son got a hole in his head from doing a twirl jump off bricks out the back. After being in hospital for 8 hours, my car battery was flat from me leaving the lights on. My husband went to get a new battery and lost his wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 141

Mom of the year

By Ugly step father - 13/02/2023 15:00 - South Africa

Today, as it goes for the last 7 years, my step-daughter got her child grant and disappeared into her meth habit. Again. As per every month after being "clean" for a week. The child that "is over" drugs. The same child that calls us useless and losers. Guess who gets her child ready for school and takes her there? FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 163

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my sculpture, which is very important for my art grade, fell from my desk and broke to pieces. My art teacher suggested I soak the parts in water to make it easier to stick them back together. They dissolved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 538

You deserved it 3 594

Today, I found out my two favorite heterosexual female coworkers are cheating on their partners with one another. I kinda wish someone had invited me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 1 206

Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 037

You deserved it 3 367

Today, and for the last 6 months, a coworker of mine is sleeping on the job and we're the first faces the public sees. Multiple coworkers and I have submitted complaints, videos, and interviews regarding this, and still nothing is happening. My supervisor came and saw what was happening and yet still nothing. A lot of extra work is on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 149

Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 411

You deserved it 3 207

Today, my girlfriend hasn't spoken to me in a week, so I gave her a call. No reply. I texted her, and got a text back saying: "Sorry, dude. Better luck next time!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 254

You deserved it 2 560