Kids

Can't catch a break

By Anonymous - 22/04/2023 18:30 - India - Bengaluru

Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 395

Repressed

By Anonymous - 21/04/2023 22:00

Today, my mother-in-law keeps making fun of how I've "never seen any cool movies." I grew up in severe social isolation/constant physical abuse, and have memory loss from age 13 and below as a result. I've seen them, I just can't remember them, but she refuses to believe it, so I'll never hear the end of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 105

"My Wife" in a Borat voice

By Anonymous - 21/04/2023 00:00

Today, for my birthday, my wife gave me a "day to myself", except less than 20 minutes after I woke up it was, "could I quickly drive her to an appointment?", and "can we do a quick grocery shop?", and, "the kids need this and that." At bedtime, she asked me how I’d enjoyed my day to myself, seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 183

Al Pacino

By scar face - 20/04/2023 06:00

Today, and for the last year, I have a disfiguring scar on my nose that I’m very self conscious about. My 4 year-old niece recently noticed it. Now every time she sees me she leans in real close and says, “What’s wrong with your face?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 83

Daddy issues

By Anonymous - 20/04/2023 00:00

Today, all other moms I know have cute stories about their husbands panicking during the birth. Not me, mine flew to Vegas the week I was due and solicited an undercover female officer. He’s not held the baby yet, he’s still in jail for resisting arrest and contempt of court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 205

Overreacting much?

By But you drink alcohol though - 19/04/2023 03:00

Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 724

Germs galore

By Anonymous - 18/04/2023 10:00

Today, after spending weeks dealing with my 4 year-old's chronic and acute otitis, it's my 20 month-old daughter who has now got it. Its like that every damn year. Oh, and I just got bilateral otitis myself now and need antibiotics. I almost regret having children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 237

Freedom

By heartbroken - 17/04/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, I’m devastated that I had to completely sever all ties with my mother. She’s a hyper religious zealot who’s gone as far as to threaten to kidnap my children in order to get them baptized after I refused to raise them in her archaic, abusive, oppressive cult-like “church”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 180

You deserved it 168

Get out ASAP

By Anonymous - 17/04/2023 13:30 - India - Bengaluru

Today, my husband is out of town for a week. My toddler asked me, "Mommy, why are you being nice to me now?" I was the same as always though. That's when it hit me: I've been in a severely toxic relationship and I've been taking it out on my toddler to long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 1 170

Haute cuisine

By mynameissecretlyjeff - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my brother put a mac-n-cheese cup in the microwave without any water. My entire house smells like burned cardboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 736

You deserved it 448

Low blow

By Well thenn - 15/04/2023 05:00 - United States - Bridgeton

Today, I told my sister that it wasn't classy to eat an entire box of cookies by herself. She responding by telling me it's not classy to not know who my son's father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 2 309

The truth

By theynamedmeluke - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Austin

Today, I found out I was adopted when my drunk dad made a terrible Star Wars joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 901

You deserved it 2 958

The gall

By DisgustedAF - 14/04/2023 00:00 - United States - Miami

Today, a few days within moving back in with my mother, I received sympathy flowers for my deceased son. They were from my ex-neighbor, the bitch who was supposed to be watching him but instead decided to have sex with my soon to be ex-husband in the house while my son drowned in the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 132

You deserved it 150

Relationship goals

By Anonymous - 12/04/2023 00:00

Today, after my man told me to get the dishes done and clean up the kitchen, he got mad at me because I didn’t answer my phone when our son needed medicine that was downstairs. I didn’t hear it ring because I was throwing out the trash, cleaning out the fridge, and washing the dishes, like I was told to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 304

Some people are irredeemable

By given.sins619 - 11/04/2023 22:00

Today, I got the news that the family who adopted me decided to send me back because I didn't share their MAGA ideals. This is the second family to send me back after the first one decided they couldn't financially take care of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 236

Back to square one

By Who-is-living-with-whom - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, my mother finally finalized her divorce! Unfortunately, she'll have to sell the house, and when she does, she'll move in with me. I only moved out a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 411

You deserved it 1 019

What were you thinking?

By Anonymous - 09/04/2023 15:00

Today, my boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me, saying things are moving "too fast". All I did was tell my 3 year-old that my boyfriend's parents are his new grandma and grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 3 543

Sounds lovely

By Anonymous - 08/04/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, at our kid's extracurricular, my ex, with whom I have been fighting for our child for ten years, casually admitted that his preferred murder weapon is an axe. This is surprisingly in character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 164

Exhausted parents can relate

By ajnmegs - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Aurora

Today, while watching TV with my wife, I realized that we were still watching "My Little Pony" even though the kids had been asleep for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 674

You deserved it 6 066

The Patriarch

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Mentor

Today, my daughter got her first period. Nobody was home but my husband. He didn't know what to do, except give her a sponge to put in her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 554

You deserved it 4 356

Stirring the pot

By yes - 07/04/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, my mom, for absolutely no reason, is interacting with an old "friend" (read: toxic bitch) whom I cut out of my life six months ago and I never want to hear about again. She doesn't understand what's wrong, nor does she care that it makes me uncomfortable. I hate her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 140

Deadbeat

By Puffy - 06/04/2023 04:00

Today, I’m packing up to leave my home and move back to my mother's with my newborn a week postpartum, all because when I was at the hospital, I overheard my husband say to his buddy on the phone that this “father stuff” is way more than he bargained for and that he’s tired of pretending to find me attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 174

Clothes Shire horse

By not fat shaming! - 05/04/2023 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight after I asked him repeatedly to tell his daughter to stop wearing my clothes. She stretches them out and has busted seams. The last straw was when she broke the heels on my very expensive shoes. I'm not being mean, she’s a size 14 and I’m a 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 152

Bad moon rising

By Anonymous - 05/04/2023 02:00

Today, my husband walked in on our daughter naked in the bathroom, which was awkward enough for both of them, but it also meant he discovered her nipple piercings and thigh tattoo. She’s only 15 years-old. The shouting hasn’t started yet, but it's coming soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 533

Entitled

By Anonymous - 04/04/2023 22:00

Today, my redneck mother, who I parted ways from years ago, found out I became wealthy in my 30s so she turned up at my house, thinking she could just move in. Then she tried to demand the money I owed for giving birth to me, and camped on my lawn until I called the cops, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 420

You deserved it 105

Vigilante

By Anonymous - 03/04/2023 22:00

Today, I got called to my son's school again because he punched a girl. Every time he gets in a fight, he justifies it by saying he only hits bullies he catches hurting other kids. His teachers even agree he only hits the bullies like that girl, but it’s becoming a huge problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 155

Living conditions

By To you? Hard fucking pass - 03/04/2023 08:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, like every other day, my mother, who I live with due to circumstances outside my control, harasses me every twenty minutes and generally treats me like her personal slave. When I dared complain, she had the audacity to tell me I’m lucky to “live a life of service.” Yeah, fuck you too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 191

Brain bleach

By Anonymous - 02/04/2023 00:00

Today, it's been three weeks since our 12 year-old son walked in on us having sex. Ever since then he’s treating his mom like she was the victim of some horrible crime and treats me like I should be in prison. He refuses to stop, even though we’ve both spoken to him about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 321

Bailed out

By Anonymous - 01/04/2023 18:00

Today, I’ve been texting a guy from my old college and we finally arranged a date. I told him it would have to fit my daughter's schedule and his interest in me vanished. Apparently I never mentioned having a kid and have wasted his time. I literally have text messages to him all about her. Prick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 300

Improvise, adapt, overcome

By SomePeoplesKids - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Okotoks

Today, I walked in on my daughter attempting to iron her pants with a hair straightener. She's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 554

You deserved it 6 473

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I tried to sneak home from work 15 minutes early. I kept Teams open on my phone to remain “active”, but in doing so, accidentally group-video-called my whole team while walking out at 4:45pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 679

Today, I came home from a long day from work, only to find a strange woman in my apartment. She explained that my roommate told her it was OK to spend a few days here. I guess he forgot that the room was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 757

You deserved it 3 373

Today, my boyfriend and I slept together. In the middle of the night, he saw my phone receiving a text from someone saying, "Hey baby, I missed you so much! I'm going to be visiting in a couple of days, hope to see you again, I love you!" He got mad and left my house. It was my dad in Ohio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 122

You deserved it 4 917

Today, after mourning and making my girlfriend cancel her big birthday party, I found out my grandma didn't actually die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 968

You deserved it 28 612

Today, my cat was diagnosed with FIV, to which my in-laws said, "That's impossible!" Apparently, what is possible though is that aliens are stealing their pool water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 036

You deserved it 865

Today, my sister got married. For the second time. She's 30. Two men have loved her enough to cry over their vows to her. Every single person there asked me why I wasn't married yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 733

You deserved it 3 217