Food

Food poisoning is back on the menu!

By James - 06/05/2023 06:00 - Australia

Today, whilst on a road trip with friends, we stopped at a roadside diner for lunch. I ordered a chicken sandwich and when it arrived, I took a huge bite out of it, only to realize that it was still completely raw in the middle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 102

Should be safe… right?

By Anonymous - 30/04/2025 15:00 - Ireland - Cork

Today, a friend invited me over for dinner. She presented me with a "gourmet" homemade meal. As I started eating, I realized it tasted… off. She looked at me expectantly, so I politely ate it all. Afterwards, she told me it was a new recipe she was trying "tuna casserole" made with canned tuna… which we found out later expired in 2015. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 102

Priorities

By Nutellalover - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Germany - Hennef

Today, I realized that I spend the same amount of money on my phone bill as I do on Nutella. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 797

You deserved it 29 472

Wealth gap

By Anonymous - 06/01/2023 08:00 - Canada - Regina

Today, a coworker threw my lunch in the trash. They'd just got back from holidays, and I use the same containers they do. My leftovers "looked like something they'd eat", so they thought it was something they'd forgotten before going on holidays. It was leftovers that I'd been spacing out, trying to make last till payday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 1 317

Hmmm, steak

By Anonymous - 11/01/2021 11:01

Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 1 004

Yummy

By kjmsit - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 326

You deserved it 23 912

Extra protein

By Anonymous - 16/08/2024 05:00 - United States - Roseburg

Today, I cooked pork chops on my wok that had been hanging on the pot hangers without rinsing it off. Just when I was about to eat, I saw a fried up spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 545

Clever boy

By Anonymous - 28/01/2023 02:30

Today, I found out my dog can open the fridge. Now I have no food left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 152

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 14/01/2022 23:01

Today, just like every morning, I had to make myself throw up all the acid in my stomach just to make room for a little bit of food. No doctor can fix my problem, and my family still thinks I’m doing it to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 152

Are you OK, hun?

By Lillian - 25/12/2020 01:58 - United States

Today, I walked into a store to buy a type of bread I like. The stuff was sold out, so I asked an employee when they'll be restocking it. The employee yelled at me, because, "They do have that bread," walks to the isle, and then when she saw that they really were out of the bread, she walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 139

Hangry time

By ohforcheese - 19/01/2012 20:19 - United States

Today, I learned that when microwaveable pizzas say, "Caution, hot after cooking" what they really mean is that you should be prepared for the cardboard tray to fall apart when you try to pick it up and that boiling hot cheese is going to run down your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 650

You deserved it 8 565

Bodyscan

By Anonymous - 25/05/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom - Normanton

Today, my mother-in-law had concealed in her suitcase a kitchen knife and plastic bags of MSG, salt, and other seasonings (AKA unidentified white powder) because she doesn’t trust foreign food, and wanted to cook her own food on holiday. Airport security were not amused and we missed our flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 112

Clay

By Anonymous - 10/05/2022 12:00

Today, even though I have the flu and can barely stand, I wanted to treat myself to something nice, so I baked cookies. Now guess when was the exact moment my taste buds suddenly stopped working? Yep, right when the cookies were done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 198

That's no excuse

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 08:00

Today, a customer yelled at me because I wouldn’t sell her a boneless chicken bucket with extra fries, beans, coleslaw and Pepsi. I work at Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 82

Mild nightmare

By Sara Princess - 01/05/2023 03:00

Today, what should have been a perfect spring picnic, turned into a living nightmare. A salad from Subway was filled with hair. It was in a to go bag and I didn’t feel like going all the way back to the Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 189

Is that even legal?

By Anonymous - 17/11/2023 00:00

Today, I went to the cafeteria at work like I usually do, but couldn't find anything I liked. Turns out there's a new policy in place: the cafeteria is now serving only vegan foodstuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 142

Sore loser

By Anonymous - 13/03/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I have an excruciatingly sore throat due to chronic canker sores around my uvula. Every bite of food I swallow brings tears to my eyes. I had enough of dad calling me a wimp at dinner over it and shoved my food onto his plate. He's now faking allergies to food we've had for years, just to take the piss out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 117

Sandwiches rule

By Sebastian Bonaparte - 11/02/2021 00:30

Today, it's the fourth day since I got home from hospital in a wheelchair after a car wreck. It was also the first day that someone in my house offered to do something for me. My father-in-law visited and offered to make me a sandwich. My response? I cried. My wife and kids laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 117

Bon appétit

By nauseated - 05/06/2021 13:01 - United States

Today, I got asked to a BBQ by new friend. I walked in, and to my horror she's a hoarder. The house was packed wall to wall and everything was covered in thick layers of dust and dog hair. Her dogs were filthy and untrained. They snatched food off the counters while she laughed and kept cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 96

Slippery slope

By Anonymous - 09/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I got popcorn when getting groceries. I was excited to see popcorn butter spray on sale and decided to try it. Excited, I made some popcorn while I went to use the can. Butter sprayed like an aerosol can all over my desk and floor. Now, my apartment smells like a movie theater and there's butter EVERYWHERE! FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 418

Karen strikes again

By Anonymous - 17/02/2021 08:01

Today, at work as a manager at pizza place, I got yelled by a customer because they got one fewer paper plates than they asked for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 123

Get this shit away from me

By Tipped off - 18/06/2025 22:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I ordered sushi for dinner. When it arrived, I realized the delivery driver had given me the wrong order, a family-sized vegan lasagna. I don’t even like regular lasagna, let alone vegan lasagna. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 96

Headshot

By Username - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I decided to have a midnight snack. I figured I knew my own house well enough to leave the lights off so my mom wouldn't wake up. Chuckling at the brilliance of my plan, I walked straight into a doorframe and bust up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 208

You deserved it 31 377

Messy situation

By Steven Haga - 23/04/2021 04:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I ordered some food and included a slice of cheesecake. However, I think they glued the Tupperware lid together and I didn't actually want to launch the cheesecake into the air when I finally got it open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 135

By agnosticstudy - 28/01/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, all three of my meals consisted of two Hot Pockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 951

You deserved it 27 752

Tasty

By anon - 30/08/2015 18:44 - United States

Today, while babysitting, I made the kids and myself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When their parents came home, their dad took out the same container of peanut butter I had used and let their dog lick out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 484

You deserved it 2 018

Carny

By Yikes - 28/09/2025 20:00

Today, my 4 year-old son learned that burgers and chicken tenders are made from cows and chickens. I braced myself for the tantrum, only to hear, "They're yummy. Can we turn the cat into a burger? What do squirrels and dogs turn into?" Now I'm scared of my kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 127

Hey stinky!

By kristinjanie10 - 04/06/2021 04:00

Today, my doctor informed me that my severe body odor has no cure, no treatments, and is caused by… eating food. Not any specific food, just food. So either I can stop eating entirely, or I can smell like rotting fish in an outhouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 117

Attention to details

By Anonymous - 07/04/2023 10:00 - Spain

Today, I spent hours cooking dinner for my date. When they arrived, they told me that I'd probably not paid much attention to their dating profile, as it clearly mentioned that they were vegan, and thus couldn't eat any of the food I'd prepared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 1 389

Midlife crisis

By Husband for sale - 02/06/2022 02:00

Today, I had to inform my midlife-crisis husband that the "weed" he had "scored" from his "dealer down the pub" was actually just a lot of mixed herbs. He refused to believe me and smoked it anyway, I mean, I'm only a chef in a restaurant, what do I know about herbs? He's still coughing by the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 131

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The Top

Today, I was talking to my boss about her children. She told me she didn’t want them to develop any problems by letting them sleep with the light on. I didn’t tell her last night I slept with the light on because I’m scared of ghosts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 347

You deserved it 44 876

Today, I went to my step-sister's for family dinner. Her husband was really drunk and openly hit on me in front of most of my family. I nonchalantly ignored his advances. Later, my step-mom said it would not have happened if I didn't dress like a skank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 377

You deserved it 5 975

Today, I was in school when a guy grabbed my breast, so I swore at him and shoved him away. I got detention and he walked away unpunished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 884

You deserved it 244

Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 484

You deserved it 18 110

Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 474

You deserved it 5 214

Today, MS Word kept crashing with a memory error, so I called tech support. Instead of actually fixing the problem, their tech wasted over an hour of my time defragmenting the hard drive, disabling the anti-virus, and downloading new video card drivers from some shady site, before giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 213

You deserved it 3 351