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OP here. Some of you noticed it said "woman." Yes, I'm a woman. That's why her complaint made no sense. Glad to report, though, that after a couple days HR got back to me and said I was off the hook, and told her that if she makes any more accusations like that, she'll be fired. She can't even look me in the eye now.

Didn't see you there

By eatmyshipoopie - 18/12/2009 15:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 710

You deserved it 10 191

Stranded

By TheLemon - 17/02/2017 02:00 - Turkey - Aydin

Today, I finally had a chance to get outside after receiving shrapnel to my leg. My crutches had not yet arrived so I didn't want to risk it, but my buddies said they had my back. We went to the seaside and I sat down as they say they'd be right back. It started to rain and everyone forgot me. I can stand, but not walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 097

You deserved it 585

Pervs, pervs everywhere

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 10:33 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 353

You deserved it 5 550

By deucelututi - 31/05/2009 12:03 - United States

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 202

You deserved it 81 226

You have been warned

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 13:18 - Sweden

Today, my cute co-worker asked if he could use my computer. I told him my password and went to the bathroom. When I came back he said he'd finished. I tried to log in, but my password wouldn't work. I then noticed a Post-it note on the desk saying, "Stop stalking me and I'll change the password back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 988

You deserved it 41 214

By anonymous - 23/11/2010 09:32

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend of a year because I discovered she had been cheating on me. Her defense was, "It wouldn't be a problem if you were just OK with this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 986

You deserved it 3 125

By Anonymous - 06/08/2012 05:03 - United States - Mountain View

Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 841

You deserved it 2 580

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 20:38 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 075

You deserved it 16 982

Who the **** are you?

By fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck - 13/07/2013 17:33 - United States - Enfield

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 449

You deserved it 4 173

By MrRadin - 04/12/2015 05:31 - France

Today, my roommate thought of a new idea for our household. According to him, we should take dumps at work as often as we can, that way, "we'll save on toilet paper at home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 48

By SadMother - 04/10/2014 19:52 - United States - South Windsor

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 939

You deserved it 11 982

By Katthebamf - 28/09/2014 14:25 - United Kingdom - Cannock

Today, my dad forgot I was on the back of his motorbike. He did a wheelie and I fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 530

You deserved it 3 826

Katthebamf tells us more.

Katthebamf 29

Sunday 28 September 2014 19:59

I'm fine we were going around 25mph down a quiet road. I always wear my protective gear so no scrapes just a sore back. Yeah he did forget as I'm quite agile and move well with the bike. When he noticed he stopped and helped me back onto the back to get me home. He's been very apologetic ever since but I take it in good jest as we have a really good relationship. :) thank you for your concern though