The Top

Hey guys OP here! I asked the little girl if that was her parents and she nodded but 911 told me they were still sending an officer to be 100% sure that everything was accurate. The parents completely understood and were totally fine because they were glad I cared and took action. :)

Bridezilla

By NotBridezilla - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, after waiting 3 months until my friend's wedding was done being celebrated, I announced my engagement. My newlywed friend bitched me out for "stealing" all of the attention and being selfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 455

You deserved it 898

Nice to know

By LyricalTragedy - 16/12/2016 00:08

Today, I saw my father for the first time in two years. He felt compelled to tell me about how he got involved with a BDSM group and got an STD because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 126

You deserved it 746

By LovelessNewlywed - 14/12/2016 22:41

Today, for the first time since my partner moved in with me, I did one of my favourite things: I bought some nice cheese and a bottle of wine and went on to People of Walmart, just as I do every month or so. He called me a disgusting human being and went for a walk two hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 167

You deserved it 2 095

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 12:29 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I finally found out why my new co-worker has been shooting me dirty looks, being rude to me, and generally trying to avoid me. It's because I have blonde hair and blue eyes, and she thinks people like me are Nazis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 002

You deserved it 1 743

Bathroom blues

By Dear God Why - 05/12/2016 13:07

Today, I finally determined the source of the horrible smell that periodically invades my apartment: there's nothing wrong with the plumbing as I previously thought, I can just smell my neighbors pooping in their bathroom on the other side of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 427

You deserved it 724

By lovedoesnotexist - 24/09/2015 11:52 - Belgium

Today, my long-term girlfriend broke up with me because my hair "falls out" and I "will definitely be bald soon", even though it's not that bad. The same girl who I supported through her chemotherapy and gave her promises that I would stay with her no matter how she looked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 568

You deserved it 1 985

By badatlove - 03/11/2016 20:42 - United States

Today, I climbed to the top of the tallest building in my city with this guy I really like. He spotted the girl he had a crush on, and wouldn't shut up about her for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 987

You deserved it 1 011

By NotYourFriend - 24/10/2016 19:53

Today, I had to kick my husband's friend out of our house after a week. He left lights on, played video games all day, ate all of our food and laughed when his son hit my dog. He was only invited over for one dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 171

You deserved it 865

Twit to who

By Hooty - 02/09/2015 21:52 - United States - Groveton

Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 510

You deserved it 2 350

By dez - 16/10/2016 05:05 - United States - Louisville

Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't have an email, I have a Gmail." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 588

You deserved it 1 102

Baller move

By notafan - 07/08/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. This kid in front of me had binoculars and was constantly shouting. Trying to amuse the girl next to me, I leaned over and said, "That kid probably has wet dreams about baseball." She got up and said to the kid, "Come on honey, we're leaving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 3 582

By DepressedSigh - 27/08/2017 21:45 - Germany

Today, my considerate-to-a-fault boyfriend decided to break up with me because he felt that he made me unhappy. I spent the next 3 hours convincing him that I'm happy with him and just going through a rough patch of depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 790

You deserved it 403

By Chaosfigure - 03/09/2017 13:00

Today, after my driving instructor told me I should pass without any worries at all, I completely failed. I was hit by another car. While parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 944

You deserved it 259

By Ihatemyfamily - 05/09/2016 21:46 - United States - Euless

Today, my brother's high school was having a soccer game against mine, and as a sign of good luck, I told him to "break a leg". He broke mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 418

You deserved it 1 341

The Passion of the Christ

By Canada20 - 29/09/2017 06:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, while helping at my grandma's church, the new Orthodox Priest encouraged me to come to confession because he was sure I would have "a lot of stories to tell" and finished by seductively winking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 657

You deserved it 349

Criminal Minds

By Anonymous - 18/09/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 676

You deserved it 134

By Fire_Princess16 - 17/10/2017 04:20

Today, my boyfriend managed to convince me that Australia was called a penal colony because all the prisoners were men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 3 179

Delightful

By Tori - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I got news that I had "delighted a customer" so I looked at the review online. It says, "The fat girl up front was nice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 834

You deserved it 549

Funny to him

By Binkplugged - 05/07/2016 18:01

Today, I woke up to my husband chuckling. When I asked him what was so funny. He told me that during the night I attempted to shove one of the kids' pacifiers in his mouth. I don't remember this, at all. He thinks it's hysterical. I'm not sure what to think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 973

You deserved it 1 880

By TooNoisy4Me - 04/07/2016 09:46 - United States - Bellerose

Today, like every year, my next-door neighbors started setting off their fireworks at exactly midnight. Also, like every year, the sensitive car alarm belonging to another neighbor has gone off with every firework. It's been almost six hours of nonstop alarms and explosions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 759

You deserved it 1 155

By mydadsgonnakillme - 08/02/2013 07:13 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 593

You deserved it 12 448

Long distance

By Xerfox - 20/06/2016 20:34 - Germany - Neckarsulm

Today, I flew to Germany to meet up with a girl that I met in America five months ago and fell in love with. We've been talking every day for five months straight. I get here just for her to tell me that she likes me "like a brother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 407

You deserved it 1 922

By Instacreep - 20/03/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that when someone posts a "story" on Instagram, they can see who has viewed it and how many times. I have been viewing an ex's story every day for the past week. We do not follow each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 145

You deserved it 4 467

By 3rdWheel1stBorn - 23/03/2018 19:00

Today, I saw that my biological father took his two favorite daughters on a luxury cruise to celebrate his birthday. I didn't find out until the pictures were posted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 699

You deserved it 273

By Joshua - 03/06/2016 17:53 - United States - Weatherford

Today, the woman I have been seeing said she couldn't see a future with me. This was all because I didn't text her back when I fell asleep after working a double night/morning shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 527

You deserved it 1 238

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I got a job selling knives. I had training for 11 hours. At the end of the training session, the instructor promptly informed everyone that they had to pay $145 for a set of demo knives. I paid the $145. I went home and learned that it was a scam. I went back for a refund. They said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 433

You deserved it 55 596

Today, I realised that I have fallen for the most amazing girl. She's good looking, has a great personality, she's funny and is a hit with all my friends but she doesn't seem to realise she has a body odor problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 889

You deserved it 6 204

Today, I walked in on one of my housemates pissing in the kitchen sink full of dirty dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 758

You deserved it 3 940

Today, I realised I hate my cat. She has 'stress incontinence', which involved her peeing all over my house. Last week I found out she'd been peeing on my stove, and I can't clean off the smell. Now whenever I try to cook some food, the kitchen is flooded with the scent of burning cat pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 485

You deserved it 5 690

Today, I've lost so much weight from depression that I don't fit into women's clothing anymore. There's nothing like trying to find dress pants in the kids section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 135

Today, we had our second snow day in a row, something that never happens. So while the rest of school got to sleep late, I had to wake up early, get dressed, and go to my bus stop because my mom didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 733

You deserved it 3 151