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By stupidbug. - 09/04/2012 08:28 - Canada

Today, I thought it would be funny to pee on a small bug in the toilet. A much larger bug thought it would be funny to fly into my eye while I was doing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 982

You deserved it 37 043

By Anonymous - 22/02/2012 16:47 - United States

Today, I found out why you shouldn't drop instant mashed potatoes in a fish tank, especially when you have expensive fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 213

You deserved it 45 126

The GOAT

By stunned - 15/03/2010 15:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me when he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. We gave our stuff back, he was joking and happy the whole time until I told him I was taking back my cat. At that point he burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 930

You deserved it 3 967

By Ramis182 - 03/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 788

You deserved it 6 033

By Anonymous - 21/05/2009 16:41 - Canada

Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 756

You deserved it 59 974

By fledermausi - 12/06/2012 13:02 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 878

You deserved it 3 120

By missy - 09/03/2009 22:54 - United States

Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 475

You deserved it 8 683

By mizzleshizzle - 09/03/2010 18:42 - Canada

Today, I dropped my physics class because I thought I bombed the 50% second midterm test. I got my results an hour after dropping online. I finished with an 83. I can't get back into the course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 298

You deserved it 64 819

Inappropriate

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, while walking through the halls of my high school, my boyfriend and I shared a quick kiss. A young teacher walked by and told us to stop due to Personal Display of Affection rules at our school. She then looked at my boyfriend and told him he could do so much better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 464

You deserved it 6 604

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 00:17 - United States

Today, I realized my mom cares more about Kurt's bullying problem on Glee than she does for mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 060

You deserved it 4 143

By i fking love docb - 04/11/2012 21:16 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Christiansted

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 812

You deserved it 3 354

What just happened?

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 00:45 - Germany

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were lying in her bed. We fooled around and were about to have sex as she suddenly began to cry without any reason. She cried for 30 minutes until I finally managed to calm her down. She said there was no reason for her crying. Then she fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 201

You deserved it 5 113

By Anonymous - 22/09/2012 06:24 - United States

Today, my boss told me his cancer test results came back positive. I congratulated him and asked how he planned to celebrate. It turns out a positive cancer test result is a bad thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 766

You deserved it 62 644

By dwek - 15/05/2009 11:07 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, while checking through the graphic novel section of my library, I noticed a gay manga porn comic. While I was wondering who in the world would ever RENT such an item, I realised I had been staring at it for a full five minutes and people were watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 906

You deserved it 61 504

Dude! Boundaries!

By devinbyrne - 05/03/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me. Instead of waiting for a urinal to free up, he wedged his way in between me and another guy, and promptly began peeing in my urinal, crossing streams in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 790

You deserved it 3 767

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 21:16 - United States

Today, I had to break up a fistfight between my wife and mother. Apparently, my mom heard that I finally got the great paying job of my dreams, and told my wife I'd finally kick her "useless ass to the curb." We have to spend the holidays together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 675

You deserved it 3 588

Selfish

By Anon - 10/10/2011 15:24 - Canada

Today, my mom yelled at me because I refused to lend her money. The reason I won't lend her money? The last time I did, she and my dad went out and bought a Macbook and a new car instead of paying bills. Apparently, I'm being 'selfish' by keeping my own money and putting it towards university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 059

You deserved it 2 642

Dad jokes!

By Chels - 11/05/2011 05:17 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 588

You deserved it 5 337

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:33 - United States - North Little Rock

Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 652

You deserved it 2 074

By Anonymous - 03/08/2015 15:29 - United States

Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 919

You deserved it 15 419

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 23:01 - United States - Parkersburg

Spicy

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 750

You deserved it 3 080

By Inconnu - 18/06/2011 05:13 - France

Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 624

You deserved it 3 869

Birthday boy

By GiraffeLover - 11/01/2013 11:36 - Australia

Today, my 17 year-old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he overheated, but he still won't take it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 579

You deserved it 7 114

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 04:10 - France

Today, I was bored so I got my little brother's toy spaceship and a teddy bear, went to my room and started flying them around, having dog fights, making explosion noises and humming epic orchestral music. My mom opened my bedroom door, showing our new hot female neighbour around the house. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 080

You deserved it 38 390

By aly55a_mariie - 20/08/2013 19:04 - United States - Lakewood

Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 534

You deserved it 6 564

aly55a_mariie tells us more.

aly55a_mariie 8

Saturday 24 August 2013 22:47

LOL they definitely weren't lying when they said the internet could be brutal. First off, I have ten other tattoos and this is the first time something like this has happened. I take great care in all of my tattoos. I would like to think of myself as an incredibly clean person. Anal to a certain extent. I live with a very talented and successful tattoo artist. He too was freaked out waking up to ants in our bed. I didn't use anything scented. Just the typical A&D ointment. It was not infected nor did it get infected. It was just one of those crappy things that happen to people. I have had another tattoo since then and am happy to say there was no ant attack this time! But thanks everyone for your comments and likes! And for those that don't think you can see a tattoo in your future, please don't let this be the reason! I highly doubt this is a common occurance. Thanks again everyone and have a great day!

By Username - 23/08/2011 15:55 - United States

Today, I asked my two children why they smelled like pee after we had gotten lunch at McDonald's. They told me that they were playing in the puddles in the play-place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 837

You deserved it 5 001

By PrincessPromotion - 26/07/2014 16:29 - United States - Havertown

Today, I went back to work after a vacation, only to find out I'll soon be forced to dress up as one of the princesses from Frozen to promote our store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 787

You deserved it 6 454

By sunil - 13/06/2014 22:53 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 642

You deserved it 9 931

Gratitude

By srsly_what - 28/04/2011 23:13 - United Kingdom

Today, a little girl wandered into the glass-cleaning area of the pub I work at. It's a dangerous place for a little kid, so I took her hand and asked where her mum was. The kid starts screaming and the mother appears in the doorway shouting "GET AWAY FROM MY BABY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 977

You deserved it 3 543

By thunderthighs644 - 23/11/2011 03:21

Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 364

You deserved it 11 884

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Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 267

You deserved it 5 510

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 652

You deserved it 13 287

Today, in a desperate attempt to get my business "out there", I dropped a few of my cards on a station floor. I got a call, even a quote. A $500 fine from the transit for public littering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 281

You deserved it 35 114

Today, a couple of mates and me have a reservation on this fancy restaurant to celebrate Chinese New Year. I found out that 80% of our money goes to the wine tasting event that they have, a free flow of gorgeous, decent wine all around. I'm allergic to fruit. I'll stick to my 20RMB water bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 318

You deserved it 3 321

Today, my roommate told me she's coming back from her family's large house in Reno to Hawaii, because she "wants to work." We have a 14-day visitor's quarantine. And my workplace extended this to travellers' roommates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 133

Today, it's yet another day complete strangers come up to my brother's girlfriend and compliment on her "spectacular charisma" and how she can "brighten people's day without speaking to them." She's a wannabe Disney singer, a little fat, and a ginger. I'm a 3 and 4 level cheerleader! WTF?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 1 155