The Top

Wow this seems to have been misinterpreted! It was unplanned, I was entirely surprised by it. We hadn't planned on kids- if it had been positive it would have been an accident. I was just quite happy to have such a nice surprise even if it did turn out to be negative. I was quite disappointed it was negative, not because I've been secretly trying to get pregnant, but because I was pleasantly surprised. It just seems my fiancé was a little too enthusiastic about the negative result.

By Anonymous - 20/10/2011 16:16 - Ireland

Today, I came home crying and informed my mother that someone had called me a 'fat bitch' today. She held me at arms length, looked me straight in the eyes, and lovingly said, "You can't change who you are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 865

You deserved it 6 726

By imnotacat - 20/07/2011 01:29 - United States

Today, I was riding on the bus, when I felt a weird sensation on my hair. The person behind me was petting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 023

You deserved it 3 104

By OopsKid - 30/05/2011 18:14 - France

Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 331

You deserved it 16 552

By CrappyValentine - 14/02/2012 18:56 - Netherlands

Today, I tried convincing my Valentine-hating boyfriend to send me a card, by explaining how important it is to me. He finally agreed and sent me a card. I opened it up, and it wished me 'harmony and well-being on Lupercalia'. What is Lupercalia? It's an ancient Roman festival where men run down the street naked, whipping people with goat skins to encourage fertility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 380

You deserved it 37 920

By tempted to become single - 21/10/2012 16:00 - United States - Atwater

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 336

You deserved it 3 185

Overreaction

By rejected - 13/04/2012 05:09 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my girlfriend saw the name "Melissa" on my phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 859

You deserved it 9 450

By travelsickness - 10/08/2010 13:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to endure a long drive from Poland to England. We weren't allowed to open our windows. My mum threw up. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 529

You deserved it 3 368

By Anonymous - 22/02/2012 16:47 - United States

Today, I found out why you shouldn't drop instant mashed potatoes in a fish tank, especially when you have expensive fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 212

You deserved it 45 121

The GOAT

By stunned - 15/03/2010 15:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me when he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. We gave our stuff back, he was joking and happy the whole time until I told him I was taking back my cat. At that point he burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 928

You deserved it 3 966

By Ramis182 - 03/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 784

You deserved it 6 032

By SingleStrongArm - 03/05/2013 05:16 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 713

You deserved it 9 770

By lahiros - 30/05/2014 22:05 - Australia - Bentleigh East

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 679

You deserved it 7 541

By stupidbug. - 09/04/2012 08:28 - Canada

Today, I thought it would be funny to pee on a small bug in the toilet. A much larger bug thought it would be funny to fly into my eye while I was doing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 980

You deserved it 37 037

By mizzleshizzle - 09/03/2010 18:42 - Canada

Today, I dropped my physics class because I thought I bombed the 50% second midterm test. I got my results an hour after dropping online. I finished with an 83. I can't get back into the course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 297

You deserved it 64 812

By Anonymous - 21/05/2009 16:41 - Canada

Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 755

You deserved it 59 972

Ready to rumble

By rawkdinosawr - 09/05/2009 15:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend, in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted, "My girlfriend is so stupid, she can't even text the right number." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 059

You deserved it 77 101

By fledermausi - 12/06/2012 13:02 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 870

You deserved it 3 119

By missy - 09/03/2009 22:54 - United States

Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 471

You deserved it 8 682

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had taken her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the Adderall they found in my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 797

You deserved it 130 366

Today, it's the fourth day in a row that I've been kept awake by my grandmother's snoring. I want to be pissed off, but she has sleep apnea, and I feel guilty for even wanting her to shut the hell up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 611

You deserved it 1 280

Today, my new friend and I went out to a concert. When we came back to her house, she ran upstairs and left me alone. Suddenly, a naked man came into my view and I stared at him, horrified. Great way to meet her Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 050

You deserved it 2 712

Today, my friend and I taught a very involved healthy nutrition program to underprivileged youths at a local center. We even made them a healthy snack at the end of the program. Within minutes of the program being over, we caught some of our fellow volunteers feeding the kids Oreos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 265

You deserved it 5 367

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 715

You deserved it 1 248

Today, my friend said he'd give me 20 bucks if I would ask out the ugliest girl in school. I did it. She rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 997

You deserved it 112 595