Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting...

By zzarzzur - 22/05/2015 06:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 980

You deserved it 4 333

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Same thing different taste

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 176

You deserved it 14 899

By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 185

You deserved it 20 932

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 970

You deserved it 15 983

Rotten

By anon - 05/02/2025 00:00 - Netherlands - Naaldwijk

Today, my roommate thought that "sour milk" would taste like sour candy. She left a jug of milk out for two days, then took a huge gulp, vomited everywhere, and dropped the jug. Now the kitchen stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 85

By Scott - 15/09/2011 07:34 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 308

You deserved it 6 428

Carry On Milking

By Anonymous - 07/11/2022 18:00

Today, my wife admitted she has fallen in love with a guy who delivers milk and other dairy to our local shop. She is literally cheating on me with the milkman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - 27/09/2012 02:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 199

You deserved it 2 829

Snowball

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 006

You deserved it 19 736

Spicy date

By veggiedude - 08/05/2014 03:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 820

You deserved it 6 663

New one

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 12:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 530

You deserved it 482

lysx84 24

Friday 22 May 2015 13:51

I often wonder how people discover such talents. I suspect far too much free time...

TrippingOnAcid 29

Friday 22 May 2015 13:51

Can she pop out a ping pong ball?

Comments

TuneSyon 7

Saturday 23 May 2015 18:47

how??

GeorgiaBea 28

Saturday 23 May 2015 20:40

Super strong keigal muscles!!

shinikageWolf 15

Saturday 23 May 2015 23:44

She must be a squirter.

vintageart1994 16

Sunday 24 May 2015 1:25

What. The. Actual. ****.

bambam42069 13

Sunday 24 May 2015 2:04

That's not a talent that's straight disgusting right there where did you find this girl

PhoenixGirl2015 4

Sunday 24 May 2015 3:19

#eww

martin8337 35

Sunday 24 May 2015 5:43

What's next? A whole banana up in the ****** and comes out the ****** in slices? Picking up a stack of $10 in quarters and shooting them one by one?

jonks95 7

Sunday 24 May 2015 7:40

she a squirter

VanessaKJ196 3

Sunday 24 May 2015 8:30

how is that even possible O.o

imbedderdenu 23

Sunday 24 May 2015 13:12

umm....

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I'm all alone for the holidays. The guy I was kicking it with ghosted me. I went to the guy I rejected for being too overweight for my taste, and not only has he lost weight, he now has a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 1 244

Today, I found out that the only reason why I haven't had a relationship last for more than a week the past 4 years is because of my stalker ex-girlfriend, who has been keeping other women out of my life by making up horrible stories about me. She broke up with me 5 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 412

You deserved it 2 302

Today, I proved my doctor wrong. I've been having difficulty breathing for 3 months. When it started, she said it was anxiety. I knew that wasn't the case, but I did what she said. A few weeks later, I told her during a follow-up that I thought it might be my phrenic nerve. She laughed. The physio confirmed it today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 108

Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 151

Today, my seventy-year-old male live-in landlord asked if I'd heard a low humming noise the last few nights, around midnight, as someone had mentioned it. I feigned ignorance, whilst silently lamenting the decline of my self-pleasure opportunities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 473

You deserved it 295

Today, I finally got a Wii Fit to try and lose some weight. I came home and set it all up, only to be told that I weigh too much to actually use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 90