Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting... - FML

By zzarzzur - 22/05/2015 06:55 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 980

You deserved it 4 333

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Same thing different taste

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 176

You deserved it 14 899

By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 185

You deserved it 20 932

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 970

You deserved it 15 983

Rotten

By anon - 05/02/2025 00:00 - Netherlands - Naaldwijk

Today, my roommate thought that "sour milk" would taste like sour candy. She left a jug of milk out for two days, then took a huge gulp, vomited everywhere, and dropped the jug. Now the kitchen stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 85

By Scott - 15/09/2011 07:34 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 308

You deserved it 6 428

Carry On Milking

By Anonymous - 07/11/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, my wife admitted she has fallen in love with a guy who delivers milk and other dairy to our local shop. She is literally cheating on me with the milkman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - 27/09/2012 02:29 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 199

You deserved it 2 829

Snowball

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 006

You deserved it 19 736

Spicy date

By veggiedude - 08/05/2014 03:01 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 820

You deserved it 6 663

New one

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 12:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 530

You deserved it 482

Next

Top comments

lysx84 24

Friday 22 May 2015 13:51

I often wonder how people discover such talents. I suspect far too much free time...

TrippingOnAcid 29

Friday 22 May 2015 13:51

Can she pop out a ping pong ball?

Comments

cbeigs 5

Saturday 23 May 2015 5:19

That's awesome and if she's not crazy as f@"k keep her

theTravinator 21

Saturday 23 May 2015 5:31

But just imagine the delivery room if they had a kid. She could probably alley-oop and dunk that baby like Kobe Bryant

Miss_Whipped 43

Saturday 23 May 2015 5:39

That was both mildly disturbing and amusing at the same time.

SystemofaBlink41 27

Saturday 23 May 2015 6:41

I imagine the doctors whooping, popping beers and giving each other high-fives after the slam-dunk.

zombieplatypus 8

Saturday 23 May 2015 6:59

Are you sure it was milk???

illumanati 10

Saturday 23 May 2015 7:15

Skeet skeet water gun

CrazedSanity 17

Saturday 23 May 2015 11:14

How did she get it to stay in there long enough to shoot it out? Was she upside down? Otherwise it would dribble out... Ugh, I am disgusted my brain even thought that.

PizzaElHutt 7

Saturday 23 May 2015 11:23

That's hot.

IAMTHEJEWBOY 16

Saturday 23 May 2015 11:49

Now that's a talent!

ScottLucky 18

Saturday 23 May 2015 17:43

Dude! That's awesome! Marry her!

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The Top

The Top

Today, I overheard my parents arguing over who had to tell me that I'm adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 426

You deserved it 342

Today, I was really happy because the guy I've been on a few dates with wanted to take pictures with me. I thought it'd meant that he really liked me, but it turns out he just wanted them so he could post them online and make his ex-girlfriend jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 950

You deserved it 1 432

Today, I found out that my sister has been telling people I’ve been dead for the last 3 months, to cover up the fact she used me to commit identity fraud. We’re identical twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 80

Today, my best friend whom I have been in love with for years, called me, proposed, and confessed his love for me. He was at a noisy bar so I asked him to call me back later and we'd discuss it. He called back later, hungover, with no recollection of our conversation whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 361

You deserved it 5 308

Today, a customer told me that there was no way he was paying for his shopping. He then walked off. As it turns out, the customer IS always right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 419

You deserved it 3 292

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 446

You deserved it 79 666