Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML
Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML
Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML
Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML
Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML
Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML
Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
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Top comments
DasHaas 9
Karma.
yoursucklives 36
why would you steal a pen?
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Comments (96)
DasHaas 9
Karma.
MrBurnard 7
I hope it wasn't a labeled instrument for said surgery ...
EpicSquishii 21
Nothing worse than a thieving tranny (says the chick with the mustache)
SammyS2012 21
i hate when people steal the pens in our office!! those are not complimentary pens; they are for others (and the staff) to use. I say that you deserve it wholeheartedly. To accidentally take it is alright, but you purposely stole it...
karlcolt45 19
THUG LIFE
ShyAnn29 14
I always take pens from the doctors office, they have cool pens, I was there once when the medical supply rep came and I asked if I could have a pen, not only did I get a pen, he gave me and my mom a huge handful of pens!
zandalee 19
Am I the only one who read this as a huge handful of penises?
agsilver 14
Yes, you are.
whiteboy896 9
Karma is a bitch huh?
yoursucklives 36
why would you steal a pen?
MrSassypants 33
It gives you a thrill of stealing. Just like when I went to Burger King and got more napkins and ketchup packets than necessary. I like living on the edge.
perdix 29
#3, why would you buy a pen when there are so many loose ones laying around just asking to be stolen?
thrashtildeath 9
why wouldnt you?
azk3000 9
wouldn't it be easier to find a nearby TD bank?
oj101 33
Hilarious - this is going straight to the favorites. You can't deny that you deserved that one.
crazycatlady5 6
There's a button for that.
_Adog2645 24
No, there isn't...
freebirdfly 6
It could have said "massively invasive" you lucked out ;)
InorganicReece 6
Its gonna be tough explaining that one
mendini 25
Is she also a gynecologist or do you suppose she steals their pens?
Bibliovore 26
Medical supply and drug companies give doctors a bunch of cheap branded merchandise -- labeled pens, notepads, squeeze toys, etc. -- often leaving tons of the stuff every time they come by, or piling it on them at conferences. What doctors wind up with is not even necessarily in their specialty. Why anyone would want to steal the stuff is beyond me; the pens rarely write as well as the cheapest ones you can find at your local stores.
botanistjessica 24
Thank you, pen expert. Now I know the truth.
andyyroxx 20
That penis what's making others look at you that way.
syki 22
I sincerely hope that's not a typo.
_1296 10
Oh, I see what you did there. :p
oj101 33
Maybe you could give it to her. You never know, you could save her life!
karlcolt45 19
“what are you looking at man!? yeah I cold stole this from my doctor! WHAT?"