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Damnshabam12's favorite FMLs

Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was okay. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML

By suicide - / Wednesday 4 February 2009 15:48 / United States

Today, my parents told me that I'm no longer allowed to come home from boarding school on weekends because it will confuse my cats and disrupt their lives. FML

By incendiaaa - / Sunday 24 February 2013 11:17 / Australia

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 21 February 2013 13:43 / United States - Boise

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML

By daniel55 - / Monday 18 February 2013 00:11 / United Kingdom - London

Today, I went shopping with my two-year-old nephew. He threw a tantrum in the middle of the store because I would not show him my "boobies". A man came up to us and said I should do what my nephew wanted. FML

By Lesser - / Sunday 17 February 2013 08:02 / Australia - Glenfield