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Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm 'so slow a turtle could kick my ass' and that he has 'a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend.' FML
Your boyfriend is such a card. I'd deck him one if I were you. Tell him he's an asshole, don't be afraid to call a spade a spade.
Speak your mind, but please try and be respectful.