Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumps on my lap and vomits all over my doughnuts, stares at me then bites the doughnut out of my hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25688) - you totally deserved it (2683)
On 09/28/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by Heww (woman) - United States (California)
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
First!
#1 - On 09/28/2009 at 10:12am by littlerock
Looks like you are going to have to buy more doughnuts. Oh, and get some for me please, I love Krispy Kreme.
#7 - On 09/28/2009 at 10:19am by fmlfmlfml15
why are people so obsessed on here about being the first to comment?
does that not just mean you have no life and so sit and resfresh the page until there are new FMLs up?
I don't care if the first commenter posts that he/she is first, but it's kind of annoying that the "First" isn't followed by any comment relevant to the FML. Nevertheless, I just let them have their moment.
#27 - On 09/28/2009 at 11:12am by fmlfmlfml15
very dipolmatic of you fmlfmlfml15 haha.
i agree, it is annoying that they don't say anything related to the fml, which in this case is a definite FYL.
I once waited 20 mins for a crepe at a festival then as i walking to a stage across the field i tripped and dropped. FML indeed.
Know how you feel OP!!
fmlfmlfml15, I'd say it's more annoying that people reply to the first post with nothing relevant just to be on top.
You just lost the game.
/insert "creme filling" joke here.
#3 - On 09/28/2009 at 10:12am by Intoxicunt
i hate you, you ruined my record of 2 years... I JUST LOST THE GAME
#68 - On 09/28/2009 at 2:43pm by francoissmexy
I never really got the whole game thing. I know what it is, but I had half my friends in high school walking around saying that if you visited the site you HAD to play...but really who's making you? Ninjas won't come to your house in the middle of the night and I don't think Chuck Norris bothers himself with that kind of thing.
#70 - On 09/28/2009 at 3:02pm by XOfiestypixie
Chuck Norris doesn't, for sure. I don't really like "the game", but it's getting addicting.
Other person, I lost the game, so I figured I'd share the joy. Sorry!
#77 - On 09/28/2009 at 4:05pm by Intoxicunt
WTF? Who cares if it's bad for you? As long as you eat them in moderation there's nothing wrong with a sweet treat every so often.
#82 - On 09/28/2009 at 4:23pm by Cendhalia
someone call the aspca..... id say have a certain time in the day where you keep pets locked in a room so they dont get in any trouble when you want peace time OP
#74 - On 09/28/2009 at 3:35pm by moon_mistress
I presume that the donut in her hand was the one donut which hadn't been vomited on...
#15 - On 09/28/2009 at 10:33am by sadistmonkey
Ahh didn't even think of that. It makes more sense now, thanks :)
#20 - On 09/28/2009 at 10:48am by Sun_Kissed18
Sounds dumb, but honestly I agree. You should expect these sorts of things from dogs..
That's part of the reason I hate dogs. Ugh.
#87 - On 09/28/2009 at 5:45pm by EprahsHteb
Last year I ordered pizza for a friend and I and right after I paid the guy my dog ran and knocked it off the table and just about inhaled the whole thing in less than 30 seconds! I know how you feel!
You know, technically, it's the law of the jungle if they're stronger or faster than you. ;) *lol*
If you a) enforce the idea that you are the alpha and others are not to mess with your food (this can be done even just by growling and appearing to bite/look menacing) and b) you are faster than the animals when food falls on the ground, you will never have your animals manage to steal food from you.
Other than when I was a small child, I've never had anything or anyone manage to steal any food from me, even including when pieces of roast beef flew off and fell on the ground near my animals. They may have four legs but you can still be faster, yours are longer.
Yeah this one's a YDI for not training your dog at all. The fact that he'll grab food right out of your hand is pretty bad and means your clearly not in charge. My dogs will not touch food that they realize is mine, and in the few occasions where they snagged something while I was off in another room they immediately knew they had done something wrong. Actually one time was pretty funny where I had finished most of a sandwich, and as soon as I stood up to throw it away he snatched it up because he understood I was done with it.
YDI for having a dog that isn't well trained at all. Seriously? Jumps in your lap then eats food out of your hand?
Apparently you need to learn how to train a dog. You can't just buy it, get its shots, and then leave it at that. They're like little kids, you have to TEACH them how to behave. They don't just naturally become "good dogs." It takes a lot of work.
But since you just bought a whole box of doughnuts you were planning on eating yourself, I'm guessing your a big fat woman who doesn't know what "work" is.
#17 - On 09/28/2009 at 10:38am by Chicostick
Dude, she worked an 11 hour shift and you're saying she doesn't know what work is? And way to be presumptuous and rude by calling her fat. Gosh.
#23 - On 09/28/2009 at 10:53am by mutant_tomato
@17 - First of all, she said she was going to treat herself to A donut, not a whole box of donuts. And even though she said her dog vomited all over her donuts (plural), she still didn't say how many that was. It may have been 2 - not a whole box.
However, OP, I agree that YDI for not training your dog. Untrained dogs are the result of their owners not knowing how to train them properly, or not understanding what the dog needs to learn. And that is a result of not doing your research before you buy one - which is a huge pet peeve of mine.
FY dog's L for having you as an owner, imo.
Just because the dog did that, doesn't mean it isn't trained. Every dog has it's own personality, just like people do, and her dog could be have a more energetic personality. It also could've been a smaller to mid-sized dog, explaining why it "jumped up" on her. Small dogs are referred to as "lap dogs" for a reason, they are small enough and enjoy spending time cuddled up with their owners, which could be the case here. To say that the dog "jumped up" on her is also a subjective term, which could mean that the dog is poorly trained OR the dog is simply allowed on the couch, and most dogs have to jump a little bit to get up, especially little dogs.
You may not allow your dog on the couch, but plenty of people with well trained dogs do.
#71 - On 09/28/2009 at 3:09pm by XOfiestypixie
You were gonna eat that pastry in front of the dog without sharing and are now upset when his instinct kicked in? That dog got his doughnut. Rahr! [;
Next time vomit in the dog dish - that'll teach the bastard
#22 - On 09/28/2009 at 10:53am by IdolChatter
Nahh dogs are quite partial to vomit... it'd probably just like the extra flavour!
#34 - On 09/28/2009 at 11:30am by xxchilloutxx
...eh?
And the FML staff often change miss-spellings in FML posts
#48 - On 09/28/2009 at 12:54pm by xxchilloutxx
Oh, ok. They are what I grew up with, so they're good to me. Especially raspberry jelly! You Texans living in your whole 'nother country.
#78 - On 09/28/2009 at 4:08pm by Intoxicunt
If you needed a few drinks to unwind after work, we'd call it alcoholism, but we consider a few doughnuts perfectly normal. I really think we could do a lot to solve the obesity problem in this country if we took addictive behavior surrounding food more seriously.
Look on the bright side...your dog may have saved you from a diabetic coma!
YDI for having that dog. If he's making your life a living hell why do you keep him. ITS JUST A DAMN DOG! Also, you should have trained him better.
hahaha he did kinds save ur life.. but it wa a 1 doughnut guys!
#51 - On 09/28/2009 at 12:59pm by inspireme48
OH POOR YOU YOU LOST A DOUGHNUT IT MUST BE IMPOSSIBLE TO ENDURE.
God.
Why do people whine over every single miniscule negative detail in life these days?
you're the one whinging about someone whinging... so really you're, if anything, worse than them! Just don't read FML?
#66 - On 09/28/2009 at 2:41pm by xxchilloutxx
you are the only smart one to comment this FML. That's what I was thinking. I mean come on, how is the dog puking and eating you donut an FML? There are tons of people out there who would love to only have their dog eating a donut as a bad aspect of life. Some of these are so stupid. I wish the worst thing that has ever happened to me was my dog eating some of my food and puking on me.
First of all, xxchilloutxx had it right, slaggerr, sorry.
Now when I read comments like yours Fop, of which there are many, I simply can't help but put my fists on my hips and shake my head. Really?
FMyLife.com is not a large-scale social project for the cataloging and appreciation of true human suffering. It's as serious as its name; fuck my life. We're on here to read stories that are genuinely enjoyable, and a story hardly has to be tragic to be enjoyed. In fact, tragedy has historically had the opposite effect.
Please, enjoy these stories for what they are; hilarious happenstance--that coincidentally tends to be a little !@#$ed up.
I hate these fmls. Fml I am so fat I have to have a donut. And the donut more important than your vomiting dog
And you just sat there with vomit all over you while your dog stared you down over a doughnut? I would have jumped up immediately, throwing the dog to the floor and thereby keeping him out of reach of my doughnut. But good job, just sitting there in your dog's puke whining over a doughnut.
#55 - On 09/28/2009 at 1:30pm by MiddleChild08
And you just set there covered in your dog's vomit while he stared you down over the doughnut? I would have jumped up immediately, throwing the dog to the floor, and thereby putting him out of reach of my doughnut. Good job though, just sitting there in your dog's vomit whining about a doughnut.
#57 - On 09/28/2009 at 1:32pm by MiddleChild08
YDI for owning such a dumb dog (and doing nothing about it...)
#58 - On 09/28/2009 at 1:33pm by stupidwhatever24
Thats why as soon as I finish cooking etc I put ALL MY pets in the basement or a room so I can eat in peace...
#61 - On 09/28/2009 at 2:00pm by Cristaderzi
your dog was doing you a favor; be thankful that someone cares about your arteries :) if the sight of your doughnut made him vom, does that really sound like something you should be putting into your body, especially one that needs to get through such long shifts? haha.
not to be a douchebag because that is a truly messed up situation, but that made me laugh. i guess it was the visual of the whole situation that did it for me.
Krispy Creme doughnuts are the most overrated doughnuts I've ever had. Shipley's blows them out of the water.
#73 - On 09/28/2009 at 3:25pm by Fred_Burroughs
It probably did you a big favor, you probably don't need a box of doughnuts.
#75 - On 09/28/2009 at 4:04pm by hahahathatsuxs
YDI. That's what people get for having pets.
I'll NEVER understand the amount of people who seem to forget their pets are fucking irrational and then come here to complain about shit said pets have done. Get real.
fegd, I really have to hope you've haven't had a pet in a very long time, because you are obviously out of touch with why people choose to house them.
YDI for letting your pet rat out of its cage... No, for OWNING one.
#84 - On 09/28/2009 at 5:00pm by aaaaa2p
i hate to say it, but i laughed out loud when i read the last part.
and why is everyone so hateful on this site? yikes...
#85 - On 09/28/2009 at 5:05pm by bai_ley20
OP: Get a cat
And why is everyone assuming your dog is a boy?
#91 - On 09/28/2009 at 6:31pm by scateice
doughnuts like a brit... xD
doughnuts like a brit
doughnuts like a
doughnuts like
doughnuts
#94 - On 09/28/2009 at 7:07pm by ElMundio87
Gosh, I just love how little trends pop up in FML's during the week. Whether it's "my bf yells out catchphrases during sex" or "I violently sneezed and punched someone" or "I was relaxing after working hard and it ~all~ was ruined by ____," I just LUV IT.
#96 - On 09/28/2009 at 7:48pm by waterynuggets
OR you may : Before your dog steal it away, put the doughnut in your mouth and say "nice try, huh"--haha
I sent your dog. I don't approve of your Krispy Kreme.
#106 - On 09/28/2009 at 11:21pm by DameGreyWulf
learn to write a comprehensive account of what went one. This post, like most here, does not make any sense. you bought 'a' doughnut but your dig threw up on 'all' of them?!
If the dog had just barfed on your doughnuts, then whatever, its a dog. But it then bit the doughnut out of your hand, and therefore, does not deserve to live. That dog is only there to make you happy, if it cant atone for its sins, kill it.
have you ever seen a dog puke? it takes a while for them to hack it up and ive never seen a dog puke with its head up, maybe into someones lap.
I agree with KALIMEDS. I've seen my dogs vomit loads of times and they have taken a while to vomit.
#115 - On 09/29/2009 at 9:23am by Dark_AvengerA7X
Krispy Kremes suck anyway...get a good ole' fashioned Dunkin Donut...much better. Poor dog...now it's gonna have digestive problems.
Darn. That blows. But atleast you've got the chance to relive this.
#118 - On 09/30/2009 at 1:10am by Super_Vegetto
And that's why I hate dogs!
Okay just kidding, it's cuz i'm allergic. But really, that sucks. I"m sorry OP.
#121 - On 09/30/2009 at 12:46pm by genius_man16
YDI for being a crappy pet owner. That dog did several things wrong that he wouldn't have done if you had invested a reasonable amount of time in training it.
#123 - On 10/02/2009 at 2:42pm by fatedphoenix
the dog mastered the skils of a ninja!!! he stares u down then takes ur shit and storms off lol i agree w u dude FYL i want those treats!!! :)
YDI for reffering to the krispy kreme as "a delicious Krispy Kreme Doughnut" i mean yea they are good but saying it like that makes you sound pretty cocky in my opinion also you dont need a whole box of them, and your dog seriously needs to be trained mate
#125 - On 12/16/2009 at 11:45am by watchasay71
