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zyme

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zyme
  • Town/Country : Tampa, FL, USA, USA, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 9 August 1984 (29 years)
  • Number of visits : 1232
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About zyme : Prior Service USAF/SSgt with 9 years in; originally from NY.

zyme's last visitors

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zyme's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of zyme's badges

zyme's favorite FMLs

Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML

#20034900
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26475) - you deserved it (6476)

On 08/22/2012 at 12:19am - intimacy - by ihateveganism (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my girlfriend's phone was stolen. I have no idea who I've been sexting the entire afternoon. FML

#20033737
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27256) - you deserved it (8002)

On 08/21/2012 at 11:29am - intimacy - by Sexting (man) - United States

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

#20033419
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21995) - you deserved it (2801)

On 08/21/2012 at 4:21am - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States

Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML

#20022504
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14747) - you deserved it (31692)

On 08/15/2012 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by shelby124 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

#20015702
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26639) - you deserved it (7723)

On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13812) - you deserved it (37118)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my social anxiety hit a new low. I was playing bingo and, although I won, I didn't shout "bingo" because I thought too many people would look at me. FML

#20015021
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22101) - you deserved it (7314)

On 08/11/2012 at 10:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my new boss, the CEO's son, finally showed up for work, three days late and right after lunch break. His first order of business was to call a meeting and scream at everyone for not having a diet latte waiting for him on his desk. God help us all. FML

#20013987
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25596) - you deserved it (1301)

On 08/10/2012 at 7:16pm - work - by SHIIIIITTTT (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML

#20011862
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4374) - you deserved it (23363)

On 08/09/2012 at 5:42pm - work - by sincerely depressed. - United States (California)

Today, my daughter discovered that her Venus Fly Trap will not eat pieces of ripped-up scrap paper. Also today, I discovered that my daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper and my monthly paycheck. FML

#19998217
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21081) - you deserved it (1707)

On 08/02/2012 at 10:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my brother offered my boyfriend $50 to dump me. Guess who's single. FML

#19997949
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23828) - you deserved it (2435)

On 08/02/2012 at 4:11am - love - by Kelly - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML

#19997167
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16248) - you deserved it (2043)

On 08/01/2012 at 8:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I went to do the laundry at my hotel. I had just enough money for my two loads. After getting frustrated with the washer taking two of my quarters and giving no credit, I took the clothes out. The washer then locked the door shut and started without my clothes. FML

#19996404
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20857) - you deserved it (3947)

On 08/01/2012 at 12:44pm - misc - by jessmess (woman) - United States (Texas)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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