Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

zyme

Search for a member

zyme
  • Town/Country : Tampa, FL, USA, USA, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 9 August 1984 (29 years)
  • Number of visits : 1232
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About zyme : Prior Service USAF/SSgt with 9 years in; originally from NY.

zyme's last visitors

sunflowerchildMaddy_Moorehahascrewuanne90210dead_insectsdoubledutchysleepRXkay2810RedPillSucks

zyme's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of zyme's badges

zyme's favorite FMLs

Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML

#20094225
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23491) - you deserved it (3874)

On 09/29/2012 at 9:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out why the girl I like won't give me the time of day. Apparently, I called her ugly and pushed her into a puddle when we were in kindergarten. FML

#20091625
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14798) - you deserved it (23120)

On 09/27/2012 at 10:41pm - love - by thatwas10yearsago (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML

#20087510
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18451) - you deserved it (1626)

On 09/25/2012 at 12:13am - health - by N/A (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I spent ten minutes looking for my cell phone in the dark, only to realize the light I was using was my cell phone's. FML

#20078695
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6160) - you deserved it (26568)

On 09/19/2012 at 12:14am - misc - by unaware - United States (Ohio)

Today, my daughter and her boyfriend excitedly told me that after months of trying they are finally pregnant and that I'm going to be a grandmother. This would be great news if they weren't 15. FML

#20077962
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41185) - you deserved it (5960)

On 09/18/2012 at 4:20pm - health - by GMD (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

#20071956
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18026) - you deserved it (1897)

On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my 12 year-old dog died. My boyfriend's attempts to comfort me involved him muttering, "At least she knows how to play dead now." FML

#20071617
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20373) - you deserved it (1661)

On 09/14/2012 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the pharmacist warned me that my antibiotics might cause slight gastrointestinal distress. The fact that I have been on the john for the past 90 minutes drenched in sweat would lead me to believe our definitions of "slight" are a bit different. FML

#20047681
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17906) - you deserved it (1093)

On 08/29/2012 at 9:12am - health - by jdch_99 - United States

Today, I attended my college roommate's wedding. We were best friends for 4 years, but have only talked occasionally since graduation. I was looking forward to meeting her new husband, having heard so much about him during our conversations. Turns out she forgot to mention he's my ex. FML

#20043916
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23181) - you deserved it (1833)

On 08/27/2012 at 2:11am - love - by Betrayed (woman) - United States

Today, I was training a new girl at work. We're always told to find "common interests" with the people we are training to make it less awkward for them. Little did I know that our "common interest" would turn out to be my boyfriend. FML

#20043557
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25392) - you deserved it (1404)

On 08/26/2012 at 11:13pm - love - by damnit. (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

#20042325
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19354) - you deserved it (1683)

On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

#20042325
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19354) - you deserved it (1683)

On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my crush didn't remember calling me beautiful, telling me he liked me, or any of the other romantic things he said to me while drunk last night. He did however remember me promising to bake him cookies. FML

Today, I was at a job interview. The interviewer spoke to me for a few minutes, then said she would be right back, and left. I was left alone in a room for an hour and a half believing that it was a patience test. They closed the store for the day, leaving me in the interview room. FML

#20040149
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22414) - you deserved it (251)

On 08/24/2012 at 11:31pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, a thirty-something guy swaggered into my workplace. He was wearing shutter shades and torn jeans, and claimed to be our new boss. I called security to throw him out, at which point he produced his ID and let me know I'd be attending an employee review session next week. FML

#20039859
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18363) - you deserved it (6482)

On 08/24/2012 at 8:20pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: