About zyme : Prior Service USAF/SSgt with 9 years in; originally from NY.
zyme's FML badges
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
zyme's favorite FMLs
by Chels / 08/18/2011 at 4:25pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
by Goaway / 08/14/2011 at 7:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML
by Kathryn / 08/13/2011 at 6:31am / Belgium / Kids
by badass / 08/13/2011 at 3:25am / United States / Love
Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML
by brittbrat4 / 08/13/2011 at 2:51am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I decided to prank my boyfriend by putting a pair of panties in his coat pocket. I stormed in and confronted him with the "evidence". I guess the prank worked; he broke down and confessed to cheating on me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/12/2011 at 7:15pm / France / Love
by Username / 08/11/2011 at 7:38pm / United States / Work
Today, our AC broke. It's 98 degrees inside the house. My parents will be staying at a 5 star resort until the repairman can come to fix the unit in 6 days. They made me stay home to make sure the plants survive. FML
by Username / 08/10/2011 at 2:12am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by aliixmaee / 08/09/2011 at 10:50am / United States / Love
by ksmith / 08/09/2011 at 12:59am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by ApparentDrugAddict / 08/08/2011 at 2:23am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm / United States / Kids
Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML
by FML! / 08/06/2011 at 8:27pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by ashlyn / 08/06/2011 at 1:41am / United States (Michigan) / Love
- Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where… Today, while on a six hour flight, someone offered to pay me $20 to swap seats with them. It seemed… Today, my roommate told me that unscented deodorant prevents ingrown hairs on the bikini line. She…