Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick :
Categories :
Man or woman?

zyme

Search for a member

zyme
  • Town/Country : Tampa, FL, USA, USA, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 9 August 1984 (28 years)
  • Number of visits : 845
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About zyme : Prior Service USAF/SSgt with 9 years in; originally from NY.

zyme's last visitors

dead_insectsdoubledutchysleepRXkay2810RedPillSucks

zyme's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of zyme's badges

zyme's favorite FMLs

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML

#17458191
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7072) - you deserved it (24550)

On 08/13/2011 at 6:31am - kids - by Kathryn - Belgium

Today, I started to fall in love with my wife again. We are in the middle of a divorce. FML

#17457372
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31195) - you deserved it (11809)

On 08/13/2011 at 3:25am - love - by badass - United States

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

#17457165
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14452) - you deserved it (22952)

On 08/13/2011 at 2:51am - kids - by brittbrat4 - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to prank my boyfriend by putting a pair of panties in his coat pocket. I stormed in and confronted him with the "evidence". I guess the prank worked; he broke down and confessed to cheating on me. FML

#17452928
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25284) - you deserved it (28136) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/12/2011 at 7:15pm - love - by Anonymous - France

Today, after coming back from deployment, I found a homeless guy had broken into my house and made it his home for the last 5 months. FML

#17443433
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29695) - you deserved it (1624)

On 08/11/2011 at 7:38pm - work - by Username - United States

Today, our AC broke. It's 98 degrees inside the house. My parents will be staying at a 5 star resort until the repairman can come to fix the unit in 6 days. They made me stay home to make sure the plants survive. FML

#17425699
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25823) - you deserved it (1926)

On 08/10/2011 at 2:12am - misc - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me. She took everything, including the kidney I gave her a year ago. FML

#17417239
421 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48886) - you deserved it (4292)

On 08/09/2011 at 10:50am - love - by aliixmaee - United States

Today, I finally noticed that my wife only shaves her bush when she goes on "business trips." FML

#17414090
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47772) - you deserved it (4094)

On 08/09/2011 at 12:59am - intimacy - by ksmith - United States (Ohio)

Today, at dinner, I accidentally let it slip that I'd taken a small sip of alcohol a few years ago and hated it. My extremely strict parents are now trying to get me into rehab. FML

#17403916
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30752) - you deserved it (5123)

On 08/08/2011 at 2:23am - misc - by ApparentDrugAddict (woman) - United States

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

#17391065
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28547) - you deserved it (8924)

On 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

#17390536
441 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34281) - you deserved it (4574)

On 08/06/2011 at 8:27pm - love - by FML! - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

#17390197
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28531) - you deserved it (2520)

On 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to pick up some of my clothes from my boyfriend's apartment. While searching under his bed he pulled out a tank top and bra and asked if they were mine. They weren't. FML

#17384017
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25357) - you deserved it (1977)

On 08/06/2011 at 1:41am - love - by ashlyn - United States (Michigan)

Today, my dad nearly had a head-on collision with another car, but I grabbed the wheel at the last second, potentially saving both our lives. He spent the rest of the car trip pissed at me because I'd "interfered" with his driving. FML

#17379792
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24072) - you deserved it (329)

On 08/05/2011 at 5:47pm - health - by laurlaur - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML

#17375446
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40425) - you deserved it (1700)

On 08/05/2011 at 4:41am - misc - by thehumanshield - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Sharina's Illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! Glad to see you all again, hope you’re doing fine and dandy. We are, amazing stuff has happened in amongst all the drudge and sludge. We’ve spent the week listening to the greatest album ever…

Friday 24 May 2013

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: