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zaise_chsa's favorite FMLs
Today, I came home to find my dad crying. Turns out my parents are getting divorced because my mom had an affair. With a teacher at my school. A female teacher. And the school isn't going to fire her because she's a good teacher. Every day at school I'm going to have to see her. FML
by mylifereallyISeffed / 07/22/2009 at 6:43am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML
by Headphones / 07/21/2009 at 5:38pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML
by uh-oh / 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy
Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. On our way to the Space Needle I was pulled over and promptly arrested. Apparently, I had recently purchased a car from a man who had robbed a jewelery store. The ring is now evidence. FML
by diamondsareforever / 07/18/2009 at 4:19pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/18/2009 at 1:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
by nonmormon / 07/18/2009 at 12:14pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
Today, I was babysitting. The kids were thirsty, so I poured them both a cup of the green juice I'd found in a jug in their fridge. They downed it in a flash. It wasn't until later on after I'd poured myself a cup and taken a sip, I realized I had given them margarita mix. The kids are 4 and 2. FML
by smth / 07/05/2009 at 10:39pm / United States (Utah) / Kids
by shandrith / 07/03/2009 at 10:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was boiling hot so my boyfriend and I decided to sunbathe in the garden and ended up falling asleep for a few hours. Not only is my back so burnt that I can't lie down, I also have a white hand print on my upper back where my boyfriend had left his arm while we slept. FML
by Beccarr / 07/01/2009 at 1:04pm / United Kingdom (Wokingham) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was supposed to work with this girl I really like but I had the flu really bad. I really really wanted to see her so I forced myself out of bed and went to work feeling terrible but determined to see her face. When I got to work I asked where she was. She had called in sick with the flu. FML
by Anonymous / 06/30/2009 at 11:25pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, my daughter asked me what is the youngest age at which you should start having sex. Being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML
by blazer / 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/29/2009 at 3:52pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my car was impounded because I never registered it in California after moving here. In order to get it back, I need to register it. In order to register it, I need to pass a CA smog check. In order to pass the smog check, I need my car. FML
by nicklesg / 06/23/2009 at 7:05pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2009 at 8:47pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, I was with my 14 year old son when we saw a baby sparrow being attacked by four or five blackbirds. We rushed up, waving our arms and scared away the much bigger attackers. The baby sparrow ran toward us for protection, then went past both of us and ran straight down a storm sewer. FML
by Pierce / 06/05/2009 at 12:56pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous