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zaise_chsa's favorite FMLs
Today, I tried to make my mom feel better about me leaving for camp for 2 weeks by saying I wish she would come too. She took me seriously and called the camp and is now a camp counselor there. The only problem is I lied about going to the camp, and I'm really going to my boyfriend's lake house. FML
by grounded4life / 07/22/2009 at 5:31pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home to find my dad crying. Turns out my parents are getting divorced because my mom had an affair. With a teacher at my school. A female teacher. And the school isn't going to fire her because she's a good teacher. Every day at school I'm going to have to see her. FML
by mylifereallyISeffed / 07/22/2009 at 6:43am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML
by Headphones / 07/21/2009 at 5:38pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML
by uh-oh / 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy
Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. On our way to the Space Needle I was pulled over and promptly arrested. Apparently, I had recently purchased a car from a man who had robbed a jewelery store. The ring is now evidence. FML
by diamondsareforever / 07/18/2009 at 4:19pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/18/2009 at 1:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
by nonmormon / 07/18/2009 at 12:14pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
Today, I was babysitting. The kids were thirsty, so I poured them both a cup of the green juice I'd found in a jug in their fridge. They downed it in a flash. It wasn't until later on after I'd poured myself a cup and taken a sip, I realized I had given them margarita mix. The kids are 4 and 2. FML
by smth / 07/05/2009 at 10:39pm / United States (Utah) / Kids
by shandrith / 07/03/2009 at 10:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was boiling hot so my boyfriend and I decided to sunbathe in the garden and ended up falling asleep for a few hours. Not only is my back so burnt that I can't lie down, I also have a white hand print on my upper back where my boyfriend had left his arm while we slept. FML
by Beccarr / 07/01/2009 at 1:04pm / United Kingdom (Wokingham) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was supposed to work with this girl I really like but I had the flu really bad. I really really wanted to see her so I forced myself out of bed and went to work feeling terrible but determined to see her face. When I got to work I asked where she was. She had called in sick with the flu. FML
by Anonymous / 06/30/2009 at 11:25pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, my daughter asked me what is the youngest age at which you should start having sex. Being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML
by blazer / 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/29/2009 at 3:52pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my car was impounded because I never registered it in California after moving here. In order to get it back, I need to register it. In order to register it, I need to pass a CA smog check. In order to pass the smog check, I need my car. FML
by nicklesg / 06/23/2009 at 7:05pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2009 at 8:47pm / United States (Florida) / Health