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zaise_chsa's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/06/2009 at 7:11am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I walked into my new maths class. I stepped inside only to be yelled at by the teacher for nearly 15 minutes. I was then told never to enter her class again and was sent to the principal. My identical twin brother was in her class the period before me. He also has a thing for older women. FML
by slamo / 08/06/2009 at 6:10am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML
by OhFseriously123 / 08/06/2009 at 6:05am / Italy (Lombardia) / Intimacy
Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML
by whatismydadthinking / 08/06/2009 at 4:45am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 1:10pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was talking with a close friend (who is a virgin) about why he did not want to have sex with a prostitute. He told me that "It's not nice to know that the girl you are having sex with has slept with half the country", he then added "That is exactly why I would not have sex with you". FML
by unlucky / 08/05/2009 at 12:29pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 11:21am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/04/2009 at 4:22pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML
by thefailure / 08/02/2009 at 12:21am / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked past a few guys who shouted out to me "You're the most beautiful girl we've seen all day". My boyfriend's response was "It's still early." FML
by epicc1584 / 07/30/2009 at 8:32am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by BrokenVow / 07/30/2009 at 8:02am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Herdad / 07/30/2009 at 7:34am / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, I went on the large bungee drop at the West Edmonton Mall waterpark. As I was falling, my bikini top came off. I had to wait for the bungee rope to stop moving and the life guard to release the ankle strap. FML
by HorrorByrd / 07/26/2009 at 4:06pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML
by Sally / 07/24/2009 at 5:04am / United States (Indiana) / Love
Today, for our one year anniversary, my boyfriend decided to make me a patchwork blanket. The thing is, the patches were stains from bedsheets from where the 'wet spot' was. He thought it was romantic. FML
by OneYearMistake. / 07/22/2009 at 7:35pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love