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zaise_chsa's FML badges
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zaise_chsa's favorite FMLs
Today, my co-worker came back from Thailand with big new breasts. She told me to go ahead and touch them because they have a funny texture for the first few months. When our GM entered the room, I had both hands down my co-worker's shirt, agreeing that they were unnaturally firm. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2009 at 2:57am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML
by Anonymous / 09/06/2009 at 5:50pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I met some of my boyfriend's family for the first time. His aunt said I was really cute, which made me happy. As we were leaving I said "Your aunt thought I was cute." His reply..."Yeah, well, my aunt's on drugs". FML
by me / 09/06/2009 at 5:33pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML
by M.L. / 09/06/2009 at 5:09pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML
by mandy / 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I began my job as an intern at a high school. I saw one of the students looked very familiar, and I couldn't remember from where. Then I figured it out, I had hooked up with him at a club last week. He's a junior in high school, I'm in my last year of college. FML
by akward / 09/04/2009 at 1:36pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
by Co-B / 09/03/2009 at 4:59pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my school to take my yearbook picture. I was wearing a shirt that said ANALOG on the front. When I bent in to take the picture, part of my shirt overlapped itself. Now I'm known as the ANAL kid in the yearbook. FML
by boytoy / 09/02/2009 at 5:23pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/02/2009 at 1:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML
by adriana / 09/01/2009 at 12:48pm / United States (Utah) / Money
by mylifesucks / 08/30/2009 at 12:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML
by mel / 08/30/2009 at 11:23am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by arsewipe92 / 08/30/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, after six months of dating, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because my "obsession" of being on the computer and playing games all the time was cutting into "our time". She then told me to "get a life" and never wanted to see me again. She told me all of this on WoW. FML
by zuper_duper / 08/29/2009 at 6:20pm / United States (California) / Love
by Michelle / 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy