Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

whiteblackman

Search for a member

whiteblackman
  • Town/Country : Turlock, CA, United Sates
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 14 April 1993 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 826
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

whiteblackman's last visitors

Freezeskyregit

whiteblackman's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

whiteblackman's favorite FMLs

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

#1973147
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48058) - you deserved it (5547)

On 05/16/2009 at 7:26am - kids - by badmom101 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I gave my 16 year old step daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me the hypocritical pervert. FML

#1885333
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12369) - you deserved it (70150)

On 05/12/2009 at 8:23pm - kids - by firewait (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML

#1815413
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71240) - you deserved it (7973)

On 05/10/2009 at 2:49pm - love - by airport (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML

#1807200
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71660) - you deserved it (11380)

On 05/10/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by Jopes (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to superglue a couple quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency. FML

#1652768
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13668) - you deserved it (87282)

On 05/05/2009 at 1:43am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

#1617373
506 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81471) - you deserved it (222595)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

#1600602
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (112156) - you deserved it (5484)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by Aether (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

#1550059
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21118) - you deserved it (220858)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML

#1547759
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62042) - you deserved it (8394)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by systeminitiated (man) - Canada

Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML

#1452410
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59803) - you deserved it (27541)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by hyper12332 (man) - Australia (Victoria)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: