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twilight_lupus

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twilight_lupus

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  • Number of visits : 3360
  • Number of comments : 49
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Visits<b>SingingWolf</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 11:50am<b>Donutsarelife</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 7:51am<b>Greathoudini</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 1:53am<b>BirdieCurls</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 5:08pm<b>thedeadmen</b> - the 12/19/2013 at 7:57am<b>Aeroxx1337</b> - the 07/23/2013 at 12:26pm<b>RJ1998</b> - the 06/02/2013 at 6:34am<b>sarbear11753</b> - the 01/04/2013 at 1:31am

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Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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twilight_lupus's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

#17390536
446 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41132) - you deserved it (5963)

On 08/06/2011 at 8:27pm - love - by FML! - Canada (Ontario)

Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML

#17253046
365 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12342) - you deserved it (56600)

On 07/25/2011 at 11:12am - health - by Smokey9 - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a call from a man yelling and cursing at me, calling me a "selfish no-life asshole" for getting his "baby girl" pregnant. I'm 29 and she is 27 and we have been married for 3 years. FML

#17187115
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47951) - you deserved it (2833)

On 07/20/2011 at 3:40am - kids - by Harry - United States

Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML

#17157621
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29517) - you deserved it (3104)

On 07/18/2011 at 1:09am - misc - by Kurochrome - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was on the elevator at work. As it descended, a roach started scurrying about around my feet. I freaked out and started screaming, hitting the panic button without thinking. Now I'm facing a hefty fine for using the panic button when there wasn't a "real" emergency. FML

#17125481
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10476) - you deserved it (38845)

On 07/15/2011 at 6:24pm - work - by Meg - United States (Florida)

Today, I went on a run with the family dog. I returned home to three missed calls and a hysterical voicemail from my dad. Why? The dog was gone. Not me, his fifteen year old daughter, the dog. FML

#17122857
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30456) - you deserved it (4280)

On 07/15/2011 at 2:23pm - animals - by kacysospacyy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my tonsils swelled to roughly the size of golf balls. My mom refuses to take me to the hospital because she's convinced I got it from kissing someone, and until I "fess up", she's not budging. FML

#17109448
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35179) - you deserved it (2729)

On 07/14/2011 at 4:21pm - health - by Eden - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31012) - you deserved it (89788)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)

Today, at work, a regular started talking to me. Subject of choice? His overwhelming amount of earwax. Apparently he'd like to make a candle out of it once he goes to the doctor to get it removed. FML

#17106852
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21404) - you deserved it (1926)

On 07/14/2011 at 11:25am - work - by Breanne - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my dad told my little brother that Tokyo is in China. This is the same guy that yells at me every time I get a "B" on a report card. FML

#17102517
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29450) - you deserved it (1939)

On 07/14/2011 at 1:09am - misc - by j1hill33 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I couldn't shut a drawer in my kitchen, because an oven mitt was blocking it. An oven mitt filled with tin-foil wrapped electronics. My Mom believes Internet hackers can get into her digital camera and prepaid cell phone, and apparently tin-foil will prevent that. FML

#17102276
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22958) - you deserved it (1913)

On 07/14/2011 at 12:50am - misc - by BelleCharmante (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I'm staying with my mother for a week. Every time I eat something, she tells me that it's "swimsuit season" and that I need to eat less. Every time I say I'm not hungry, she panics and insists I have an eating disorder. I can't win. FML

#17098428
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30704) - you deserved it (2115)

On 07/13/2011 at 7:49pm - misc - by argh (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML

#17080145
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36549) - you deserved it (4445)

On 07/12/2011 at 12:46pm - misc - by ManInPain (man) - United States

Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She is 16. FML

#17036042
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30614) - you deserved it (6892)

On 07/09/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by anon - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML

#17032745
376 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10466) - you deserved it (75629) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/08/2011 at 8:11pm - love - by Anonyme - Sent from mobile version



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