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twilight_lupus's favorite FMLs
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
by sometingwong / 12/01/2011 at 3:32pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled "NINJA WAITRESS!" Every one at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML
by immy504 / 11/30/2011 at 12:39am / United States (Louisiana) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/29/2011 at 10:13pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to go get my driver's license, only to be told that I need a copy of my birth certificate. In order to get the copy of my birth certificate, I need a driver's license or my passport. In order to get a passport, I need a copy of my birth certificate or a drivers license. I have none. FML
by Anonymous / 11/29/2011 at 1:40pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by wow / 11/27/2011 at 8:07pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by notsohappilyeverafter / 11/26/2011 at 4:54pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML
by hannahlorraine / 11/24/2011 at 10:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to buy a bottle of wine from the supermarket. The scrawny, acne-ridden kid at the checkout asked to see my ID. I didn't have any on me, since I'm 37 years old and didn't expect to be asked stupid questions. I complained to his manager, only to be asked to leave. FML
by Andrew / 11/24/2011 at 3:19pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous
by Justforlolz / 11/24/2011 at 11:46am / United States (New York) / Work
by Faithful / 11/24/2011 at 5:01am / Singapore / Intimacy
Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML
by disciplinaryaction / 11/21/2011 at 2:02am / United States (Connecticut) / Work
Today, I found out my wife has been bribing my daughter to keep quiet about her affair with my boss. That would explain the iPhone 4S, the $500 shoes, the $200 purse, and the professional $300 haircut. They told me it was because she had straight A's. FML
by brokeandalone / 11/20/2011 at 9:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
by anonymous / 11/17/2011 at 3:22pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, my landlady cut off the Internet to my flat. She says she has no use for it, and doesn't want to keep it anymore. I have 3 online assignments due in the next week, and finals the following week. FML
by nyatzz / 11/16/2011 at 1:32am / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML
by SetoAyumi / 11/15/2011 at 3:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…
- Today, I went to a grad school fair. Tuition costs more than I make in a year. I'm thirty. I think… Today, I learned that if a friend ever suggests you sleep with her boyfriend, it's probably because… Today, a sweet old man came knocking. He asked about my elderly neighbor who he has been trying to…