This member hasn't filled in their description.
twilight_lupus's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
twilight_lupus's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/25/2012 at 4:19pm / Virgin Islands British / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML
by Anonymous / 02/05/2012 at 10:45am / Reserved / Miscellaneous
Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML
by fuckparents / 01/09/2012 at 6:01pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home to find that my mother had sold all my valuable collector coins for cheap at a local shady pawn shop to buy herself a TV. The coins in question were worth enough to start a business. FML
by Ilostsomuch / 01/04/2012 at 1:30pm / United States (Florida) / Money
by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 12:30pm / United States / Intimacy
by gtfoocd / 12/27/2011 at 10:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
by newlysingle / 12/14/2011 at 12:15am / United States / Love
Today, I volunteered to cater an event at school. A little girl asked for a big slice of cake so I gave it to her. She then puked everywhere and her parents blamed me and made me clean it up. The little girl sat there smiling at me while I cleaned. FML
by thathottchickk / 12/13/2011 at 5:43pm / United States (Washington) / Work
by unknown / 12/12/2011 at 9:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML
by Notadrinkanddriveidiot / 12/07/2011 at 9:46am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while at the laundry mat, an old man kept putting extra quarters in my dryer. I didn't realize until a while later what he'd done, just so he could keep watching me bend over to see how much time was left. FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 1:07pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 1:45am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
by Poor Student / 12/05/2011 at 5:30pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Holidays
Today, I was fired from my job on account of "sexual harassment" toward female employees. The harassment? Jokingly offering them foot massages when they were complaining about how their feet ached after a long shift, and complimenting them about their appearance when they felt down. FML
by LucklessNiceGuy / 12/05/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
by perenoel / 12/03/2011 at 11:24am / France / Kids
- Today, I farted in front of my girlfriend of eight months for the first time. She got up from bed… Today, my sister told me to mind my own business when I freaked out about the used tampon she keeps… Today, someone left a can of scentless bugspray next to the stove, I greased a cake pan with it and…