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twilight_lupus

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  • Number of comments : 48
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twilight_lupus's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out what "supersoaked" means. I thought it meant getting shot by a water gun, which is why I laughed when my daughter's boyfriend said he "supersoaked" her. FML

#12894594
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29217) - you deserved it (6041)

On 09/04/2010 at 12:15am - intimacy - by FMyLife5915 -

Today, I found out what "supersoaked" means. I thought it meant getting shot by a water gun, which is why I laughed when my daughter's boyfriend said he "supersoaked" her. FML

#12894594
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29217) - you deserved it (6041)

On 09/04/2010 at 12:15am - intimacy - by FMyLife5915 -

Today, I found out that whenever my best friend used to say she wanted to do my dad, she wasn't kidding. She accomplished her mission in my bed after school. FML

#12851592
333 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51598) - you deserved it (4036)

On 09/01/2010 at 7:10am - intimacy - by fmlskank93 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML

#12838933
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54949) - you deserved it (3832)

On 08/31/2010 at 2:07pm - intimacy - by ashlee (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML

#12800426
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31974) - you deserved it (13879)

On 08/29/2010 at 3:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my dad walked in on me singing "Bohemian Rhapsody", while spinning in circles with the cat in my arms. I thought I was home alone. FML

#12797830
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11965) - you deserved it (25437)

On 08/29/2010 at 12:54am - animals - by Hobbsie - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to confront my boyfriend after finding a girl's phone number next to my bed. He said I was over reacting. When I told him it was over, he asked for the number back so he could call her. FML

#12748715
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28369) - you deserved it (8162)

On 08/26/2010 at 12:11am - love - by tj - United States

Today, I found out that my brother is engaged to marry an ex-girlfriend of mine. This comes almost two months after my brother divorced ANOTHER ex-girlfriend of mine. FML

Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt made me, and served celery sticks at my party because "I need to watch my weight." FML

#12716551
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32391) - you deserved it (5521)

On 08/24/2010 at 4:34am - misc - by jace17 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at work, I stopped in my boss/boyfriend's office to find him getting intimate with a girl. He then tells me that he is cheating on me, that he is dumping me, and that I am fired. Oh, and he is keeping the cat. FML

#12677000
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35337) - you deserved it (5714)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:28am - work - by jemstuff (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44269) - you deserved it (14288)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I got back from a two week holiday only to discover my dog missing. After looking for him at animal shelters and putting up missing pet signs, my room mate admitted he lost him in a game of drunk poker. FML

#12649118
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36195) - you deserved it (2870)

On 08/20/2010 at 6:03pm - animals - by therealducktape - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He also decided the best way to end our relationship was to kill me and our virtual child on The Sims 3 by setting us on fire. FML

#12617958
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35823) - you deserved it (6197)

On 08/19/2010 at 1:26am - love - by Single - United States (California)

Today, airport security took away my 32$ eyelash curler, because it could be used as a weapon. I miss the 90s. FML

#12574406
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29262) - you deserved it (8384)

On 08/17/2010 at 12:59am - misc - by J.O.S (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, for my mom's birthday, we went camping. At night, my mom and her boyfriend decided to have "Birthday Sex" because they thought everyone was asleep. Trying to not make it awkward for me and my friend that I brought along, I kept still. Soon, I heard my friend going to town on herself. FML

#12552368
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42253) - you deserved it (4275)

On 08/16/2010 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)



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