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twilight_lupus's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/10/2010 at 5:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
Today, I passed a car, and heard a baby crying in the back seat. It was hot and no one was around. All the doors were locked so I broke it with a rock, cutting my arm and setting the alarm off. Only to find out that it was a realistic baby doll. I have to get 7 stitches and pay for the window. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 7:32pm / Antigua and Barbuda (Saint John) / Transportation
by theleague / 10/09/2010 at 12:15am / United States (California) / Transportation
by Rob / 10/09/2010 at 12:09am / United States (New York) / Transportation
by mster233 / 10/08/2010 at 11:29pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman asked me what came on a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. Trying not to laugh, I respond, "Bacon, egg, and cheese." She then realizes the stupidity of her question, and launches three dollars worth of quarters at my face and says, "Laugh at that, jerk." FML
by lyssuhhhh / 09/26/2010 at 7:14pm / United States (Ohio) / Work
Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML
by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 10:00pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, a crying kid was brought to my attention by a customer. He was so upset from losing his mom that he couldn't say his name or his moms name. I took him around the store asking him to point out his mom. Once we found her she told me "I was hiding from my kid to test his independence." FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2010 at 12:27am / Canada (Quebec) / Work
Today, my boss reached over and yanked up my shirt right above my breasts while she said, "I'm all for flaunting it if you've got it, but don't reveal that much cleavage, there are dirty old men that work here." FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2010 at 3:29am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I found out why I had been waking up feeling like crap for the past week. I found tufts of cat fur in my pillow case, and I am allergic to cats. My little brother thought I would get so sick, and he could have my XBox. FML
by fuzzy1895 / 09/11/2010 at 1:31am / United States (Nebraska) / Health
Today, I woke up very excited because I was going on my first date with this guy I really liked. I dressed very nicely and went to where we were supposed to meet. I waited for about 2 hours. I called him to ask him where he was. He got angry because he was still sleeping and I woke him up. FML
by Anonymous / 09/11/2010 at 12:47am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I met my fiancée's parents for the first time. Her dad was telling me how he's not rich but not poor either. I replied, "Well, as long as you're not a garbage man!" Guess what his profession is. FML
by charlie043 / 09/10/2010 at 8:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/10/2010 at 10:56am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 10:00am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was arrested by the police for sitting in what they thought was a stolen vehicle. After being slammed into the back of a squad car at gun point, they realized the car was actually recovered a week ago. FML
by bustedfornuthin / 09/08/2010 at 12:42am / United States (New Mexico) / Transportation
- Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my…