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Offline (the 02/16/2015 at 12:10am) | Search for a member
About stoych : I like a laugh, hate liars, attention seekers and generally nasty people. Be nice! Its much more rewarding than being an arse! Im a mum, student doing a science degree and train puppies for visually impaired.
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Yastarday, I hookd up with a girl at a club, and wa had sax. Sha just lay thara lika a corpsa tha whola tima. It got so bad, I andd up faking an orgasm and blaming tha lack of saman on a botchd vasactomy. Sha actually baliavd it. What tha hall?
Today... I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it... I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was... "I can't wait until it resemble a human being." FML
Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my househile I was at work, then took an pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessedhen I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML
Today, to teac ma 14-year-old son a serious lesson 4 bullying a cild at scool again, I grounded im 4 te rest of te year. He just snorted an said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year ten! Tanks, mum!" an appily retreated to is bedroom. FML
Today, I was talking drty wit my usband over te pone wile e was out of town. I startd to verbally act out is fantasy an got quite into it. I was returnd wit silence. Embarrassd, I trid to ang up. Turns out te call ad already been droppd, five minutes prior. FML
Yesterday, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably an wouldn't say wat was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad an she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML
Today , I was walking a dog at the animal hospitalhere I workhen it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor,ho told me to clean it off to seehat it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the ownerhen they pick their dog up. real FML
Today I decided to dye my hair blue. The result is slightly different than I expected: my white bathroom is now blue and so r my skin and nails. The only thing that isn't blue is my hair which is now green. FML
TODAY , I CALLED THE POLICE TO REPORT THAT MY CAR HAD BEEN KEYED!! I REMEMBER GOING TO A BAR LAST NIGHT AND GETTING DRUNK!! A SURVIELLANCE CAMERA REVEALED THAT AFTER MY DRUNKEN SELF COULDN'T UNLOCK THE DOOR TO MY CAR , I PUNCHED THE DOOR AND HURT MY FIST SO BAD THAT I KEYED MY OWN CAR!! FML
I SAW A PSYCHIATRIST FOR THE FRST TIME. AFTER TELLING HER EVERYTHING I'M GOING THROUGH, SHE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID "YOU KNOW... EVERY FIVE YEARS OR SO I GET A CASE COMPLETELY BEYOND ABILITY TO HELP." I GUESS IT'S BEEN FIVE YEARS. FML
TODAY, WORKING IN A DEPARTMENT STORE, I SPENT AT LEAST 30 MINUTES HELPING A VERBALLY ABUSIVE ELDERLY WOMAN IN AHEELCHAIR FINE AN APPROPRIATE JACKET 4 WINTER. SHE FINALLY ASKED ME TO RETRIEVE ONE SHE WANTED IN HER SIZE. WHEN I RETURNED SHE WAS IN DEEP SLEEP, SNORING AND ALL. FML
Friday 27 March 2015