Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

stoych

Offline (the 09/07/2014 at 1:57am) | Search for a member

stoych

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 28 December 1977 (36 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 840
  • Number of comments : 147
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About stoych : I like a laugh, hate liars, attention seekers and generally nasty people. Be nice! Its much more rewarding than being an arse! Im a mum, student doing a science degree and train puppies for visually impaired.

stoych's page activity

Visits<b>nyancait</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 5:54pm<b>toasty_narwals</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 2:16pm<b>vordhosbn</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 3:21pm<b>relaxedninja</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 5:02pm<b>EndlessBoredom</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 2:37pm<b>Pleonasm</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 12:34pm<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 5:31am<b>H4IL2TH3V</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 1:28am<b>Elgaard</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 12:27am<b>YouMadBra</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 7:42pm<b>violetsweety</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 5:59am<b>Deadpool47</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 10:15pm<b>adamant84</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 10:35pm<b>nygiantsfan85</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 8:07pm<b>0ss</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 10:44am<b>callmefireman</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 9:17am<b>PIGaming</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 7:41am<b>totallybananas</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 5:42am

stoych's FML badges

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of stoych's badges

stoych's favorite FMLs

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

#21235982
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39669) - you deserved it (9160)

On 08/12/2014 at 4:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML

#21159292
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45830) - you deserved it (4726)

On 06/01/2014 at 12:36pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

#21132433
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43134) - you deserved it (8257)

On 05/06/2014 at 2:38pm - kids - by Satan's Mum (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my parents made a game out of deliberately walking in when I'm trying to masturbate. They even turn on all the hot water taps when I'm trying to do it in the shower. FML

#21115891
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46929) - you deserved it (18126)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML

#21112406
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41294) - you deserved it (6761)

On 04/13/2014 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

#21070396
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44456) - you deserved it (4199)

On 02/24/2014 at 2:36pm - misc - by fuckmeitsgettingworse - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

#21069925
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35867) - you deserved it (2829)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:01pm - animals - by crap - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

#21044324
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49900) - you deserved it (5386)

On 01/29/2014 at 5:14pm - love - by riiiight (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I decided to dye my hair blue. The result is slightly different than I expected: my white bathroom is now blue, and so are my skin and nails. The only thing that isn't blue is my hair, which is now green. FML

#21036650
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39904) - you deserved it (19353)

On 01/22/2014 at 10:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after I took my first set of exams, my professor posted on Twitter, scoffing at how stupid one student's answer was. The answer he quoted was one that I wrote. FML

#21036248
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46393) - you deserved it (9411)

On 01/22/2014 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I bought a new, expensive dress for a date. I left the tag on and hidden in hopes of returning it later. Someone saw it and ripped it off for me to "save me from embarrassment." FML

#21031476
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25317) - you deserved it (51684)

On 01/18/2014 at 3:33am - money - by unicorn_skies - United States (California)

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

#20977883
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18641) - you deserved it (49025)

On 12/02/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by car keyer (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. After telling her everything I'm going through, she looked at me and said "You know... every five years or so I get a case completely beyond my ability to help." I guess it's been five years. FML

#20963305
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45431) - you deserved it (2972)

On 11/19/2013 at 12:31pm - health - by elle (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, working in a department store, I spent at least 30 minutes helping a verbally abusive elderly woman in a wheelchair find an appropriate jacket for winter. She finally asked me to retrieve one she wanted in her size. When I returned she was in deep sleep, snoring and all. FML

#20963001
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34862) - you deserved it (2662)

On 11/19/2013 at 12:51am - work - by Not impressed. - Canada (Ontario)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: