stoych

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Offline (the 08/27/2015 at 4:51pm)

stoych

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 28 December 1977 (38 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2168
  • Number of comments : 158
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About stoych : I like a laugh, hate liars, attention seekers and generally nasty people. Be nice! Its much more rewarding than being an arse! Im a student doing an ODP degree and love the blood, guts and gore of it all!

I hate wasps. They're assholes.

I never kill spiders.

I don't like babies. I am the least maternal person I know.

I can live without TV but not my music.

My 8 party guests would be.....

Stephen Hawkins, David Attenborough, Brian cox, Marilyn Monroe, JFK, Cleopatra, Tutankhamen, Florence Nightingale.

stoych's page activity

Visits<b>nyancait</b> - the 09/04/2016 at 5:19pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 08/10/2016 at 11:50pm<b>joshklander</b> - the 05/04/2016 at 12:56am<b>draftskink</b> - the 04/30/2016 at 1:52pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/27/2015 at 1:31pm<b>ratman775</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 5:57pm<b>barisozdemir</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 7:06pm<b>GAeroNKissR</b> - the 10/19/2015 at 2:14am<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 2:43pm<b>sierra_starns</b> - the 06/30/2015 at 6:18pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 7:39am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 11:14pm<b>Apretendbiscuit</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 5:21am<b>jmon707</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 2:02am<b>Vestin</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 8:41pm<b>jtfrisch</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 2:24am<b>nobiscis</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 10:48pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 03/08/2015 at 1:38pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 1:39pm

stoych's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of stoych's badges

stoych's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally reached the point where it became necessary to give my boyfriend an ultimatum: either clip your toenails, or we aren't having sex. FML

by anon / 05/06/2015 at 8:50am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, a guy asked me for my number. Now I deeply regret giving it to him, because he won't stop sending me Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. FML

by Iwtumn / 04/30/2015 at 2:15pm / Austria (Steiermark) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, someone at work took my delicate medication out of the fridge to make room for their lunch. Now my medication has expired. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2015 at 1:33pm / United Kingdom (Limavady) / Work

Today, after recently getting my car fully serviced and fixed, the horn has decided to spontaneously beep. To stop the beeping I have to press the horn hard, making it look like I'm purposely doing it to piss people off. FML

Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML

by Anyonexx0 / 04/14/2015 at 2:15pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Work

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

by Distracted / 04/09/2015 at 4:11pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

by marcranger / 08/11/2014 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2014 at 12:36pm / Germany (Bayern) / Kids

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

by Satan's Mum / 05/06/2014 at 2:38pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, my parents made a game out of deliberately walking in when I'm trying to masturbate. They even turn on all the hot water taps when I'm trying to do it in the shower. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2014 at 10:55pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2014 at 11:17pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

by fuckmeitsgettingworse / 02/24/2014 at 2:36pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

by crap / 02/23/2014 at 11:01pm / United States (Nevada) / Animals

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

by riiiight / 01/29/2014 at 5:14pm / United States (Michigan) / Love