This member hasn't filled in the description.
Today, I was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make. I decided to trick him and ask him what sound I make. He immediately says, "MOOOO". FML
I agree, your life sucks (24577) - you totally deserved it (9451)
On 06/21/2009 at 12:03pm - kids - by vballqt201 (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11579) - you totally deserved it (37072)
On 06/20/2009 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML
I agree, your life sucks (99571) - you totally deserved it (12158)
On 03/24/2009 at 11:41am - love - by Kaeyne (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23072) - you totally deserved it (61957)
On 03/17/2009 at 11:15pm - intimacy - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I told my boyfriend "we need to talk". He said "i know". So we met after school, and he said he was ok with me breaking up with him, that he wasn't that into me either. He said all that before I could tell him that my parents wanted to meet him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52095) - you totally deserved it (6406)
On 03/14/2009 at 5:46am - love - by knee2tak (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was cleaning my room and opened my closet to spray febreze on all of my clothes. After they were fairly soaked, I placed the bottled back in the cleaning drawer, and realized that it was bleach. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16646) - you totally deserved it (44770)
On 03/13/2009 at 3:51pm - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I saw him with another woman. I confronted both of them in screaming rage "What the fuck? Are you cheating on me with this ugly slut?" They were in shock. Turns out it was his cousin visiting from New Jersey, he was gonna introduce us at dinner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7200) - you totally deserved it (94772)
On 03/13/2009 at 9:18am - love - by nowthatsfcked (woman) - Canada
Today, I finally got the courage to tell my best friend that I've had a crush on him since our junior year. Since I couldn't see him I shot him a text. His response: "Yeah I know. I've tried kind of ignoring it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (56135) - you totally deserved it (4584)
On 03/13/2009 at 3:27am - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my boss forgot her meeting with an official from the military base and called to ask me to handle it. The very cute Marine showed up that afternoon and we talked for an hour. After he left, I realized I had forgotten about the paper mustache I taped to my face for fun that morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9893) - you totally deserved it (49295)
On 03/12/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by Jaeda (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while, and my dad said, "honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47771) - you totally deserved it (13354)
On 03/12/2009 at 3:49pm - health - by mugs (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52386) - you totally deserved it (6196)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:30pm - misc - by MoneyMike (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36674) - you totally deserved it (67683)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I tried to prove to my dad that he snores by secretly putting a tape recorder under his bed. I soon found out my parents had sex that night. Apparently, my mom likes to talk dirty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25050) - you totally deserved it (67817)
On 03/11/2009 at 2:57pm - intimacy - by Zack (woman) - Israel (Tel Aviv)
Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her some. She let me drive the Porsche, which has never happened. Upon coming home I picked the coffee up out of the cupholder so it wouldnt spill. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I spilled the coffee and crashed the car into the garage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13910) - you totally deserved it (41666)
On 03/05/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by cane - United States (North Carolina)
Today, there was a story called "Looking Good" about fashion in school that ran in the local newspaper. On the front page of that section it featured a picture of my class. I was photoshopped out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49408) - you totally deserved it (2680)
On 03/05/2009 at 4:36pm - misc - by failout (man) - United States (California)
