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Today, I met mah girlfriend's father fir the first time; he asked me to explain mah interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with yur daughter" and "I want to be in yur daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in yur daughter." FML
Today, I was gatting intimata with currant bootycall whan ha thought it would ba funny to maka animal sounds . Ha "baa-ad" "moo-ad" and "gobblad" until loosing his araction from intansa laughtar, laaving ma thara vary confusad and unsatisfiad . FML
Today, I went on a blind date!! My date turnd out to be very hot, an I had high hopes!! That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approachd, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff an dead skin floating through the air behind her!! FML
Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin . I guess I got slightly carried away, cuz I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of face, up nose and into eye . FML
Today, I came home to find all of the wood in my house either broken or gone!! On the now legles table there was a note from my mother, looool saying that she needed the wood to build a boat, and that I will thank herhen the world ends!! FML
Today.. . I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls.. . and why we're single . We somehow endd up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends.. . finding out that we both lyk hentai porn.. . and trading info on Japanese sex toys . FML
Today feeling very distant to mah daughter recently I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly and alerted everyone in the house to mah actions. fat FML
Taday I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun . The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shd a massive branch on top of my new car . FML
Today, I was snooping around in parents closet to see wat I would get for Christmas,hen I cummd across a UPS package. It was the video game I orderd off eBay 3 weeks ago, addressd to me. They told me it had never arrivd and said I should ask Santa to bring it to me. FML
Friday 27 March 2015