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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
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Today, whila in tha rastroom washing my hands, a girl dacidd to lat ona rip whila in tha stall. Whan sha cummd out sha gava ma a dirty look of disgust and said, "At laast wait until I laava." Sha and I wara tha only onas in tha rastroom. FML
Today, I attendd te reading of ma grandfater's last will and testament. My parents, as well as ma broters and sister, all ineritd a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because "young Jack always was an immature little sit." FML
yesterday mah boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate . When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the oneho knocks, babe." FML
I gave mah daughter the sex talk . Barely 10 minute later.. . her public Facebook statu read: ( My mom's a total pedo . ) and after she mentioned the talk.. . her friend posted.. . ( That's sexual harassment . You can sue 4 that . ) Clerely I've failed as a parent . FML
2day I Submitted Big Assignment To Teacher At 1:55pm. The Deadline Was 2pm. She Rejected It Cuz Her Watch Read A Few Minutes After 2pm And She Maintains That The Time On Her Watch Is The "real" Time. FML
TODAY, AT THE YACHT CLUB I WORK AT A GRL ORDERED A PORTABELLA WRAP. SHE ASKED 4 NO CHEESE OR VEGGIES, JUST THE PORTABELLAS. AFTER SHE GOT THE SANDWICH AND ATE HALF OF IT, SHE SENT IT BACK SAYING SHE DIDN'T KNOW IT HAD MUSHROOMS IN IT. FAT FML
2day I was verbally abused by looool a customer at ma job. Apparently... wearing "ugly... tick-framed ipster glasses as a fasion statement is a HUGE faux pas." Tese r ma actual prescription glasses... and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML
Today, mah mom came into mah room to give me a goodbye kiss!! Due to the routine of mah grlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than wat a mother/son kiss should last!! My mom actually had to tell me to ( let go )!! FML
Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, andhen the scene came onhere the girl is crawling out of the TV, mah dad grabbed mah shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek lyk a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML
Today , I had an awful day and angrily threw a glass at the wall. Needless to say , I didn't feel lyk cleaning it up , and I took a nap , intending to do it later. I thought I would remember the bits of glass everywhere when I woke up. I didn't , but mah feet soon did. FML
Today..!! I slipped an fell down the stairs..!! landing hard on my knee!! Through my screams of agony..!! my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain..!! an said I was just being an attention seeker..!! before finally taking me to hospital!! I was told my leg was broken!! She refused to apologize!! FML
Today , I Discovered I Have Epilepsy. 10 Years Ago , I Told Mother About Frequent Fits Of Vertigo , Deja Vu , Nausea , Flashes Of Memory And Strange Sounds , Smells , And Images , Coupled With An Other-worldly Feeling. I Thought They Were Holy Visions. So Did She. Real FML
Friday 27 March 2015